Hi, i am new to please be kind. So i have already posted in the welcome chat which is where i explained my story, anyway quick over-view...i am gay but have a long term girlfriend who is head over heels for me and we live together. anyway my question is, I just had sex with my girlfriend because i do not want to make her feel rejected but i have to think about men to be able to finish. is this wrong? how can i limit the sexual experience with her until i come out as gay which is something i want to do but just to scared please any advise would be amazing.
Hey, it's quite normal to think about a man if you are having sex with a woman but you are gay. I'm in a similar position myself. Try not to worry about it.
I am aware i am gay and i am starting to come to terms with. It is the guilt of not telling her. How do you deal with being in a relationship and being gay?
Much like you i am a bit guilt ridden about, as I know it's going to hurt her badly and destroy her trust in men to some extent. As for dealing with being in a straight relationship, I just muddle on, but gotta say I do find porn a release. Also, it does get easier the more to accept yourself. How did you discover your gay?
Hey welcome to EC, people are friendly here so dont worry. The short answer is you have to end the relationship with your girlfriend. I know its not that easy and there are things you need to sort and get your head around first but in the long run, for the happiness and good of both of you, you have to finish the relationship. EC will be here with you on your journey to help if you want
Of what age are you both?? and how long have you been together? Also as you both are living together and we are in quarantine, don't think about breaking up with her
Basically, as shitty as it is, the longer you prolong telling her, the longer you're living inauthentically, and the more the resentment will build up on her part once she knows. The kindest thing is to address it sooner rather than later. Now... the above said, if you are both living together in quarantine, that makes things more complicated. You may have to wait. It's a difficult situation all around.
I have used porn before and it does excite me. The only problem is that i do not want to just watch porn anymore i want to have a guy cuddling me and sleep next to one (when i am ready mentally). I discovered i was fully gay recently, but during high-school i came out as bicurious and had one boyfriend who we did nothing only kissed once, Then i was builded for many years and returned to being a "straight" man, while having sex and unofficial relationships with men. what about yourself?
I am currently 24 and she is 21. We have been together for 2.5 years after breaking up for a while in the beginning of the relationship about 9 months. Do you really think i should not break up with her during this quarantine?
Yes i am aware that i am living inauthentically but every time i get to telling her or start to think about it, i get this horrible feeling in my stomach and feel like i about to cry and cant hold it in but then there is something that always stops me and i think it fear.
The bottom line is... it's going to suck. You will probably not only feel like you're going to cry, you'll probably cry. And so, likely will she. There's a real loss here: Both the loss of the relationship, and, for you, coming face to face with the reality that you're gay in stark, realistic terms. There's a huge fear of admitting that in the real world, acknowledging the loss, worrying about her judgment, and the like. And, unfortunately, the only real way past that is through it. I would suggest that you think about how to work past the fear. Maybe that means writing her a letter, or using a "crib note" when you start to talk to her. But it's something you're going to need to address in order for both of you to move forward.
Of course not. She or you both may need to distance yourselves with one another. Depending on the result of your break up. The best thing to do in my opinion is be totally honest with her. Tell her how you feel. If you keep it up any longer ( No pun intended ) it will make it more difficult as time progresses. Stop having sex first.
Given current events, you're going to have to be careful about this. Remember, there's a difference been social distancing/self isolation and quarantine. The latter is if there's a possibility (or it's known) that you've come into contact with someone who has the virus. If you haven't, look into your country's laws on moving; if you're able to move out (whether to a new place or in with someone else temporarily), that will make things somewhat easier. Then, all this done (if it can be done), I recommend being honest with your girlfriend. It will do neither of you any good to remain in a relationship that is essentially a lie. The longer this goes on, the harder it's going to be on both of you. Even given current events, I think it's a conversation you still need to have with her. I'm not sure what you'll do if neither of you can move out, but perhaps temporary arrangements can be made. It won't be easy--things like this never are--but it will be for the best.
Thank you everyone it has been an amazing experience already to speak to people about this for the first time. Thank you BiGemini87 i will take your advise and look into this i mean lucky enough we do have a bit of space to sleep in different places. She asked me if everything is okay tonight and that she cant wait to move with me to a different city which is gonna be in 3 months... I am screaming inside i dont know how long i can last but the problem is i just dont know how to do it. Like what do you say? How do you say it? Do i have to make the day perfect when i tell her? I know what i need to do and am fully aware of this and a part of me is so excited to be out, but there is other half that just worries and have no clue what to do like what if i end up even more depressed? Sorry for the vent just need to get it off my chest
If you are currently living together, and there is a pretty firm plan to move somewhere else, out of the area, in 3 months... you may need to do this sooner than later, because you need to reasonably be able to give her time to figure out what to do, where to go, etc. Honestly, as far as when to tell her... I would just pick a time and do it. I would *not* suggest saying "Hey, I need to have a conversation with you, can we do it tomorrow" because she will likely want to litigate it right then and there, ask you what it's about, or go crazy with worry. Just choose a time you're both likely available and say "Hey, there's something we need to discuss, are you free?" and then... go into it. There are a thousand different ways to do it, but it might be simply best to just say "Look, there's really no other way to say this... I'm gay, and it's been tearing me up wanting to tell you, and I know it's going to crush you, but I owe it to you to be honest" and let it go from there. Expect denial, justification, argument. You may or may not get anger (it will definitely come if not immediately.) It's one of those things that once you rip the band-aid off, healing can begin.
Maybe when she is not preoccupied with something, sit her down. Is there a specific reason for moving to a different location??? If it has to do with your future with her, or a job concerning either one. You need to let her know ASAP as you both will have to think about the coming months of moving.
And then what happened? ( ´_ゝ`) I am curious. Well, here's my thoughts. Of course there will crying and feelings of fear but spending your years in a relationship out of guilt or self obligation over true love someday? Nope, I would rather cry and be in emotional pain for few days than be in regret for how many years that both of us could have been happier with our actual soulmates in the future. I saw a video before there was a couple who was married for over a decade just to finally have the husband come out as gay, the shock and pain left will be undeniable. So for you my friend, for the time to heal yourselves over the pain, end the relationship the earliest possible. (っ－＿－)っ
