I'm a virgin extremely anxious over my sexuality. I intuitively find it very hard to believe that I'm lesbian, but I'm willing to accept it if I am. My first crush, on a boy at school, got me before I knew what was happening. Talking to him made me giddy and caused me to squeeze my legs together. It was only one day I was darting around at home excitedly at the thought of him that I realized this is what attraction was. In my later teens, I got the only girl crush in my life, which felt very similar to my boy crush, but I squashed it down out of shame. At 18, I stopped repressing and admitted that I'm very attracted to the female form, significantly more than the male form. Most of my sexual fantasies were, as they still are, very self-focused, involving my body being transformed into animalistic creatures and losing control, or taboo feelings. I have heard the controversial term 'heteroromantic homosexual' but I think it's misleading. I only crush on and date guys. While I'm a virgin by choice and don't think about sex with them, these 'romantic' feelings are of a sexual nature. It's a hormonal, bodily feeling like what I described with my first crush, that makes me want to be physically close. While I certainly prefer women visually, my attraction to guys seems to be in forms other than visual. I recall things like thinking a guy in the room was cute and funny. He was wearing shorts and I felt an urge to touch his leg, and did so. If I hadn't seen his personality, I would have felt no attraction. With real-life women, I never have such urges, but on the other hand, women are much hotter and my top choice of what I think about alone in bed. The idea of touching a breast gives me exactly the same feeling as touching my own breast, so it's like an extended form of masturbation. I literally can't understand how a person could be exclusively straight, since they must like stimulating their own erogenous zones. I didn't try porn until last year during this questioning; when I did, I preferred seeing girls receive pleasure. Still, I find the female form just a lot sexier. I am out to family and friends as something like bi. I'm considering trying to date women, but only out of a sense of obligation, based on the visual attraction and fantasies. I can't relate to lesbian romance; aside from the one in school, I never have even fleeting crushes on women or experiences they talk about like being possessive over a female 'friend.' I truly feel like the rational view that I'm gay based on my unquestionable attraction to the female body contradicts my intuition about myself: that I'm a straight-leaning bisexual who would thoroughly enjoy sex with men I'm in love with after getting more experience.
Might also be worth mentioning that before I ever tried porn (and saw what men look like down there for the first time), my fantasies were very much about my loss of control and taboo fetish. They tended to involve women, but often just generic people, unattractive old men, or even just myself. I can be very aroused just thinking of me being corrupted or transformed. Since developing anxiety over my sexuality, I've tried specifically fantasizing about men using imagination. It was more difficult, especially with them not having the erogenous bits I do, but ultimately it worked and I was really turned on by the idea of his body against mine. It just concerns me how little I choose to do this voluntarily and how I visually prefer women.
Well, there’s way too much grey areas. But if you feel sexually attracted to both genders, then you are bi, if you feel sexually attracted to women, but romantically to men, then you bi-romantic lesbian. Idk I think it’s really a choice. If I were you, I would go for women since they are hotter than men. Also try to understand why you don’t wanna date women. If it’s the social anxieties and fears, then they should be faced, but if there’s no genuine romantic attraction to women, then I wouldn’t try to date them.But u have said that u have got a crush on a girl, so I think the romantic attraction to females is possible. Btw, in order to understand your sexuality better try to abstain from for at least 4 months. Also most women are slightly bi. A female friend of mine is completely straight, tho she watches lesbian porn just like other women.
This is a tough one, honestly. I won't say you're bisexual, but I will point out that accepting your attraction to women might not have fully helped you accept all aspects of it. You had one crush on a girl that you repressed out of shame; the fact that you haven't had any other female crushes since can be attributed to one of two things: 1) You're still dealing with some of the shame you associated with having romantic feelings for another girl, or 2) You haven't come across any others you weren't into beyond aesthetic appeal. You could fit more into the bi-curious camp, which isn't uncommon. Or you could be fully bisexual, but like I said--still grappling with your feelings of shame. It's important to note bisexuality is seldom 50/50, and seldom a fixed ratio of any kind; bisexuals and pansexuals tend to be on more of a sliding scale, since we're not only same-sex or opposite-sex attracted. Whatever your orientation is, there's no rush and no pressure to find the label that fits. Not everyone needs to label themselves, but if you find you want to in order to have greater clarity, I'm sure you'll find the one that fits with time.
Wait up, is being bi like today only girls turn me on, the next day only guys work for me? I used to think that bi people are those who are attracted to being sexes sexually, but the level of attractions is different. Were I mistaken?
Thanks. I genuinely don't feel any romantic interest in women, but I've read on this board that many people discover they have more attraction to the same sex than they thought once they try it and fully admit it. I do have a lot of social-based hangups even though I'm basically out. I guess the only way to know is to try. Oh, I'm fairly sure with my visual attraction to women that I'm at least bi. I was more afraid that I might be gay, judging by how much easier it is to fantasize about women and how I have a lot more sexual thoughts about female strangers. I rarely sexually fantasize about my male crushes and boyfriends, which alarms me. I know that many people think they're bi at first and then find out they were deeply repressing homosexuality, and I've been concerned that that's me, but some things make me think otherwise. Those people often say they mistook close friendship for romance. I've been close friends with guys who are interested in me, and I could differentiate it from romance. You're right that I might indeed have a lot of buried attraction to women I need to work through to find the answers. Thanks for replying; with all my stress it feels good to hear from a fellow bi woman.
No, not quite. Each bi person experiences things differently. While it's seldom a 50/50 split or a fixed split of any kind (20/80, 60/40, etc.) there are people who experience their attractions like that. For others, it's not that it changes from one day to the next so much as they might have a string of days or weeks where they notice a higher percentage of one over the other. It also depends on what kind of people are around you at the time, and what stage you are in your life (be it a shift in relationships, careers, parenting, location, etc.) Let me put it this way: Let's create ten groups of people, of which there are ten people. Let's make, say, 3 of those groups evenly split between men and women (so 5 and 5), 2 groups entirely men, 2 groups entirely women, and the last 3 groups a different ratio each time. And for the sake of argument, let's say the bisexual being presented these groups of people is one of those rare 50/50 split people. You might be thinking, "Okay, so they should like the same number of men and women in the evenly-split groups", but that won't necessarily be the case, because those men and women all bear different physical attributes. The bisexual might be attracted to all 5 women in one evenly-split group, but only be attracted to one in another. Same goes for the groups entirely consisting of one sex: in one group of all men, they might be attracted to 6 of them, and in the other, 3. I know that's probably a lot to take in, but it's definitely something I've given a lot of thought to. @Dewdrop No problem, I hope I've been of some help. It's definitely very confusing; it's difficult figuring out any aspect of ourselves at the best of times, but when you throw sexuality into the mix, it tends to be even more complicated. I hope you're able to sort through everything, and that whatever conclusion you come to, you'll be able to accept yourself.
Hm, this makes me question myself. I find women so much easier and more natural to fantasize about, and looking at a picture of one gets me going more than one of a man. Whereas with guys I need them to talk to me.
Just go with the flow. You definitely somewhere in the middle, so just date whoever you want to date. Nobody can define what you are. Your life - your choice.
