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Feeling like an intruder

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by love dont judge, Dec 29, 2019.

  1. love dont judge

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know that I am mostly overthinking this, but I cannot seem to be able to get past this. Recently, I was accepted into an all-female honors and leadership scholar program. While I was initially ecstatic and in disbelief, it incredibly affirming. However, part of this scholars program is a retreat coming up 2 weekends ago, and a seminar with the other 19 people who were accepted into it. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. I've gotten used to going on various retreats with people who are virtually strangers. However, with this being all-female, I am incredibly nervous. I can't help but feel like I'm an intruder into their space, because I know my concept of being a woman is radically different than theirs, and I haven't shared the upbringing that they have. In addition, because I am physically male, I am worried about it being a little awkward. Obviously, the advisory board decided to accept me from the plethora of candidates, so I am not worried of any retaliation. But, I don't know how to get over this feeling and I really want to enjoy my time at the retreat, rather than constantly be thinking about my physical body and "not fitting in".
     
  2. Crisalide

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    This could happen to someone even for other reasons, without being trans. Imagine a woman who grew up in the countryside, drives trucks and tractors. Or a masculine lesbian. Or a woman who grew up in a conservative religious family and chose only recently to wear western clothes. Or whatever.
    Your diversity into that group could be precious. I don't know if you're stealth or not but, even being stealth, you can bring a different perspective into discussions.
     
  3. love dont judge

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    You're definitely right. I think that it's part of why I was selected into the group. I definitely emphasized some of my experiences with being trans during the interview process. I am 100% open, mostly because I plan on doing advocacy work. However, I am also pre-transition, which I should have specified. That's mostly where my feelings come from. I guess I'm just worried about not being seen as a girl/respected by the other scholars, which is why I feel like an intruder.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    I think that is a really tough one and I think it is naturally to be a bit nervous, I dont really have any words of wisdom but I guess just to hope that the other girls despite not having the same upbringing are open minded. I dont think everyone has to be the same to get along as long as they have the right mindset.