Anyone found they are bisexual late? im not tallking about "knowing but not acccepting" im talking about just beeing clueless about it and BAM. Like not 100% clueless but pretty much there, no sexual fooling around with men at my teens or twenies, fantasies about women most of the time maybe trans people, and then men from one day to another. Im almost 30 years old, i though at this age you would know exactly what you like sexuality wise. But i dont, and i dont know why i didnt find out sooner, makes me feel inmature or kinda like disconnected from myself. Denying it is a thing you can do very easy when you get atracted to both sexes, its true, you just have to cut one off? right... but what is it that stops you from "learning about it" for yourself. It keeps popping on my head, why i didnt know sooner, any of you have had a similar experience?
That's exactly what my situation is like. I never even considered that I could be bi until this past year. I've always only had crushes on men and whenever I caught myself paying more attention to a woman or fem non-binary person I thought it was because I wanted to be friends, not have a sexual or romantic relationship at all or that I could say that a woman was hot without wanting to have sex with her. For me I grew up in an environment where there weren't many lgbt+ people around me, which I think may have delayed my realization time. It wasn't until I went to a school where more than 50% of the people are lgbt+ that the thought even occurred to me. I think I have also internalized the idea that if I was bisexual and had to come out I wouldn't be accepted by my family, friends, etc. etc. and that coming out so late in my life (compared to most coming out stories that I hear, I am in my early 20's) would be weird, so it was easier to ignore it than to even start to consider it. I don't think it means that you or I are disconnected from ourselves. Everyone has a different time for them to discover their sexuality and it is easier to "hide" bisexuality because you can still believe that you are straight.
Welcome to EC Idunnome, When I first came to Empty Closets I thought I was heterosexual, but an ally to LGBTQ folks. It is as if a shift occurred, just a couple years ago, and fantasies about men dominated - whereas before it was women in my fantasies. I’m old enough to have been together with my wife for three decades, and we have adult children. So, either I was pretty much clueless or I’m an example of men who are fluid. My therapist said I had “weak” evidence for bisexuality being there since I was young, but like you I had no experiences with guys, no physical reaction to guys, and plenty of reaction to females. I easily affirmed my choice of “straight” as my orientation up to a couple years ago, and the folks I’ve come out to said they wouldn’t have known I was bisexual. When growing up my family would have accepted me, and my religion too, so no excuse as to why this didn’t emerge earlier (except perhaps, as I’ve posted before, that I didn’t know bisexuality existed because back in my day you were either straight or gay).
Honestly, it's not too far off from my own experience. While there were times where I wondered if I was in denial, for the most part, I legitimately believed I couldn't be anything other than straight. I kept rationalizing that any confused feelings or reactions I had around girls was due to anything other than genuine attraction, and that it was normal for straight girls to feel that way. I also rationalized that because I knew for a fact I was attracted to guys, I couldn't be attracted to both (which is so frigging stupid in retrospect. I even had a bisexual friend in high school, but I think because so many people saw her as a slut--back before people were called out for slut-shaming--that maybe on a subconscious level, I didn't want to be associated that way? I don't know, there's still a lot I'm unpacking there). In sum, don't kick yourself. I think for bisexual people, it's as you say: it's easy to deny it or to outright overlook same-sex attraction, because we also have opposite-sex attraction. And whether intentionally or not, it can overshadow that part of ourselves.
If 20 is late then me too. Before this age I was confident thar I’m straight and I matured early, so it was about ten years that I thought I’m straight.
For me I’ve always had attractions to both boys and girls growing up, but I was really in denial until my late teens. It was also around that time I started to become comfortable with my same-sex attraction at least to the point I admitted it to myself. But as I’ve gotten older I find myself growing more attracted to men. So I don’t know if I was just in denial or was it that’s changed as I’ve gotten older.
