Hi lovely people! This is my first post. I try not to put a label on myself but sometimes I would like to be sure of my sexual orientation. I have always had gay fantasies more in context with porn. However, If I go to a bar my eye never looks at men, I don't fancy men or have gay urges/feel compelled. It has always been women. However, as I have strong gay fantasies. I have tried and force myself to like guys and try to look at them and think they are hot but it doesn't work or I get bored. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with a guy. These gay fantasies can at times be more exciting than the thought of straight ones, it just seems easier. I wonder if I am bisexual. I am a little confused to why I have two conflicting things. So, I am trying to push myself at the moment and really explore my sexuality. So to plan to use an app or go to a gay club to see what it is like. Not sure what I am looking for people to reply with. Maybe just general thoughts of what I have written and is the best way to explore sexuality to go to a gay club? Thank you
I've never used a dating app before and I'm too young to go to any bars, but it sounds like a good idea as long as you can legally go to a bar at your age. Another thing you could try is reading books with gay characters in them, just to see if you can relate to them, or movies if you prefer those.
Porn isn't really a good barometer and it can give us 'false positives' when we are confused or questioning our sexuality. It's not necessarily true that a man who is turned on watching gay porn, is in fact gay. There is a kind of voyeuristic excitement that comes from watching porn and we don't necessarily view, what we ourselves do. If your own fantasies lead you to think about or masturbate to the idea of man on man sex then it's perhaps more telling, but maybe still, only to a point of curiosity (humans are a curious species). If you are not paying attention to men at other times and feel disinclined towards the idea of hooking up or dating men it may be nothing more than an erotic fantasy that gets you off. However, shame can also prevent us from looking more closely or exploring our fantasies. Just supposing a guy did catch your eye in a bar, how would you feel if another person in your social circle noticed it and mentioned it? Have a think about these things. If you want to explore things you could certainly go to a gay bar or club where it will be safer to look and get a better vibe without fear of being judged, but I would caution you against using apps at this stage.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think it is a good idea to think about the shame part. One I havent thought about. So thanks. Happy New year
I mostly agree with this. However, the caveat is that if you gravitate towards gay porn, it might be something to pay attention to. The sexual aspect is so raw and intense that it consumed me. I find that being attracted to and desiring gay romantic relationships takes some acceptance. I noticed that I watched about gay porn about 95% of the time and that helped me make some steps towards realizing my true orientation.
Thanks for replying. It is crazy how hard this all is. You bring up some good points to think about. For me month it might 95% gay porn then next month 95% straight porn. Thats why i am not to look at porn anymore it is to confusing and see from there. Thanks again.
Hello Bacon, You’re story sounds very similar to mine. It took me until I reached my 50’s to accept that I’m gay. Through my younger years I never had any inclination to watch straight porn discovered gay porn with the internet and went wow! Read books and I only got aroused if gay sex was involved. Movies the same, was only interested in the male characters.etc All the suggestions above are a good barometer on which way you fall For me, I become convinced I was gay is when I thought back over my life and all this little indicators listed above all pointed to one conclusion, I’m gay. It just took me a while to realise it.
I was happily dating my high school cheerleader girlfriend for years when in my late teenage years I started to think about men, in my case I began to think about other guys and my g/f, I was so turned thinking about another man having sex and turning my woman on that I couldn't stop fantasizing about it, I brought it up to my girl to see if she would like that and said it is a turn on in fantasy but no. In time I began to notice men had taken over my fantasies full time. There wasn't a lot of gay porn back then so you had to get straight stuff and watch the guys secretly. It moved on and up from there into toys and chat lines and grew til I knew I actually wanted men more than women after exploring and talking with other guys like me. So, sometimes it means you want to be with a man, sometimes you want men and women, sometimes its means nothing but as a fantasy that you like and its sexy, forbidden and addictive so maybe just enjoy it.
