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My parents make me feel depressed

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Cashew, Dec 13, 2019.

  1. Cashew

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    Does anyone else have this issue with feeling depressed around their parents? Anytime I'm near them I just immediately feel down in the dumps straight away. It's quite sad as they are generally quite nice people. I have been in a situation where I have had to move back in with them for a while. They just went away on holiday for a few weeks and I was really enjoying the free space but now they are back again and I feel like I cannot be anywhere near them. I am fortunately going to be moving out in one months time but I'm wondering how I will get through Christmas at this rate.

    I think it's maybe because deep down they still refuse to understand my gayness. Although they accept me on a surface level they don't try to understand me and although I've asked them to stop using the word 'camp' or 'flamboyant' or 'colourful' in derogatory ways to describe gay men they still do it and they don't seem to get how offensive it is to me. They never understood how hard it was for me to come out and how their attitudes made it so hard for me to come out and accept myself and they don't have the first clue about how hard it is to be gay. They are quite old school and traditional and I wish I could accept this and move on but somehow when I'm around them i just feel like shit and kind of angry too. I really wish I was the kind of person who could be friends with my parents.

    My sister is married with a child and is the picture perfect daughter. I am essentially the black sheep of the family and I hold a bit of resentment around this because I feel like my sister had it a lot easier than me. She was always favoured by my parents because she is more similar to them and she never had to deal with a lot of the emotional problems that I have had to get through which have really held me back.
    I never talk to my parents about how I feel. I know they have supported me in other ways and I don't want to seem ungrateful to them for this.

    I know I'm just having a big moan here, but just wondering does anyone else have the same experience/feelings around their parents?
     
    #1 Cashew, Dec 13, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2019
  2. Regaen

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    My mother is extremely accepting of my being asexual, but my father just dismissed the whole thing. He doesn't even think my asexuality is a thing, he thinks I just need to find the "right one". Which annoys the hell out of me, it's like I'm instantly pissed off the moment he's in the room.

    My brother is the same. He lived with Mom and I for a bit, I never even bothered to tell him. He's the exact same as dad,and I just didn't want to deal with it. He took my being introverted badly for goodness sake. Kept trying to get me to go out, go to a club or bar, find friends... I treated myself to a movie at home with pizza and ice cream when he finally moved out.

    As far as the depression goes for you, I don't know if my method would work. I'm a bit of an odd duck as far as emotions are concerned... But I began to feel better when I just stopped caring what they thought. I get annoyed still because they just won't shut up, but I'm no longer depressed. I can and would cut them out of my life at any time, I don't need nor particularly want them around because while they might be good people in general, they're toxic to me. In my case, just learning not to care what other people thought of me, to let things slide off, it helped. I don't get depressed because they don't matter, if that makes any sense. If they call me or my sexuality names, doesn't matter, because they don't matter. It's like listening to dogs yipping.
     
  3. Dreamsexul

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    I'm really sorry they don't understand or validate you. I'm afraid asexuality is still a very misunderstood and 'outside' sexuality. I wish it wasn't so.

    It's good that you realise that not caring about what they think is a good thing.

    The good news is that I think they'll change in time. It's just a slow and annoying process, I'm afriad :frowning2:

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  4. AutismCay

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    Your parent's suck. Mine beat me but at least they know that I am gay and accept it.


    Sorry for being too blunt but basically that is my opinion of homophobic parents. You are supposed to love your damn kids even if they are child molesters. Being Gay is incredibly small!
     
    #4 AutismCay, Dec 17, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2019
  5. 0to21

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    Yep.
     
  6. AutismCay

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    God poor you. Hopefully, it got better?
     
  7. 0to21

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    Nope. But I was just showing OP isn't alone on this.
     
  8. brainwashed

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    Yup old fuddy duddies. I noticed you didn't mention religion. Religious old fuddy duddies are the worst because they have god on their side in condemning a person.

    You already know this. Get distance away from them.

    Black sheep(s) rock. Be strong.

    Although my circumstances are different from yours, I simply could not process I was gay until after my mom died. So you are ahead of me in that regards.
     
    #8 brainwashed, Dec 19, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2019
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