Found in my early 30s after a halucinogen trip. Didn't have the classic story that I've known since I was 10 or earlier. Some reasons for that is coming from a place where no awareness of LGBT exists. Going through a depression right now. Have some attraction to men or at least to penis. An recently attraction to women - or at least to the idea of settling down with one and having a family. Typical pattern: Failure to develop close mail friendship - (had only one close male friends) through my childhood and adolescence. Was anxious around women. Never had any issues with LGBT at all, just didn't think I was gay or Bi until recently. Had my first oral experience (giving) to a guy. It was great. I loved it. Just didn't like his attitude that he wouldn't reciprocate and cuddling together felt gross. I would have imagined the whole thing to be mutual with oral. The giving and receiving.
There is never a perfect time to explore all this stuff. I'm dealing with some mental health issues at the moment (a part of which has to do with my sexuality), I'd like to experiment more.
Well chatting to people on EC will help. It is good to be in a position where you are able to explore. I think actually that there are lots of people who dont realise their sexuality until they are older, especially if they come from a place where there is no awareness.
If u would have asked me when I was 25 I would have told you honestly enough I am straight with a few kinks. I am 40 now and gay. I have been with and enjoyed woman. In the long run the more I experimented with men the more I realized I am gay. Woman are attractive to me. I don't want to sleep with them anymore. Its a long journey.
Life is a such a journey isnt it...I understand what you are going through. If you had asked me a few years ago if I was straight, I would have said mostly. Take your time, talk to others, explore...live your life. No labels, no judgments... If you have no attachments (wife, kids) take it as a rebirth.
I agree with everyone above, live your life as you want to and get some enjoyment out of it. Very late in life I discovered that I liked men just as much as I do women. The nice part is that I am with a lady that is supportive and loves me for who I am, just plain lucky is all there is to it.
I'm really happy for you. Having the support of your significant other is amazing. I'm single and I've stubbornly kept avoiding issue and trying to sleep with women occasionally. Mostly out of loneliness. But what I most enjoy is just cuddling with them and the intimacy. I think I'm gay/trans etc in heavy suppression mode and I'm trying to get myself into a place where I can be more independent and have a supportive community. I'm not into partying anymore and don't have super liberal views as I feel are often expected in lgbt spaces where I am. I have an interest in religious community but feel that adds another layer to this conflict. I'm not sure what to explore first. At the moment I don't have a community. My political views are not the typical in my area and are portrayed to be at odds with lgbt and I have some interest in religion. I feel like a walking contradiction and am getting more an more into despair. I can't seem to may any decision because I'm stuck with this conflict.
Can you expand on how you felt like you were straight with a few kinks? What changed for you? Was there anything as a kid or teenager that led you to believe you weren’t straight? What made you think you were straight? Sorry to bombard this thread but I think it would be great if you could eleborate a bit more
Hey- All this stuff can feel really complicated to figure out. I always thought it was straight forward for me- my thinking when I was younger was this: "I'm straight but I went through a 'bi-phase' because there was that one time when I was thirteen and had a raging crush on my best female friend and wanted to kiss her...and I believe there's an exception to every rule. I could possibly meet a woman and she might be my exception, right? Maybe my friend was my exception because when I picture myself with just any woman other than her (insert woman here) I don't really feel anything at all." Fast forward to my 20's. My narrative changed to this: "I'm so shocked whenever I'm dancing with my friend at a bar and realizing that actually there's a hint of sexual tension there...well, more than a hint, but not as much as with a guy. It's just because I feel so close to her, right? Or maybe it's just because I'm desperate to discover whether or not she's my "exception" like I thought when I was a teenager. This is just silly and fun. I'm just going to enjoy it." Then, several months later, while checking out this girl and thinking she's absolutely gorgeous in a Teavana, she asked for my e-mail address so we could get in touch and hang out (I'm thinking as friends). Then my husband (boyfriend at the time) walks in and kisses me. Later, we e-mail back and forth and she admits she thought I was gay because of how I was checking her out and she wanted to ask me out, but then she saw me 'kiss that guy'. So I e-mailed her back that I was "bi" just to see how it sounded. "OMFG I so cannot handle my shit," was what ensued in my head for the next five years. Fast forward to now. I was teaching a few years ago when I noticed myself feeling insanely close to my partner teacher, whom I worked with a lot. At the end of the year, I was fantasizing about having sex with her all the time...and that's when I decided to just subtly walk into her room one morning, while pretending to talk about work-relevant stuff, and try to pay attention to how I was feeling...like really pay attention...and it was like, "holy shit I have feelings for her". I have all sorts of feelings for women that would lead me to believe I could be with one. I definitely like guys more than girls, but I like girls. For sure. And these days I like fantasizing about sex with girls way more than I like fantasizing about sex with guys. I guess I'll just never know to what degree my liking is capable of going because I'm married. But maybe it's not so important.
