1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Help Needed

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by William99, Feb 19, 2020.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 2 of 2
  1. Ambigously

    Ambigously
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2020
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    All the checking is feeding the misery. You have to get therapy, help for OCD, and also weirdly you have to accept the fact you might be gay. Sounds counter intuitive, but you need to embrace whatever possibility might arise. You have to agree with the thoughts.
    =
     
    #21 Ambigously, Feb 22, 2020
    Chip likes this.
  2. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    First step, make an appointment with your GP and just be totally honest. In the meantime keep reading and posting on EC if it helps.
     
    #22 silverhalo, Feb 22, 2020
    Needhelp3 likes this.
  3. William99

    William99
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I just wish that my tests towards men would arouse me then at least I’d have an idea. I’m in limbo and feel I’m cheating my family. I can’t see me ever being with someone of the same sex. Alas this could be internalised homophobia ‍♂️

    the battle
    Continues
     
    #23 William99, Feb 23, 2020
    Needhelp3 likes this.
  4. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No one can diagnose you on the basis of things discussed in Internet posts. However, the symptoms you describe are a textbook classic presentation consistent with OCD. You need diagnosis by a mental health professional, and likely medication. Not more 'testing', not to 'try being gay', not any of that. Medication and therapy.
     
    #24 Chip, Feb 24, 2020
    William99 likes this.
  5. William99

    William99
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I’m sorry, I presume that you guys in here are gay. I’m just trying to get an idea of how things work. Would gay people get aroused by straight porn and thoughts? Do gay people get reactions from gay porn and thoughts physically?

    If I was indeed gay would I get urges to seek out same sex partners? Is it possible to be so much in denial that these urges wouldn’t happen?

    I don’t ever remember having an urge to want to sleep with someone of the same sex or kiss someone of the same sex. Is this just conditioning because of my heterosexual up bringing?

    Do I need to expose myself to a situation?

    The safety of experimenting with gay porn and thoughts hasn’t brought me a resolution?

    Am I looking for something that isn’t there? The fact that I’m questioning must have some foundations?

    Even coming on this forum must be a sign yes?

    Thanks so much again
     
    #25 William99, Feb 27, 2020
  6. Unsure77

    Unsure77
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2019
    Messages:
    589
    Likes Received:
    410
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yes, a lot of the people here are lgbt. But, we also see people suffering with OCD. People who are gay are attracted to people of the same sex. They don’t have to trick themselves or convince themselves or continually test themselves into it. There may be some degree of testing early on, but you don’t have to fight your way into it any more than you have to convince yourself to like chocolate or not. People with OCD tend to want to constantly test themselves and worry about being gay, even though they never actually feel gay feelings. If you do have OCD, you would need to seek professional help to get treatment to get relief.

    tldr: You don’t sound gay. Gay people are telling you that you don’t sound gay. You sound like you may have ocd, but you’d need to see a doctor to see.
     
    #26 Unsure77, Feb 27, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
  7. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey its true most people here are lgbt but we have no problem if people aren't, its a safe space here.

    Each time you have these thoughts you need to re read @Chip's post. Gay or straight until you speak to someone about what appears to be your OCD symptoms you are never going to figure it out. You need to speak to your GP.
     
    #27 silverhalo, Feb 28, 2020
    Chip likes this.
  8. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You cannot reliably answer this question until you address the OCD-like symptoms.

    More likely, it means you are straight.
    No. You need help for the OCD symptoms.

    It won't because of the OCD symptoms.

    Most likely, yes.

    Yes, the foundation is that you likely have OCD.

    Nope, we have folks here who question, figure out they are straight, and accept that. And we have others here with OCD symptoms who ask the same questions over and over, talking endlessly in circles, sometimes for years, instead of getting help. Hopefully you will not be one of them.
     
    #28 Chip, Feb 28, 2020
  9. William99

    William99
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all

    Hi chip,

    thanks for the reply, been reading through posts etc and came across a reply you gave someone else which made me terrified. I’ll quote it if ok?

    “I've heard a lot of gay men say that they never realized they had same-sex attraction until one day, one particular guy, maybe someone they saw on the street, or someone they struck up a friendship with... or even, someone they had a hookup with... puts them in touch with their same-sex attraction, and often, once that barrier comes down, they suddenly find a torrent of feelings opening up”

    This has made me feel sick, am I in this bargain phase. I’m sick to my stomach at the prospect. I need to discover if I have same sex attraction, how can I know?

    So sorry
     
    #29 William99, Mar 2, 2020
  10. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I will let @Chip answer this too but as we have previously said you dont really have any gay signs apart from the fact you cannot stop questioning your sexuality. The torrent of feelings Chip is talking about is not questioning its feelings for guys which you dont really have.
     
    #30 silverhalo, Mar 2, 2020
  11. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    For the 10,000th time,

    You are exhibiting all the signs of OCD. Your problem is almost certainly related to OCD. The OCD symptoms have hijacked your brain and you aren't going to get any peace of mind until you get help for the OCD. Everything else, all the rest of the conjecture, is false, caused by your OCD, and a complete waste of time. You're going in circles that aren't helpful to you or to anyone else.
     
    #31 Chip, Mar 2, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2020
  12. William99

    William99
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I’m really sorry Chip, the more I think about it the more I start to realise that I must be gay. I’ve been lying to myself all along.
    I think I’ve been repressing things and my sexual attraction to men well developed naturally.
    I’m devastated by this realisation. I’ve destroyed so many peoples lives and an physically sick with this.
    The thought that my happiness lays with the same sex isn’t what I want. If I could disappear and never be seen again then that would be what I want.

    i would genuinely not want to be here with that outcome.

    thanks for all your insight and help.
     
    #32 William99, Mar 4, 2020
  13. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Either way you need to seek profession help to work through it
     
    #33 silverhalo, Mar 4, 2020
    William99 and Unsure77 like this.
  14. Unsure77

    Unsure77
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2019
    Messages:
    589
    Likes Received:
    410
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree with @silverhalo. You need to see a therapist or doctor.
     
    #34 Unsure77, Mar 5, 2020
    William99 likes this.
  15. Lexa

    Lexa
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    173
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    As a bisexual who kind of got stuck in a loop too at some point, please see a therapist. It doesn't even matter if you have OCD or not, talking to a therapist will help you find out what your sexual orientation is, and isn't that what you are questioning in the first place? The forum members can give you support, not therapy.
     
    #35 Lexa, Mar 6, 2020
    William99 likes this.
  16. Chiroptera

    Chiroptera
    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,505
    Likes Received:
    1,383
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    We strongly empathize with people who struggle with OCD. However, as we are a forum based on peer support, it's impossible to provide advice for cases like this as precisely as a therapist would.

    There is nothing wrong in asking for professional help. On the contrary, it may be incredibly helpful to many people, including cases of OCD, providing insights that can't be made possible through online peer support in isolation, without the help of a professional

    As said before, this thread is going in circles, which isn't helpful to anyone here, including the OP. Therapy is the efficient way to go.
     
    #36 Chiroptera, Mar 6, 2020
    LostInDaydreams and William99 like this.
Page 2 of 2
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.