What are you thinking?

I had two advisors in college, one for education and one for my subject area. I literally didn't meet with either until/unless it was absolutely required of me.

My English advisor (who's a great lady) literally changed things every time I met with her (like I kept changing what program sheets I was supposed to choose classes from) and I had to fight for what I wanted/needed. During the Fall of my senior year (my last semester of classes) she tried to tell me that I was missing one required area. I literally didn't have time to take another class so I had to fight for that...and won.

My education advisor was super chill...but really only knew how to help with certain things. He retired before my senior year and my new one was a professor who despised me. Needless to say, I literally refused to meet with her.

And then I had my student teaching supervisor who was literally the best and so helpful and flexible and I love her.

 

Beginning to get fed up of each day basically being the same for the past 2 weeks (and many more). Had enough of cycling for an hour every day as well but got no choice since I need to exercise, would maybe be more motivated if I cycle out of this sh*t and boring town.

There's just no pleasure in life just now.

 

I never feel as though I'm enough. Yet I am painfully aware that it is this feeling that keeps me back. I just want to be validated. So sick and tired of being the strong one.

 

I don't like calling myself gay. I'm not one of those anti-labels people but there's something about the word I just don't like. Probably why I won't officially come out to anyone since you kinda need to use labels in those situations.

 

Confused and a bit annoyed at my parent's new fad of wanting us to do "movie nights" as a family. I'm not a young child any more and have enough to keep myself occupied!

Totally a petty thing to get annoyed over given all that is going over but I don't get why they are doing it.

Give me TV or Netflix any day of the week!

 

Most people seem to be getting it. I've seen very few people not following it here. I imagine that the media exaggerates a lot of the stuff about folks not following social distancing.

What does annoy me and does seem to be going against the guidelines are elderly going out since they are doing both themselves and the public a disservice - they're a high-risk category and I just know that if they became unwell, it would be the younger and middle-age people that get the blame and more casualties make it less likely for things to get back to normal quicker. The only viable reason I could see for them going out is if they had nobody to shop for them but I've seen so many that I doubt it's the case for all of them.

 

I know someone that has been asked everyday for the past 4 days to go out and party with their friends, they havent gone and have been isolating for 2-3 weeks now and have been pretty strong on the fact of staying home and practicing social distancing- (going out to grocery shop only). All 4 people who have asked them to go party have posted on Facebook as well, saying along the lines of "fuck this virus, who wants to party?" I am so disturbed by this and by the comments so are others but there are people that said yes to partying. So is the other person but the more people ask them and the more posts they see about people partying they are getting more irritated and ansy to go out. I am worried they will go out and contract it and come back home where we both live. Am I being over concerned? Am I over reacting when their parents come for a non essential visit? I am getting backlash from taking precautions and getting called down for sticking to stay home and wanting no visitors. ( I have been laid off from my full time job due to lack of work because of the virus and I have been aggressively staying in door other then a walk around the block or going to the back yard or grocery shopping because I truely believe it is the right thing to do. It was my Moms 60th Birthday a few days ago and I didnt celebrate with her because of the virus and it saddens me but I prefer to wait to celebrate amd visit with her for the safety of both of us.) Am I in the wrong? I feel attacked tbh

 

There is iffy stuff, then some things people are doing that are just downright obnoxious.

I go for walks I can look across the highway - The LCBO (beer store) & walmart parking lots are packed and with line ups outside (walmart okay, but 20 people waiting outside the LCBO??). I see some people post on social media a couple times a week, each time with different people. I honestly don't think Ontario is going to get better until Covid wipes through the province or until there are dictator rules implemented lol.

 

Bored af

 

Whoa

 

Week 3 - Decided to order more sweatpants cause I am living in them. On sale and free shipping - Who would have thought it'd come to this lol

 

I just want to share about a really weird (and gay) dream I had last night.

There was a girl in high school I was VERY infatuated with. I was still deep in the closet, and I had crushes on girls before her, but she was the one that made me do some soul searching for the first time and wonder if I might actually be gay. We quickly became close friends despite her being two years older than me and she was always very kind to me. Obviously she didn't feel the same about me as I did about her, but I would say she genuinely trusted me and saw me as a good friend.

After she graduated, we drifted apart. We saw each other just a couple times after her graduation, and eventually she stopped talking to me. For a while, I tried a few times to reach out and she didn't respond so I stopped trying. At first I was mad at her, then after a while I just wondered if she was ok. I got more mature and realized looking back, she definitely seemed to have some mental health issues that I didn't see at the time because I was just a teenager who had a crush on her.

Anyway, I had a dream last night where she was there. She hugged me and kissed me on the forehead, and then I kissed her on the lips. She told me she doesn't feel the same. I said I know, but I just wanted her to know about my feelings for her and how important she was to me. She said she always knew, and that it was ok, she wasn't mad (I used to worry she'd realize I had a crush on her and hate me because she was very Christian).

I'm very confused why I dreamt this, I admit she still crosses my mind more often than I want her to, but I haven't had feelings for her in a long time. Now I feel weird.

 

I really need a haircut.

 

Me and my dogs do too. That won’t be happening for a while though.

 

See, for me I'm growing my hair out a bit, but after everything's open again, I need a trim on the parts I'm keeping short.

 

I'm going to have to learn how to cut my own hair, since no hair places here look like they'll be open anytime soon. It needs to be thinned out every month or it becomes wookie-level of thickness. Going into a Florida summer.... it'll be like carrying a wet dog on my head.