My friend has been in a relationship for about 6 years now a recently she has found corsets and other feminine clothing in his size and other materials such as breasts and make up in his closet but he hasnt said anything to her about them she thinks he may be leaving them out for her to find but she has no idea how to talk to him about it since he isnt a great communicator and she doesnt want to push him away... Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
Welcome to EC. I think it’s really hard to predict how that conversation might go. I would suggest to not go in with accusations or with highly emotional comments...perhaps just state the facts and ask for an explanation. She’ll need to be prepared to explain why she was looking through his things in the first place, unless it was very obviously left out.
Thank you for your suggestion, it appears to be going badly, she asked him about what she had found (she didnt really snoop it was on the floor of the closet in the room they share) and he hasnt spoken to her since except to tell her she shouldnt have been in his things, which is an ok thing to be mad about but not quite enough to cut all communication in my mind. All she wants is to support him as long as he isnt cheating on her but he doesnt seem ready to talk to her yet
He’s probably feeling vulnerable and it’s understandable that he’s also feeling defensive. With time, hopefully they can have some constructive conversations.
It's a tough one but I agree with @LostInDaydreams he is probably scared and uncertain. It might be that he did leave them out because a part of him wanted her to find them but now the subject has been brought up he is feeling like he cant cope with it. I think if she just makes sure he knows she is open to talking when he is ready, then just give him time and wait for him to come around.
Thats what im hoping for, it seems like they finally almost had a conversation today but all he would say was that she never needed to be worried about him cheating... Hopefully in time they will be able to have a real conversation. Thank you for your help
Thank you guys so much for your help, and thank you for asking for me. I’m hoping that while I’m away this weekend we can text about it a little bit. I understand that he’s angry because I found out but I’m also hurt that he feels he needs to hide this from me. I just need to know what’s going on, but as long as he’s faithful and honest then I can completely support this, hell im all for doing it with him!
It's ok and I can understand why it feels hurtful but sometimes when you have something like this or questioning your sexuality going on those closest too you can be the hardest to talk to about it because if they react badly you have the most to lose. Just keep communication open and give him time.
The problem is he won’t talk to me yet, I’m out of town for the weekend so he’s getting the space he needs but it’s killing me not talking to him
Yeah I totally understand that and whilst I've not been in your postition I can imagine it's painful that he seems to not be able to talk to you about it but I'm sure he will as soon as he can. I know when I was first figuring out my sexuality, at first I wanted nobody to know and then I wanted people to know but I couldn't tell them, then it swung backwards and forwards between wanting them to know and not wanting them to know. He could potentially have a lot of shame built up into all of this and he maybe just needs to sort some moreover of it out in his own head first. I know that doesn't help you but in the long run your patience will pay off. In the meantime keep posting and chatting to us if it helps.
