I would say whenever you are comfortable and if you are comfortable with the other person, usually that occurs naturally. I don't date men but with girls usually, they will tell me a story and kind of lean in squeeze my leg or touch my arm as they recall events. I also have arm tattoo and girls also often like to touch it and then ask the story behind it, or one will need to go to the bathroom or the bar or something and to leave she'll walk behind you and grab your hip to make way or something like that, it's usually subtle enough that it could seem benign but is usually the natural escalation of a date going well, I would say. It's up to you to find the way that works best for you though.
I really have no clue about this sort of stuff, but I don't understand why people who obviously find each other attractive enough to go on a date don't just touch etc right away?
it is possible for people to have second thoughts about the person they are on a date with during the actual date. Especially these days when we are using apps to meet people online. My date might think I look gorgeous in my profile picture, but in person he might change his mind about me because I don't have the body he was hoping I would have. And vice versa. I've met up with guys who I thought looked hot in their photos, but in person, they didn't turn me on. It doesn't have to be just about looks either. A personality can be a turn off. I once met up with a guy I met on an app because he had a nice smile in his pics, but when we met in person, he didn't smile the whole time, and he admitted to having no job and no money and I ended up paying for our food and drinks. This was a huge turn off, and I made my excuses and left as early as I could. So I didn't want him getting his hands on me. If I do start getting handsy on a date, it'll be when the conversation goes quiet and we run out of small talk.
So the simple rule, then, is if you find them attractive (and they seem into you too), touch them. If you don't find them attractive, don't. Either way, hesitation seems pointless ... See, even people like me can learn about this human dating stuff, lol
Yes and no, some people can be into you and not like being touched, so it's also a lot about reading body language, in my case, plenty of women have gone through sexual assault so I am very conscious about reading their body language but also making sure I don't overstep the line and make them feel uncomfortable, in most cases those are girls I have met on an app (it's different with girls you meet at bars or an event) and to whom I am pretty much still a stranger after the first date. Some girls will make it clear they are into physical contact on the first date, and others will be more shy and so I won't initiate until date 2 (or 3?) and will most likely ask before doing so.
Whilst that makes sense (sadly), it doesn't fully compute with me (I know I'm the odd one here). To me it's just 'we like each other, let's touch' ... I don't really get the stuff inbetween. Of course, I'm saying this from a theoretical perspective - I dislike any human touching me in any intimate or romantic sense. But if I was able to date my inorganic lover I expect we'd be all over each other right away I guess you know what you're doing in the dating realm far more than I do, so whatever works and makes everyone happy It's a real shame that bad experiences leave so many people unable to do what they really would like to do out of fear and stuff. That makes me sad
Yes, it's unfortunate, trauma really change the ability of a person to be physical with others and can genuinely ruin someone's right to an healthy sex life, it's incredibly sad and a very long process to overcome.
Why is it a "right"? This is so wildly bewildering to me. (why is it considered necessary, how are lots of people so casual yet serious about it, etc.)
You don’t think you have the right to not have your sex life ruined by sexual assault or sexual abuse? I do think people have a right to not see themselves abused or assaulted. Don’t you?
a) I don't come from a touchy-feely family and I don't have touchy-feely friends. I am not a touchy-feely person b) I have anxiety and when I'm more anxious than normal, I HATE being touched and have no problem making that extremely clear (moving away etc) If the date is going extremely well and after HOURS (like 6+), then yeah, nearing the end, I'll hold hands and kiss. Even now, despite how long I've known them or the connection (friend/bf/etc), I just hate hugging people. I'm just the kind of person where touching a stranger feels so extremely wrong and uncomfortable for me, no matter how hot they are. **** Unless it's a hookup, I generally would say it's inappropriate to touch within the first several hours. For kissing, I can't see how you can go wrong by asking to kiss them or being cutesy " you look so cute; I really want to kiss you". For my fellow cold-climate friends "Are your hands cold?" or "let me warm up your hands" is a gentle and cute yet obvious way of letting them know you want to hold hands during the winter months aha. It really depends on the person, like I'm sure to some I seem super conservative or prude about it LOL.
It's safe to say I have. I'm not saying other people don't, just that *I* don't - because I don't get it. That was my question: How do people go about thinking it's a "right" ?
I don’t understand your question, because it’s not a question of personal beliefs, it’s a legal thing. You by law have the right to body autonomy and not having your space/body invaded by others. That is why if someone does assault you (sexually or otherwise) it is considered a prosecutable crime.
