The other day I walked to my best friend's house to hang out, and their mom opened the door. I asked "hey, can (best friend) hang out today" using their new name rather than their old name by habit (they aren't out to their family). I didn't even realize my mistake until their mom said, "oh, (old name).... yeah, I'll go get her." At that point it was too late to fix my mistake. I told my friend what happened and they said it would probably be fine and they didn't care much at this point. We had a great time and I went home thinking everything would be fine, until I got a discord message from my friend letting me know they got their phone taken away and got yelled at for half an hour because of my mistake. I asked if there was anything I could do to help and they said they didn't know. I feel like such a horrible person, and I really don't want this to ruin our relationship. I try so hard to protect them because they have had a lot of toxic relationships, and I ended up being the one to hurt them. Is there anything I can do to fix this? They don't seem mad at me right now, but I feel like I have betrayed their trust. I know how horrible it is to be outed before you're ready, and I can't believe I was that person to them. I'm just so angry at myself for doing this and I feel like there has to be something I can do to fix this.
First of all, you are not a bad person. You made an honest mistake. You were not trying to get your friend in trouble. I don't have advice. There are many qualified people on this chat that can help you and your friend. you should contact them (the advisers, monitors, etc). Just to be clear, whatever happens to your friend is NOT your fault.
I think an important thing to remember here is that you didn't do this with malice. You weren't doing this to spite them, you weren't trying to get them in trouble... if anything, you were trying to be fully accepting of their identity! I've dealt with a lot of people (me included, I'm not perfect) stumble over pronouns or use the wrong name initially, and you did the same thing but in reverse. I think, in the end, you have to fully listen to your friend to see what you can/need to do. They may need a bit of space. If they are mad, they will just need a bit of time to be a little mad, but that anger shouldn't be at you. If anything, I'd imagine they would be mad over the situation in general (not being out, having to hide, bad reactions to coming out), not over what you did. Let them know that you're there for them, that you want to made amends from this, and that you're going to be more vigilant to make sure there isn't a repeat of this. Then, stick to that. Don't push too much if they say they need space. I highly HIGHLY doubt you'd lose your best friend over this, but this can be a traumatic time, and you've got to deal with it as such.
