Obviously I’ve been questioning things for a while now. Not had any desire for male interaction or sex not actively seeking anything. My question is what makes you gay? My journey to question stems from my lack of interest in women which is now pretty much zero. I’m also trying to see where my eyes are drawn to in the street, now it seems to be mainly men but not sure if this because I’m checking my reactions. Confused. There are several questions which always come up. 1. if you’re questioning then there must be an element of truth in the question. 2. Your lack of interest in women means you are possibly gay. 3. Is the lack of interest due to the depression caused by the questioning or because you really want men and will eventually awaken to it 4. What makes someone Gay? 5. If someone is gay would they not seek out sexual partners or get pleasure from same sex material/fantasies. I get very nervous when I see men now, feels very awkward. Confusion reigns.
Well how long have you been questioning? I put it to the back of my mind and refused to address that I may not be straight until I was out of school but I just knew that was only half true. Plus I had a very strong interest in women but I was very curious at the time. Awaken? I found it more like confusion, acknowledgement and acceptance that it’s ok. I just consider gay an attraction to the same sex or different gender than women. Gay men do seek out sex with other men. Unless they make a lifelong commitment to someone then they shouldn’t. But honestly, I’m not really the go to on gay answers and it’s hard to delve into someone’s confusion. I mostly just want to socialize with other lgbt members for interaction. Wish I could help.
Sexuality is made up of two parts: romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Basically, a person can be attracted to a gender/genders only romantically, only sexually, or both. Thus, a person can only desire sex or only desire a romantic bond and have no desire for the other. There are actually words for this; aro (short for aromantic) is a person who does not desire any romantic bonds. Ace (short for asexual) is a person who does not desire sexual contact. By what you said, you may be asexual. This means that you would like to be in a romantic relationship, but do not have sexual urges and are not likely to develop any. In fact, if you are (excuse me) pretty old (as in, past your teenage years) and have not developed any of these feelings, you’re probably ace. This isn’t “just a gay thing”. People who are straight, pan, or lesbian can all be ace. Obviously, if you’re questioning, take your time! There’s no deadline to come out to yourself. However, if you are asexual, try asking yourself who you’d like to date instead of who you’d like to ****. Remember that asexuality doesn’t make your orientation less valid! ^_^
There is no credible evidence for discordant sexual/romantic orientation in any of the credible scientific literature on the topic. Again, an evidence-free perspective promoted by a small but vocal group without a shred of credible scientific evidence, or even wide acceptance among those in either the research or clinical fields. Do asexual people exist? Absolutely. This has been documented back at least 7 decades. However, asexuality is pretty rare, and asexuality as the word is properly understood is a hardwired and unchangeable sexual orientation. Unfortunately, the same small-but-loud contingent of people have promoted a bunch of different and largely undefinable definitions that essentially have the effect of confusing rather than helping people. However, none of this has anything to do with the OP's questions/comments. Knowing the history of this member, asexuality has nothing whatsoever to do with his issues. Nothing in anything he has said credibly indicates any attraction to men. He is struggling with what appears to be OCD, has talked about this extensively, and what he is describing are symptoms of his unaddressed OCD. Therefore, he will not be able to get any meaningful answers to his questions until he first addresses the OCD. The issue was fully addressed in this thread.
I’m in the same boat as you. I’m having trouble finding a man to have the sexual experience or experiment with. Lately it has been consuming me.
I’ll never make that step!!! Feels completely alien to me although my brain says it’s what I really want!!
Have you talked to a professional counselor? You might try one that uses cognitive behavioral therapy.
Yes, quite difficult at the moment, if like to see a counsellor from the Lgbq community who might have an insight but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of availability.
A lot of counselors are probably figuring out alternatives like audio or video calls. And they don’t have to be LGBT. Just calling some and asking what are their options. It is critical you talk to them because they can navigate your own unique circumstances. A question like “What is being gay” is like me, a cis man, asking “What is being a woman?” As much as I see and interact with female people, I won’t fully understand the depth of their experiences, and each one is going to have differences due to their internal/external environments.
I’m gay, but that is self-determined and self-reported. Currently there is no external, foolproof way to determine a person’s orientation or (mental) gender. Remember, this is a support site for people on their own journeys; we can’t decide for you. A stuck record is something which has already predetermined, and if you already know the answers you’re looking for, that is hardly fair or open-minded. I would like to point to logical inconsistencies in your opening post: 1. if you’re questioning then there must be an element of truth in the question. Questioning can come from many reasons, not all true. In science, there is the idea starting with a null hypothesis, an assumption there is zero association with two phenomena. 2. Your lack of interest in women means you are possibly gay. Again, this is a logical leap without justification. Lack of interest in one thing has no effect on interest in another. Moreover, sexual orientation is not a simple on/off switch between heterosexual/homosexual. Again, it’s better to spend your time talking to a professional counselor, even over the phone. The real question you’re asking is “Am I gay?” and no one can decide for you.
I have to agree, I mean its hypocritical for me to speak on the topic since I am also in the same boat as you, but in regards to your reasoning it is just a fallacy. The OP while his heart is in the right place, the reasoning and calculations are off. With the first question "1. if you’re questioning then there must be an element of truth in the question." That is not true, the only true application of that is if you are a lawyer crossing a witness. You ask questions that you know the answers to in a court room, but within real life there is a plethora of questions that are not rooted in science or reality. Questions are meant to probe a topic or to better your understanding, you're projecting your stress into a poison mentality. While what I have to say can be racked up to the kettle calling the pot black, heave what the other people have to say. I wish you the best and stay healthy y'all.
