I am not saying this for attention . I am lonely and want someone to talk to I have a depressive illness and regualar sucidial thoughts I am 22 and everyday i want to die. The future scares me so much and i dont want to live to see the next 20-40 years. I feel like i am never going to find my place in the world. I lived for 22 years and i feel like i have nothing acompliehed nothing with my life. People around me have careers, relationships, travel . I found out now i am open to dating both genders. It exictes me but freaks me out at the same timem. All i want is to be loved I never had a job, never had a relationship and no idea what i want to be. I gradauted from university but i feel so lost all the time. Its been 8 months since i gradauted . I studied law but lost interest in it. In the uk a law degree does not make you a lawyer. I used to be happy and confident . I am on the brink of sucide. I know i will be dead before i am 30
I'm sorry to read all of this and I will not pretend I have a whole list of answers for you. Sometimes, when life is really crappy and we are depressed and suffering, the worst thing that can happen is for someone to come along with a load of sticking plaster solutions (so I won't do that). What I'm really reading is that you feel very alone and just want to be able to talk to someone and be honest about your feelings and that's precisely what you started to do above. Rather than attempt to give you lots of solutions, I wonder if I can ask you a few questions to clarify some of your feelings. You can answer them in this thread (so others can chime in with support and kindness too) or you can send me a private message, if you prefer. I guess the first thing I would like to ask is how long have you been feeling this way? You used to be happy and confident, but now you seem to have this depressive illness and dark thoughts of ending it all, so when did it all begin to change? Was there something or things that happened to sink your mood and leave you with this enduring listlessness and loss of hope? I also notice how you feel excited but also freaked out about being attracted to both genders. Can you maybe tell us more about both of those feelings? If we know a little more, we might be able to help you out with that and offer some insight. In creating this thread and being honest about everything you made a start with the talking. I know it's not the same as face to face interaction, but sometimes, writing it down seems easier and less threatening. If you are willing to come back to it and say a bit more, it might (just might) let out some of the pressure that arises when we are all alone with an inner scream that refuses to be silenced.
Hello I have just woke up an a hour ago. When it all begin? It started on my 21st birthday. I felt like my entire life was failure. I have lived for all these years on earth and i have nothing to show for it. I am still single and a virgin, i realise i dont want to be a solicitor anymore so my uni course was waste, i was struggling with my classes. I did not know what i wanted to do with life. I am some who has a plan for everything People i went to school with are more successful than . They have careeers and relationships. I was just failling to keep it all together. Then there was this guy i really liked in secondary school . He is still with the girl he liked more than me. The guy has a career in fiance and the girl has a career (recruitment consultant). I wish i was her everyday . She has him and her life is better than mine. I dont want to be me anymore. For months and months these feelings dragged on and on. Then i see sucide as an escape from all the uncertainity. Since graduating university. My mental health has declined . Everyday i see sucide as best option. I messed up my entire life. I talked noboby wanted to listen. They patronised me saying i am young. I dont want to live to see the next 20-30 years. I am never going to find my place in this world. Sexuality: i realise now i want someone to love me for me. It excites me to date both genders because i like meeting people but freaks me out because all my life i have been attracted to men.
So it sounds like your 21st birthday was the significant turning point, when you began to reflect on what you had (or hadn't) achieved and where you was heading. You looked at everything and saw failure, rather than success or potential. During this period of reflection have you thought about what you might prefer to do, if circumstances allowed it? You say you don't want to be me anymore, so I'm just wondering who or what you would like to be? What would success look like, to you? And just supposing it was possible to turn things around and become a better version of yourself, would all of these thoughts of wishing to die still linger? I'm not going to say you are still young because that kind of invalidates the reality of your feelings (and I do accept that they are real), but I just wonder if life is a complete write off with brick walls facing you from every direction?
Don’t die. Explore your sexuality and find yourself. You’re in a first world country so take advantage of that. There’s plenty more to do.
