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Poll: Accept, realise or change?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Dreamsexul, Dec 15, 2019.

?

Did you accept, realise or change as you got older?

  1. It took time to accept

    30 vote(s)
    42.3%
  2. It took time to realise

    33 vote(s)
    46.5%
  3. What I was changed over time

    5 vote(s)
    7.0%
  4. Other

    3 vote(s)
    4.2%
  1. Dreamsexul

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    For those who self-identify (whether closeted or not) as some gender/sexuality different to their youth; those who 'arrived' after, say, 28 ... Do you feel that this was a 'late' acceptance, a 'late' realisation, a 'late' change or something else?

    In other words, did it take time to come to terms with what you always were, or was what you were change, or did it take time to realise and identify what you always were?
     
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  2. baristajedi

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    It took time for me to accept. express, embrace and live truthfully in terms of my gender and sexuality. And now I’m still working on coming to terms with the lateness of coming to terms with these things.
     
  3. nbd

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    I think when I was younger I might have been somewhat bisexual, but it wasn't something I actively thought about and tried to repress. I think my sexuality is perhaps more fluid than others. As I surrounded myself with LGBT people and media I started to breathe more life into that part of myself. That's why I see it as a realization. Took me a few years after that to accept it as a part of me.
     
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  4. FooFight54

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    It took a lot of time to accept that I could be gay. Impossible with growing up, there was no way I could be gay. I would not be accepted by my parents, friends, family, wife, and ME.

    Now, I wake up feeling loved and gay.
     
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  5. Markieg64

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    I had fantasies about having sex with guys when I was young but thought it was just part of growing up
    So put it to the back of my mind . Over the years I would have those fantasies over the years until my late 4th were it all came to a head
     
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  6. Regaen

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    In my case, I didn't even know my sexuality and gender was a thing until a couple of years ago. I always said I was bi. It was the closest thing I knew... I just knew that I saw men and women the same, just people, not specifically seeing gender first. I thought maybe I was just very picky. It took a couple of relationships for me to realize I was actually not bi, but something entirely different. I embraced myself as an asexual first, before embracing being an androgyne. That I understood just earlier this year. I found out that my feelings had an actual name and just felt so validated in that moment...
     
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  7. BiGemini87

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    It took me time to both realize and accept it. I'd been questioning my sexuality for a long time, but every time I did, I'd convince myself I wasn't anything other than straight or I'd tell myself the signs were all in my head.

    Then when I did start realizing it--really realizing it, no more denial though I still had doubts--it still took a little more time to actually accept it and then embrace it.
     
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  8. Shadow N

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    For me it took time to realize, I always have fantasies and thoughts about women and never guys, but would welcome looks and touch from men and women (caressing type), but later on and thanks to bicuriosity I realized that I can like men sexually as well if the opportunity presents itself (no extreme attraction towards men only maybe occasionally the view of pretty eyes). It is still an ongoing process for me.
     
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  9. AutismCay

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    I used to be Bisexual then I was Gay and now I think I am bisexual again. I have trouble with it?
     
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  10. Shadow N

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    Just take your time and explore your feelings and the answer will be clear. It is known that sexuality can change its orientation over time as well as questions that might raise at an experiential level (example: how it feels to be with another man or with a woman or a transwoman). By answering those questions (maybe by experience itself if you feel prepared for that) , you could learn a lot about yourself (I barely have my first experience with another man 3 weeks ago and it made my brain process a lot of information and sensations at the same time, it was more overwhelming than learning something new academically but not painful at all or traumatic). If you are ready trust yourself including your mind and body and you will get your answers (even if sexuality works at a primitive and base level don't underestimate it's ability to reveal itself to you and teach you new things about yourself that will help you not only towards sexual orientation issues in your life but other areas of your life not related to sexuality).
     
    #10 Shadow N, Dec 17, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2019
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  11. Shadow N

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    Also remember that sexuality is fluid, when we are conceived male and female genes play their part in our embrionic formation so don't be surprised if we have elements of both genders in our DNA cocktail in which one gender expresses itself more than the other but the other gender characteristics are still there in a recesive way and sometimes could come out over time.
     
    #11 Shadow N, Dec 17, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2019
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  12. AutismCay

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    Hey, I know enough to handle it.
     
  13. Ninny

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    For me it was a realization. Growing up I just was not even exposed to the idea that things can be done totally different to the designated way that I stubbornly struggled through. Naturally there was also some degree of the missing acceptance, and even changes and evolution of viewpoint. More change is still to come, I believe, now that I'm on a truer course.
     
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  14. Scenery

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    I'm a lesbian but I "partially came out" at about 17/18 as bi-curious/"heteroflexible" and then later about 20 as "bisexual" but at some reason unbeknownst to me, I shoved myself back in the closet and 23 and didn't come out all the way as my 100% gay self this year at 31. It definitely took a long time for me to accept myself.
     
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  15. jenniferf

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    I was 19 when I realized I was bigender.I wasn't ready to come out back then about it.Crossdressed a long time being one of the girls.Finally last year,it was time to come out and realized I am bigender wanting to stay as Jennifer.Now I have a better life and glad I did come out
     
  16. Unsure77

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    It was kind of both realize and accept for me. I grew up in an ultra-conservative fundamentalist Christian church that essentially taught me as a kid that being gay was the most despicable thing you could possibly be short of, like, a murderer or something. So, when I noticed that I was a little too interested in women, I denied it and suppressed it. Then (as a teen) the same church was super into “purity culture” where you were supposed remain pure until a wedding night (and this involved avoiding anything that could lead to sex or sexual feelings with the opposite gender). So, for a really long time, I just thought when I had zero sexual attraction to boys, I was just doing a good job. In college I moved from that to thinking I was asexual. (When you’re in college surrounded by single, gorgeous guys and still feel nothing, seems like a pretty good sign you’re not into guys). I never did the math that (into girls, not into guys) maybe 1+1=gay. Took having my faith in evangelical churches broken, I think, to let myself consider it.
     
    #16 Unsure77, Dec 30, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2019
  17. NoName87

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    Well I definitely have realized I am not straight, this was around 12 13 years old. Unfortunately I took some wrong turns (some conscious some not) to understand I need to change, which is the stage I am at now (31). I hope acceptance will come, but for me I need to change before I can accept myself.

    If I were to nail down a specific descriptor of my sexual identity it would be I “realized” I was queer around puberty.
     
  18. Dreamsexul

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    The results are actually very interesting. A solid split between realise and accept.
     
  19. NoName87

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    My I ask what you expected?
     
  20. Dreamsexul

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    I think I expected a couple more 'changed' , and I thought rather than being a split between realise and accept it'd be far more who took longer to accept what they basically knew from an early age (or at least before 30)
     
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