You In or Out? Trans closet discussion

I am mostly closeted, the only people who know are my parents (in order to help me get the medical aspects sorted) and my best friends. I told my friends it was something I was thinking about first, but the first people I really came out to was my parents, telling them I was going through with transition. Most of the reason I'm not out is because I want to start medically transitioning before I do anything socially. I just don't feel comfortable calling myself a woman until I start seeing some of the physical changes.

I don't really worry much about coming out to friends and immediate family. I have some doubts about one of my sisters who is a radical feminist, and while she respects that trans people need to transition and uses correct names/pronouns, she doesn't fully recognize them as their gender and says things like 'you can always tell'. My main anxiety actually comes from my athletic life. I do competitive rock climbing and I love it, but I'm worried about judgement once I come out, even though I plan on competing as male for the first year or so.

Being closeted doesn't give me pause for the most part, but sometimes I get hit with a request for pronouns, or a gender checkbox on a survey, and I feel torn. It's like I'm being actively made aware of my gender in an uncomfortable way.

 

I am fully out, yet stealthing it.

‘Meaning I’m open about my transition if people inquire but I don’t broadcast it

 

I'm sort of in-out?
At one point I was more certain than ever that I wanted absolutely to transition and live my life as a woman, no matter what. (spoiler alert, I wasn't ready). Anyhow, my girlfriend, best friend, some uncles and aunts and several psychology docs knew but I decided to just let most of the rest know too, so several close coworkers, more family and pretty much all my friends, my mother and father and my 6 brothers and sisters.

At the time I wanted to start presenting so I went on a shopping spree and got myself lots of feminine clothing and shoes and stuff that I thought I would wear and makeup and all the stuffs. I started just wearing it at home and at my parents home and around friends if it was good and safe. Then I went to my friend's band shows dressed up and used the relevant bathrooms and whatever have you without too much issues. It was going well I think, I even found an informed concent clinic to start hormones once the blood work was done.

Just as I got more or less used to it my girlfriend had a massive meltdown about our failing relationship, about how she didn't want to date a woman and how she can't stand me whan I'm me and not the old me. At the same time several family members and friends were still calling me dude, and bro and by my given name and just sort of treating it like it never happened. This was especially true for my parents too, I'd be there in a dress and heels and makeup and feeling like the world could not tople me, just to be called Leon and bam, I'm an uncertain mess feeling yuk in my own skin. Eventually uncertainty got the better of me, I started doubting if it's what I was and if what I felt was valid and of I really wanted to lose what I felt like I was losing and before I could actually makeup my mind and figure things out, I had let my shame steer me back into the closet.

I'm permanently in male mode, not because I want to be, not because I don't want to go ahead, but because I'm emotionally stupid and let my fear and worry and especially the thought of being without my girlfriend push me right back into hiding.

So most folks around me know, they might consider it a phase or a kink or something, they might think it's over and gone because they don't see it all the time, I don't know. I just know I felt better about myself and had a sort of acceptance of myself in that brief time that was better than ever and I miss it and the friends who left when I turned my back on myself for my relationship. Apparently they couldn't handle me putting myself down for a lover like I did and the resulting depression and negativity.

Whatever. As I said. In out.

Katelyn.

 

I'm in a weird sort of position, because I'm out to my parents, and most of my friends. At school, if anyone asks I'll say that I'm non-binary to most, if not all, but I'm not really sure how one of my oldest friends will react, seeing as her christianity led her to not be totally comfortable with gay stuff. I'm planning on just getting a pronoun pin and wearing it to school, which will be nerve-wracking, but I'm tired of people not knowing who I am. Plus, I just moved this year, so most people won't care.

Almost every time that I've come out, it's been on impulse. For my dad, he said he was glad I was being such a supportive allie to my trans friends, and I said I might be more than supportive. With one of my friends, we were with some friends at lunch running around with pride flags, and I ended up with the non-binary one. I looked over to my friend and said that I was glad I was able to carry my flag. She was like, do you know what that flag means? And I said yes. Both of those times and all the others, I wasn't planning on coming out, I just decided 'welp, I'm doing this now'. I like that way of coming out.

 

I'm a bit of a mix. Most of my coworkers know. Some clients I work with have an idea. For reference, I work a job where I work primarily with men. I don't really worry about being in or out. If it comes out, I handle it, but I don't worry too much about it. Most people just read me as being "super gay". So, that throws a lot of people off. At the end of the day, I'm lucky to be in a position where I pass, so that helps me to not worry about being in or out as much.

 

Well for me it's tough since I'm very much fresh at this, I only just found out that I'm non-binary and I feel super paralyzed when it comes to doing anything to change my presentation. So I've technically told my parents and my two closest friends, but really I doubt any of them actually understand how much of a drastic change I'm going for. So I'm currently in a rather upsetting sort of limbo, where I've already come out to the people closest to me, but that hasn't helped me nearly as much as I'd hoped in getting me to work towards being comfortable with myself. I feel like I'm still closeted to basically everyone I've told, just because they don't understand that I'm not just asking for different pronouns (which I haven't even done yet either so :L).

Anyway, it's not quite so frustrating in all honesty, I do have moments of clarity that are pretty awesome and I did just recently come out to an older sibling of mine who is almost unquestionably going to break the mold regarding my experiences coming out up until now. But still, where I am now I feel rather stuck for the most part

 

I told two people how i feel, one relative and one friend. I chose those two because i thought they would be the most understanding. My friend was great about it and the family member not too bad after the initial shock. It felt good to tell someone because it helped me to clarify where i stood on things. So far i've not felt ready to tell anyone else, mainly because i would like to alter my appearance more before i do that so that i feel more myself. Also there are definitely people i know that would have a problem with accepting it. It is frustrating sometimes to be half in half out and worrying about reactions, but it is a work in progress.