I just know things will improve. I've been through our finances and an affordable separation is doable. I was offered a place to stay but then the person changed their mind. I'm really disappointed but okay because I know this person is my friend but doesn't want to be part of my current situation. So my exit is delayed but it will happen I just need to have rent money available and then I will not have to rely on others. Right now my wife is being cordial, I hope it lasts. My boys are 21 and 25. They tell me that when I am not home she rants about how selfish and cruel I am. They have asked me to stop putting them in that situation. I told them that is out of my control. Her behavior is not my responsibility. Last time it happened I had gone to breakfast with some friends. I was gone about 3 hours and it was the first time that I had been away without her in 2 weeks. I feel like since I came out to her she is making every effort eliminate opportunities to be without her.
Yes @Fritzcoop , things will get better. You're absolutely right, your wife's behavior is not your responsibility. I think she knows that since she's being cordial with you.
Fritzcoop, You really shouldn't worry about it. Your boys are grown; they'll figure it out eventually, and they'll understand why you stayed as long as you did (for them, probably, as I did for my kids). As long as you have some supports in place for your exit, you will be okay. Her mental health is really her responsibility. This may seem callous, but it's true. My partner depended upon me for everything, and, as a result, I felt so overburdened, and, many times, begged her to take responsibility for herself. That's why I gave up so much of my own life and stayed for so so so long, because she was so dependent (even though its not what I ever wanted). I can only speak from my own experience. I gave up so much for my wife and children and "doing what was right", I though, at the time, that I never got to live the life I wanted. We only have so long on this earth; how do you want the end to be?
I too believe that I have given up much to provide my wife with the appearance of an ideal family. I'm exhausted. Her dependence on me is suffocating. Since my admission she acting even more dependent too. But it IS an act and now that I'm aware of that, the game is ending.
Hi there, I haven't read your entire story, or what you have shared previously so what I am about to suggest might have already been said elsewhere or might not be the best fit anymore. First things first, things will get better. It might not seem like it right now but they will. Reading over your current situation, I do get the sense that your wife might be acting or behaving in the way she does as of course for her, her own world is changing too. You are on a trajectory where you want to be yourself, experience the things you haven't been able to or allowed yourself to, and can begin to taste it. For your wife, things look a little different. I wouldn't be surprised, if her fears of what the future holds underpins her rants and other behaviours directed towards you. I don't know if you feel it worthwhile, but it might be time well spent trying to have a conversation (or perhaps another conversation) just about the fears and what the both of you can do moving forward - without looking back on what was.
