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Coming Out of the Glass Closet to Parents.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Katja27, Apr 1, 2020.

  1. Katja27

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Ok so for a little bit of background I’m a teenaged girl living with her parents. I’ve identified as bisexual with a strong preference for girls for several years now, and am out (or in a glass closet) to almost everyone in my life with the exception of my extended family, who’ll find out if/when I bring home a girlfriend. Everyone in my life has been or will be accepting and I’m not worried about that at all. I’ve been putting off coming out to my parents for years now simply because I was never ready. I don’t think I’ll ever be truly ready to start the conversation about sexuality with my parents, but I want to be out so I came up with the solution of putting up a small bi pride flag on my bookshelf, hoping that my parents would notice and ask about it to remove that barrier of starting it.

    So I ordered a small flag on amazon (it’s just a cheap stick-flag about half the size of a piece of printer paper) and set it up where it was clearly visible. It’s been there for months now and I know my parents have seen it. I figured they wouldn’t recognize it as the bi pride flag. I knew there was a chance they wouldn’t know it was a pride flag at all. But I though at the very least there’d be a “hey, what’s that flag?” question or something that could lead to a conversation. But a week ago I caught my mom straight-up staring at and then get up and leave the room in silence. I just feel like I’m in the definition of a glass closet. If they would just ask it would all be over but they WON’T. Maybe the flag thing was a bad idea?? Is it not enough??? Either I’m out and they’re just trying to be quiet about it or I have the most oblivious parents ever. Thoughts?
     
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  2. ellief

    Regular Member

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    my guess is that they wouldn't know what the bi pride flag is. honestly, i didn't even know there was such thing as a bi pride flag until a few months ago. she was probably staring at it trying to think of what it stood for. maybe try putting the rainbow pride flag up instead? i feel that's more recognizable and still subtle enough.
     
  3. appleotome

    Regular Member

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    Not out at all
    I have rainbow flags and pink flags all over my room but my parents don't even notice lol.
    If they don't know much about the community, then they probably won't know what it means. Maybe try making subtle comments or something and hope they notice?
     
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  4. EleanorHunter

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    My guess is they just don't know what it is or, like you, aren't sure how to breach the subject. It sounds like you're not scared of coming out to your parents or having a negative reaction from them, it's just figuring out how to navigate the conversation.

    You might just have to start the conversation another way. Them not starting it might not be a negative thing, they might just not want to make you uncomfortable or press you about it. Or, they just need to figure out and adjust. I remember my mom being very supportive when I came out, but she still didn't say the word "bi" (my initial guess at my sexuality, wasn't accurate haha) for at least 5 months. She's been fine and supportive ever since. If you're worried that the flag doesn't work, maybe try another indirect approach? I've had a lot of luck with pointing out a gay celebrity coming out and being like "Cool! Nice to see a fellow gay" or reading something related to LGBT folk. If you can't find a subtle way to say it and need another approach, maybe go for a letter? Tell them outright how you're bi, what you feel comfortable talking about, how you want things to go from there, etc. A letter would give you more time to say exactly what you want.

    Either way, there's no clear cut way to go about this, but I hope you can find something that makes you feel comfortable and lets you breathe a little!!