Hi everyone, I need all your advice, cause I might be losing my mind soon. I am a 22 year old woman and I came out as a lesbian when I was 20 years old. Before I came out, I used to talk to men, but I was never busy with my sexual orientation. I always knew I liked girls more, but my parents are also very strict. orientation wasnt a thing in my family. But.. after 20 years, I came out and now i am happier than ever! But now.. I have a girlfriend (almost two years now) but she still thinks I am attracted to men. Why? Because i used to talk to them BEFORE i came out. She thinks that me being a lesbian is a phase and she uses this in every argument as a reason to not be with me. She isn´t sure that I am a lesbian and I am so angry. I spent 20 years of my life unhappy and now my own girlfriends says she thinks me being a lesbian is all an act. Can someone give me advice, because no matter what she says.SHE WILL NOT LISTEN TO ME
With very little information I'd say your girlfriend has an "insecurity" situation. FYI even though I am gay, some of my best friends are women. They rock and I love interacting with them.
Definitely getting insecure vibes regarding your girlfriend. Talking to men doesn't equate dating them, and nor does your orientation stop you from being friends with them. Her logic confuses me; is she one of those lesbians that outright hates/fears men, or something? I just can't imagine someone who isn't either or would have a problem with you talking to men. It just doesn't make any sense. And even if you had dated a man before her, it would have only been because you thought it was expected of you prior to accepting your sexuality. I would try to point these things out to her, and reassure her (if you can) that talking to guys doesn't mean anything. Use examples of how you feel about her emotionally and physically when you're around her to show her you've not deceived her regarding your orientation or your feelings for her. (Surely you have some examples that prove your dedication to her?) Other than that, I'm not sure what else you can do. If she's made up her mind not to listen, a break-up may be on the horizon--and though it's unfortunate, it wouldn't be your fault. Sometimes, people need to work through their insecurities before they can commit to a relationship. She might very well come around once she's had some time to think your words over.
Hey thats tough. Have you asked her what it is she wants you to do that would prove it to you, that way you can put the ball back in her court. I agree with the insecurity, I mean you can never change your past, if that isnt something she can deal with (not that it is even an issue) then perhaps you are not the right girl for her. It is not fair for her to keep using it against you in arguements.
As others have said, I think you should raise this with her specifically. Not in the middle of an argument, but calmly and try to get a concrete answer. You’ve been together two years and she’s still not convinced...if she’s genuinely thinks you’re straight, why’s she still with you? She could be grasping at anything to push your buttons in the heat of the argument, which is not fair on you and hopefully she’ll stop if you explain how it makes you feel. Or does she think you’re bisexual and feels threatened? If so, perhaps you can talk about your feelings and work it out. If you can’t come to a resolution, then you may need to think about whether or not this is a deal breaker. It’s really not fair on you.
Why do would be with someone who argues. Then is upset you talked or talk with men. Accuses you of not being who you are. You need a person that helps you grow and empowers you to be your best.
