Advice needed--My straight girl crush isn't straight?!?

Hey all,

So I’m in a bit of a heart predicament. I’ve had feelings for a woman in my life for awhile now. We’re pretty close and I consider us friends, but I’ve been trying to ignore my feelings as there were three huge barriers keeping “us” from ever being a viable option:

1. She’s my boss
2. She’s in a serious relationship
3. She’s straight

Seemed like a pretty typical hopeless “straight girl” crush. There have definitely been times where I felt like there might have been some attraction towards me coming from her, but I assumed that was just me thinking wishfully.

Well, this week two of those barriers blew up. First, due to budget cuts, my position at work has been eliminated and in two weeks, she will no longer be my boss (side note: this wasn’t her choice, and she’s very upset about it). That same same day, we were texting and she told me she’s bisexual. I was like, “Oh that’s funny. I am too!” (I’m closeted and people at work have always just assumed she’s straight and she’s never corrected them. Until she corrected me the other day.)

Now, I’m aware that her being in a relationship is still a huge barrier. It’s just hard not to feel like this completely impossible desire of mine suddenly has become possible and I’m seeing glimmers of hope.

I have no desire to be a home wrecker. I generally think it’s wrong to try to steal people’s significant others, and it’s not like I feel any ill-will towards her boyfriend. But on top of that, there’s kids involved (their kids are from previous relationships, but they all live together, so it’s a big deal), and if their relationship doesn’t last, it is NOT going to be because of me.

So I guess my question is, is it crazy to continue being friends with her and wait and see if she becomes available in the next six months to a year? Yes, it’s a serious relationship, but I sometimes feel their relationship is forming cracks and has a bit of an expiration date (though I could be completely wrong). But truthfully, even if she later becomes single, I don’t know that she would reciprocate my feelings. There’s a pretty significant age difference between us, and while it doesn’t bother me, it might be a dealbreaker for her (plus, I guess she could just not find me attractive ).

Or, do I tell her how I feel for the sake of being honest? I feel like that would probably throw an unnecessary wrench into her current relationship, so I don’t love the idea.

Or, do I continue as is and try to get over her while maintaining our friendship? And if so, how do I do this while managing the imbalance in our relationship (I like her more than she likes me) and maintaining healthy boundaries for the sake of her relationship with her boyfriend?

Or, do I need to back away from our friendship in order to let her go? I genuinely care about her as a person and value her as a friend, so the idea of doing that sounds terrible to me. But I also want her to be happy and don’t want to add extra stress to her life. Yes, I’m crazy about this woman, but I also just have very few people in my life as supportive as her AND who know that I’m bisexual and are okay with that. I know it’s a bit selfish, but it would really hurt to give that up.

She and I have talked about the fact that we’re staying friends even though we won’t work together soon. If I need to step back from our friendship, I feel like it would require an explanation.

What are you all’s thoughts on this? How to I handle this moving forward?