Well, I did it. I outed myself last night on a more personal social media site, one where people I know in real life will see it. There was nothing brave about it, not for me; it was more out of desperation to stop my mind from spinning over whether I should or not than anything. If I didn't "medicate" before bed, I probably wouldn't have slept at all--but just the same, there was little sleep to be had, and what I did have was pretty much brimming with anxiety. So far, I've only gotten one tired joke from an old friend (I don't think he means anything nasty about it, but y'know--people) and so far everyone else who's commented has been really nice. I'm still on edge though, because the people I know will have a problem either haven't seen it yet, or have refrained from saying anything. I'm betting the former, because so far, no one's unfriended me. Anyway, my nerves are completely shot, and I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how to help me calm down enough to focus on things I need to do today, or just calm down in general. Or is this something that's just going to have to run its course?
I can completely empathize! I struggle with anxiety and some of my go-to tools are deep breathing, meditation, soft, calming music, TV shows or videos that make me laugh, exercise (works every time), visualizing being in your happy place like the lake, beach, mountains, and if none of those work, I eat lots of chocolate! I hope your anxiety lessens, and this coming-out experience goes better than expected!
I'll definitely have to try all of these. Well, maybe not soft music. I find if I listen to music that feels powerful, defiant, etc. it usually helps when I'm in any other mood. So hopefully it helps me harness some of that "I don't care what anyone thinks" feeling. And thank you so much, I hope so too--on both counts.
Update: I've had lulls in my anxiety here and there, and I'm not sure how much of it is feeling good that I finally got it out there (even if I'm still a nervous wreck) or if my body just lacks the capacity to remain in a constant state of hypervigilance. In either case, the responses I've gotten so far have been positive. I've a feeling the negative are just around the corner though, and if they don't come, the people who feel that way might opt to keep their counsel until later. (Trust me, I can think of at least a few people who will have something to say--even if they don't say it to me). Anyway, just trying to keep my chin up as best I can. I know other people go through more sweat-inducing outings, especially kids with homophobic and transphobic parents. I'm grateful that I'm old enough to cut toxic people out of my life who would have otherwise made all this ten times harder. As long as I can keep things in perspective, I should be fine.
Another update (sorry for all the posts). People--including some of the people I thought would find issue with it--are taking my coming out really well. I am super relieved, but I still can't help feeling like the other shoe's going to drop. But you know what? That's okay, because right now, I feel pretty damn good; good about finally being able to be fully honest, about having one less thing on my mind, and with having people be a lot more supportive than I thought they'd be. If any negativity comes my way now, I think I'll be able to handle it just fine.
Congrats on just getting it out there!!! When my anxiety is spinning me out I try to touch base with what is really happening around me. So I might say to myself “oh, right now I’m having an imaginary conversation in my head with so-and-so about my orientation. Actually I’m in the car right now picking my child up from school.” I notice what I’m doing, bring myself back to the present moment and don’t judge my thoughts. A friend recently sent me an article about disengaging from people whose actions or words are hurtful toward you, especially when it is causing you anxiety. Basically we get anxious because we somehow think its our responsibility to manage their behavior or thoughts, when in actuality it is not and these things are out of our control. There’s some really good stuff spelling out the process of disengaging and caring for yourself. It’s Something I’ve been trying to do today as I’ve found myself having many imaginary, anxious conversations with someone I came out to who I know is accepting but does not agree. https://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/1995/the-art-of-lovingly-disengaging.html
And I would add just be patient and kind to yourself. You just did a big thing and the timeline of how long it takes you to be okay with yourself and others is your own. So don’t judge for it taking too long, or being anxious too often or any of that. It’s a big deal. This is big stuff. And you are awesome!
@KJmusical That's it, exactly! I didn't realize how common it was to have anxiety stemming from imagined conversations. I think I do it because my subconscious is trying to help me prepare in the event it comes to pass, but it's definitely frustrating when these imagined conversations start feeling a little too real. I'll definitely try your techniques and give the link a look-see. Anything to make that part of me calm down a bit more. And thank you so much. <3 I'll definitely try.
“I am not what I think I am, I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am.” -Charles Cooley- Much of our identity is perceived by how we think others perceive us. I think it’s important to keep that in the back of our minds. Of course taken to the extreme this is a terrible way to live but none the less as humans this is a feature of our social life. Surround yourself with the people that love you and you love and life tends to make more sense and be less stressful.
It's great to hear you have worked through hopefully the worst of the anxiety, it is really tough when you feel like you are just sitting waiting for the bad things to happen. Perhaps keep a note of some of those positive comments so that if your anxiety does return you can look back over them and remind yourself that any person that does have a problem isnt going to compete against the many that do. Enjoy the good feelings.
