Hi I am new to all of this

Hi everyone, I just had an experience that left me confused after trying to answer my bicuriosity and now I am struggling with feelings that I never had before, I hope to answer my question and those feelings.

 

Thank you

 

Thank you for your words

 

3 weeks ago I decided to answer once and for all my bicuriosity that was burning me for a long while (it would be something in the back of my mind that would make me uneasy "how it would feel to be with another man?" ) I would get nervous if someone make a gay insinuation towards me (gay jokes and play among guys and physical touch like holding my hand by another guy in a caressing manner). I would get paralyzed (specially if my hand was caressed). I come from a rigid Catholic background and school where sexuality was taboo and I'll looked, so I never had a chance to explore or have a girlfriend or boyfriend during my teenage years. I always noticed that any physical contact that is sensual in nature either from a man or a woman would paralyze me and I would enjoy it (maybe for my physical starvation that I had during my teenage years and my lack of experience with sexuality so I would welcome any type of sensuous contact either if it comes from a man or a woman). So back on track to my experience I decided to go to a sex theater and answer my bicuriosity (I would have gone to a gay bar but I don't know how they work and would like to try something with more privacy and not so much exposure). So once in the theater I spoke to the owner and I nervously and hesitantly exposed my situation to him (we were speaking regarding kinks that people might have and how people choose to meet them, which encourage me to speak of my bicuriosity). The sex theater owner encourage me to go upstairs and stay a while and to don't be in a rush and that someone would approach me. Which I did a little bit scared not knowing what to expect, so during the night a 26 year old man (with whom I exchanged a few words with during the night) approaches the room in which I was sitting with his organ exposed (I didn't got aroused at that point), but I stared at him and his organ in shock (I have never seen another man walking like that in a semi public place) and he ask me are you gay? And I told him no but would like to know how it feels to be with another man. To what he responded here is my organ, when he sit beside me I start feeling my heart getting accelerated and a need to go down and perform oral sex on him (which I did following the advice on how it is done from you tube videos "I had never practiced and did everything by instinct). It is curious but it felt like I was submitted by an unknown force to perform the act and it felt pleasurable to my surprise (I always thought that it would be painful like getting a sharp nail in your mouth). After the act my mind felt like it learned a lot from the experience (it's curious but it felt like it was processing a lot of information at once which sensation lasted for a week and a half). During those days I felt aroused and desperate to repeat the experience (which I didn't so far to avoid the body going in a downspiral of pleasure seeking, also I was not intended on creating an addiction but get used to the idea that maybe once in a while yes sure do it but don't let it be an urge). I learned a lot including that I could give and receive pleasure, also it demystifyed the view that always you should be angry and tough around other men and sometimes you could allow yourself to be playful (according to the scenario and type of people) and have a good time and that deep around that tough screen there is a gentle and Humane side in men as well (this might sound crazy but I learned that intimately while I was performing the oral act on the man and was receiving his response during the act as well as how his organ felt and the message that I was getting during the act). I am amazed and impressed by my body reaction towards the event (sometimes it feels scary since during my lifetime I had never explored this animalistic side of myself, but that it is necessary at the same time, I also felt that I learned a lot more than reading a book).

 

Thank you for your words, even though my mind is going through all this rollercoaster of feelings, sensations and emotions (never thought that a single experience of this kind would touch me so deeply) in my opinion the experience was worth it and it was meant to be in order for my mind and perceptions to expand and grow (I guess I needed it to break my so uptight and academic view of life and deal with something that is a direct hit to the senses and that had an impact in my world view "a huge one for me" Even though the experience left this after taste and a desire for more (not a one time deal and done like I thought it would be before experimenting). Ironically it felt like the best Christmas present that I received (regardless of all the useless material things that I received).