hi, so i came out to one of my friends and she was honestly really excepting and that made me super happy, but im also tryna come out to my best friend. i feel like she wont be accepting and will start acting weird around me tho. also like sometimes i question if i actually am bi because quite honestly i'm ashamed. i don't want to like girls at all and i've tried so hard not to. i also have no idea how i would get a girlfriend if i wanted to in the first place so i feel like ill never really no for sure. the thing is, is i kind of like being a girly girl and i would never want to be like "the boy" in a relationship. maybe that just means im a bottom or whatever but like still. i feel like i would need "a boy" in the relationship yk? idrk i think im just kinda freaked out that i actually told someone.
Hi, ellief! It’s totally ok that you’re freaked out after coming out. That happens to the best of us, especially when it’s to people who you care about. I’m glad your friend was so accepting. As for your best friend, maybe you could test the waters? Try bringing up LGBT topics in conversation and watching her reactions. If she doesn’t understand, try to explain to her before you come out. Also, remember that there’s no deadline; you can come out whenever you want. A surprising amount of people feel guilty or ashamed about liking the same gender, and that’s actually very normal! We live in a heteronormative world (basically, everyone is assumed to be straight and that’s considered “good” or “normal”). The result is that a lot of people have internalized homophobia (when people detest their own same-sex attraction). I’m bi too, and I’ve tried very hard to convince myself I’m not. As for the “boy” and “girl” in a relationship, please don’t worry about that. It’s mostly just a stereotype for media. I’ve never met a person who identifies as “top” or “bottom” in real life. Your femininity doesn’t have anything to do with your sexuality. Of course, if you’re still questioning, take your time. Always remember that there’s no time limit on outing or labeling yourself!
thank you that's super helpful. and i have sort of tested the waters. thing is is i think she's a little homophobic herself and she says she's accepting of the lgbtq community, but i know she would just start treating me differently so any advice?
That’s a situation I run into a lot too. I’d recommend asking about bisexual people specifically (as some people are only biphobic). Sometimes coming out is something we have to go through with people we care about. Helping your friend understand more about LGBTQ people, through conversations and different resources, can help with the treatment you’re worried about. However, I personally believe that you should never come out to anyone if they might hurt you, either physically or emotionally. Ask yourself: “Can I trust her not to out me to other people?” And “Will she try to hurt me afterwards?” It’s always more important to stay safe. Of course, if you feel that you need it, you should always feel free to take more time. Coming out can be a process, and there’s never any need to rush it. I hope that this is helpful!
that's super helpful. I actually came out to her yesterday and she was so good about it and i got a completely good reaction that i would've never expected and i'm happy. basically everything is still the same, except she knows now.
