I am arguably a closeted gay man because I’ve never came out to more than four of my close friends. I had sex with one of my gay friends and it was quite awkward afterwards and he said I made him feel uncomfortable. I felt awful so I isolated myself for two months and didn’t talk to anyone. I met with another friend for the first time yesterday and apparently he boasted to everyone what we did not only in our friend group which I don’t really mind, but to random people he or I don’t know very well. The whole school knows now and I feel utterly betrayed. He blocked me on all social media and I’ve never been more crushed. I beg for some advice because I am livid because it’s my responsibility if I want to come out to people and I’m not even comfortable with it myself, it’s not fair and he really doesn’t care and that hurts the most.
If he was your friend, he wouldn't have done what he did. That is no excuse for they way he treated you. If you can get in touch with the other friends and see where they stand, that might help you decide if you still want to continue being friends with all of them. They need to know your side of the story and see things from your perspective as well. Despite all of that, if they still don't understand you, or choose not to talk to you, while being hurtful, I'd say it might be for the best. . You need supportive people in your life when you're in the closet and dealing with a lot of things. I'm sure things will get better. Is there any way you can find other people where you live or study to talk to and befriend? Is there an LGBT club, society or place of sorts in your town or neighborhood? You've got EC to lean on in the meantime. So please let your feelings and frustrations (if any) here. . Hang in there.
I think this is how replies work but I’m so dejected I really was not ready for everyone to know. I face a dilemma now. Since everyone in my year knows they have younger siblings who will be in my brothers classes. I face now I’m being forced out of the closet and don’t know wether to tell my parents or not, I’m not ready to deal with this now but idk what to do
That's a disgusting thing to do to anyone. I'm really sorry you're going through that. You're being forced into a situation you weren't ready to deal with, but now that it's here there's no choice but to figure it out. I think it would be a good idea to talk to everyone involved, to let them know how you feel about what was done and how it effected you. If they are your friends, they would care, and apologize; if not, consider whether you'd still like to be friends with these people. As for your family finding out - you know your family best. Would they take it well, if you came out? If they would, you should start preparing for that. They should hear about it from you, not some kid at school. (Of course, if there's any chance of them responding in a way that would put you at risk, I would not come out). Take your time to think about if, when, and how to come out to them. Most of all, take care.
My friends know what I’ve been going through and have just told me to ‘move on’ and ‘that’s life.’ I feel really hard done by and they are my best friends. Given one of them absolutely hates the one who did this to me as he did something similar to him, not as serious but just was being manipulative and rude to him, but the other friend is on the fence saying what he did is wrong but idk if I’m comfortable being friends with someone who wants to be friends with someone who hurt me so much, am I being silly?
That was a scummy thing for your friend to do. In fact, I'd go so far as to say he can't even be called a friend, because friends don't do shit like that. I mean, yeah--fights happen, mistakes are made. But if he outed you with the intention of hurting you and knowing full well you weren't ready to come out publicly, and possibly with the intent of you being ostracized further from your friend group? Yeah, that's no friend. And considering he blocked you, I'd say it's pretty clear that was his aim. As for the rest of your friends: Try to contact them, and if they'll hear you out, tell them your side of the story. I don't know why this one friend felt the need to out you over what you did with another friend (another gay friend, who consented in the first place; how he felt afterwards is not your fault), but if you can talk to the friend you had the experience with, try to clear things up with him. And if he, like the one who outed you, refuses to talk to you--and the rest too--then as painful as it is, I'd say it's time to cut yourself off from them entirely. Did the one friend say how you made him uncomfortable? I mean, it sounds like the experience was awkward for both of you, so if he regretted it after the fact, it isn't fair that you alone are being ostracized.
No, you’re not being silly for not wanting to be friends with someone who’s okay with you being treated this way. You are being reasonable and you are protecting yourself. Take care.
He had no right to do this to you. If your friends are okay with him divulging such sensitive info to strangers than they are not your friends either. You deserve so much better. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.
I’ve no one to talk too, I’m not ready to tell my parents and I feel utterly betrayed by my friends, I’ve come here to vent in a way and it has helped me reading all these responses, I do appreciate it very much
There are many people on this forum that you can talk to. I joined a month ago and this place has helped me so much. I don't know if I ever felt this safe. I joined this website because I was falling apart. Now I feel much better. The community facilitators are also a great help. They are really knowledgeable. What are you doing now? Are you stuck at home due to quarantine or move around? Have you ever met with an lgbt+ counselor? How do you want to deal with this?
Being outed is never something that anyone should have to go through. That was a horrible thing for your 'friend' to do. I would definitely suggest talking to your parents, but not unless you really feel like you're ready for that. It would be better coming from you than it would coming from anyone else. As for your other friends, if they're really your friends, they'll listen to your side and stick with you. If not, they're not worth your time. Just remember that even if you feel like you're alone, there's so many people - not just on this site but all over the place - that are here for you. Also, I know it's a cliché, but things will get better, I promise.
The guy who outed you was being really shitty. He obviously knows he hurt you, and most likely he knows why too so there is no need to explain to him why your hurt. A thing you should probably do eventually is tell him, directly or indirectly, that you two are no longer friends. I know it seems like that's obvious, but it might not be obvious. I'm npt saying you should forgive him. Not saying that all. Just that you should swiftly cut ties with this guy. He is a jerk and does not value your friendship. I agree, if he was your friend or valued your friendship he would not have done this. You should tell your parents eventually. They are going to find out either way and it should be on your own terms. You're 17 so you are still a minor so that complicates things. If you think your parents will be at least civil with you then you should plan to come out before your brother finds out from second hand sources. Another thing no one in this thread has mentioned yet. Is your brother an ally or not. You might not know it yet but figuring it out the answer to the question could be really helpful. It can really change things and what I am saying is if you want to come out to your family. Another route would be to talk to your brother first. He shouldn't have to learn about your sexuality through the rumor mill and very likely does Not want to hear about your sex life through the rumor mill either. I mean, if I had a sibling, no matter their sexuality, I would NOT want to hear about their sex life, like, ever. It could save your ass if your brother can be convinced to not tell your parents and wait for you to do it yourself eventually and it should be something you consider. Agreed They are not friends. They are scumbags. End of story. Agreed Agreed Agreed Agreed
