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Living in Limbo

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by cjmiller, Dec 28, 2019.

  1. 1cgd

    Regular Member

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    Is this supposed to be helpful somehow?
     
    maybgayguy and cjmiller like this.
  2. Lorna

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    I am a woman, and have a husband of 12 years. BUt for the last 3 years had been fantasizing about women... I am almost 50

    So I thought that I deserved to know if the fantasies were real or just fantasies... so I signed up for an app and met a gal after we had been texting for about a week. I had no idea if I was going to like her or not... but after about 8 seconds of meeting each other we were kissing. So yeah, we liked each other.

    I told my husband the very next day. I didn't tell him previously because I had no idea how that initial meeting with the woman would go.

    At first he didn't say much of anything... "do what you need to do"

    After a few days, then he wanted to know every single detail and was getting turned on.

    It really helped open communication in our relationship. However, the attraction and connection with the woman is so strong, like nothing I have ever felt before.

    So now my husband and I are trying to figure it all out... am I bi or gay... am I enough 'bi' that I can stay in a hetero marriage? Or do I want to?

    I am going to a therapist on Monday... not for her to tell me if I'm a lesbian... but really to get help on strategies and how to deal with this.

    My husband is "letting me" see this other woman here and there... so I can get perspective

    It's long a complicated and I have no idea how it's going to end, however I encourage you to tell your wife.

    It's her life too and she should have all of the information so she can make the best decision for her as well.
     
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  3. justaguyinsf

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    If I understood the comment correctly I think the point being made was that there are often secondary gains that we are receiving from something we claim is awful and that we want to stop. For example, going around in circles with someone you want to break-up with allows you to keep putting off the moment of truth and pain, even though you say to others how awful the going around in circles feels. Sorry @elandra if I missed your point completely!
     
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  4. Contented

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    Lorna’s comments are an example that once you open the door to same sex attraction it is almost impossible to close that door. It makes your evaluate every aspect of your sexuality and your desires for the future. Unfortunately when this happens later in life there are other people’s lives that must be taken into consideration. Most times the only real solution is for you both to move on. This is never easy and most times not without guilt however both being free to find someone who can love each of them in the manner that they require is paramount to happiness.
     
  5. moxie

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    Thank you for these kind and understanding words. It is so hard to hear that not coming out in a certain time frame is deceiving or wrong or punishing your spouse. It is not simple or easy and I'm finally starting to accept that it is my journey to go through on my own time frame. I hope cjmiller that you know and believe this and can find and follow your own path.
     
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