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How to handle online dating? Any signs to look out for?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by CGGuy, Jan 27, 2020.

  1. CGGuy

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    Hey everyone,

    It has been a while since I have been here, but I am glad I am back. So I moved on from the stage of being an underage adolescent to an adult that dates. Hehe, crazy world. Anyway, so I have been on ###### talking here and there and a guy said he wants a very serious relationship, so i think it means a committed exclusive relationship. I actually got excited, because I was looking forward for such a thing for a long time, and have even been on and off searching specifically for that with no luck.

    Nevertheless, I talked with the guy and he is super cute, but the problem is here: I feel that I am putting in too much effort; he doesn't reply back fast, he drops one word replies occasionally, and I always initiate the conversation. This is making me feel clingy, sensing that he is uninterested. Mind you that I am usually fast-paced, especially if I click with people or am interest with a person. For now, he didn't say anything negative, but I feel like I should act "sacred" and "hard-to-get" although I am against this approach as I feel that it is very manipulative. I googled some terms to describe what's happening and "benching" seems to fit. I feel that I am taking it too seriously while he is casually having multiple people and choosing in-between without me knowing.

    On a side note, I told him that I will be able to see him today, and he totally forgot since he woke late and told me that I should've reminded him. Therefore, if he is serious would he do this? I do not know what to expect, especially that I am knowing him through text and I do not want to scare him off by repeatedly telling him to hang out, although, I am keen on finding out if we might be a good fit. Moreover, I get vulnerable with people and am very expressive.

    Finally, any thoughts on the expectations? How things usually go? When is it an appropriate time to go out with him? When do I get to be upset with him or tell him stuff about me (like I did not appreciate how he said he is "very serious" yet missed meeting me ((given that I live in a different city than him))?

    **You can see that I am actually nervous and hoping this works well.
     
    #1 CGGuy, Jan 27, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2020
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    A “serious relationship” doesn’t happen over night. It’s something that people work towards, at different paces. Just because he says that he is looking for a serious relationship, doesn’t mean that it won’t start more relaxed or that he sees it something that might happen with you (and this is assuming that he was being honest to begin with).

    It might be the way you’ve written your post, but it reads like him wanting a serious relationship is what you’re mainly attracted to. You’ve not really said anything about liking *him* as a person or whether you have much in common.

    How long have you been dating?
     
  3. CGGuy

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    It hasn't been long, only a week. But that is my point, I am just scared to continue and find out that it was such a blow/fraud, you know what I mean? Because I get attached to people that I like, in a healthy way for sure, but healing for me takes quite a while, and I surely do not want another serving of that.
     
  4. eismeister

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    :blush:Hey there,

    Having been in your situation with just starting to figure out things with online dating, I would say the main things I wish I told myself years ago are the following:

    1. Don’t get too attached to the person until at least the third date. I have had great connections with girls for weeks with one or two dates, only for them to show they were really not interested.

    2. Don’t get too invested in how/when people respond. If someone wants to talk to you enough, they will. If the don’t they won’t put in the effort.

    3. That being said, don’t buy into those bollix “rules” where you need to wait twice the amount of time it took them to answer to respond to them. I would say don’t hang onto messages responding right away, just casual.

    4. Keep things light and relaxed. If he answers, he answers. If not, move on. It’s a real blow when someone you really fancy just doesn’t appear to feel the same, but there are plenty more where he came from who are better.

    5. Don’t let it consume you. This is so easy when we are with our phones all day. Focus on the things you enjoy. Seems to me that it always happens when you’re living your life, someone pops up unexpectedly in great ways.

    And above all, always remember that online dating is not a reflection on how great you are as a person. It is bad for everyone: gay, straight, and in between. Your relationship will come along. Keep your head up and your eyes open, it will happen. Hope that’s helpful, in no way trying to talk down to ya, mate. Just been there, done that.