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Three years ... and getting married

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Confused54, Dec 3, 2019.

  1. Confused54

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    My former wife and I filed for divorce three years ago, a few months after I came out to her, my family, and my friends. It was a traumatic time for me after nearly 35 years of marriage. I never imagined that I would enter into a loving, monogamous relationship with a man, let alone decide to formalize that relationship by getting married.

    BF and I met about 6 months after I came out and while it wasn't quite love at first sight it came close as we agreed a couple of months later that we had become boyfriends. That was at the end of May 2017 and he moved in that September. I pulled a leg muscle on a hike with him which caused me a lot of physical pain and then morphed into even more painful arthritis in my hip. BF cared for me, carried my backpack, and kept me going through hip surgery and recovery in early 2018. Our love for each other continued to grow.

    In August of this year we decided to get married and nailed down a date (July 2020) last month. It's going to be a small ceremony, in formal kilts, for family and friends at one of our favorite mountain places. We're only waiting until July so the snow will have melted enough for the road to the site to be open.

    For those going through the tumult of coming out, questioning whether you're doing the right thing, having trouble imaging a new life on the other side ... it DOES get better for most of us. I'm now the happiest and healthiest I've been in five years, which was before I started the coming out process. I hope your journey is equally satisfying in the end.
     
  2. quebec

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    Confused54.....So happy for you!! :old_smile: It does get better and we need to share that with our LGBTQ Family members who are still struggling. At first it can seem so impossible, but we can be happy!! ***HUGS*** ***HUGS*** ***HUGS*** ***HUGS***
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  3. JToivonen

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    Thanks for the encouragement, @Confused54 , I really need it since I'm going through separation/coming out simultaneously. Wow, it is VERY frightening, giving up the security of a marrieage and the straight privileges to dive into the unknown...but story like yours are reassuring and makes me believe I took the right decision and the right path. So thanks for sharing!

    Btw, are you friends with your former wife? Did you have any kids? If so, do they accept you and your new life?

    Hope you don't mind those questions, hehe.
     
  4. Jacqui H

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    Great to hear that your life has turned around.

    I hope your wedding is fantastic.

    Jacqui
     
  5. Contented

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    Confused54 first and foremost congrats on your upcoming marriage. You truly are a testament to the fact there is indeed light at the end of tunnel for those coming to grips with their true gay sexuality. Not only light but happiness. Hope it is a fantastic affair.
     
    #5 Contented, Dec 4, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2019
    JToivonen likes this.
  6. Confused54

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    Yes, I'm still friends with my former wife. In fact, I continue to share a home with her and my fiancé and she is still my business partner. She's a remarkable (and very unemotional) person. The three of us share meals, household chores, and the garden that feeds us and provides joyful views from our kitchen window.

    We have two grown sons, both married and off on their own. They and their wives have accepted their dad's new reality, including my BF. We all were together for Thanksgiving, including our two grandchildren (ages 3 yrs and 5 weeks). My former spouse's family continues to be my family. I'm an only kid, my parents are long gone (I'm 65), and none of my numerous cousins live nearby. BF and I were welcome guests at my nephew's wedding last summer. My ex-wife's mother, now 96 and dealing with dementia, was very much OK with my new reality when I came out to her over two years ago when she was still more mentally with it. She still recognizes and welcomes me and BF when we visit her.

    On the other hand, my BF and his ex-wife are only marginally friendly and she doesn't yet know we're getting married. She lives in town, but they had a messy (and expensive) divorce and she's dealing with depression and other mental health issues. His sisters, mother, and step-dad have welcomed me to their family gatherings. His mom and step-dad are much more conservative, and religious, than we are and haven't offered "congratulations" on our upcoming wedding but they know about it. His dad and stepmom are downright homophobic and I've never met him because I'm not welcome on his property, which is only a few miles from our home. BF has chosen not to make further attempts to reconcile with his dad at this point.

    So we have two families coming together. One is completely open and accepting and the other is less so.
     
  7. ready2bout

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    Your story is very inspiring. I can't wait to be able to live my life as you have and I am definitely looking forward to meeting a great guy and marrying him.
     
  8. broadersky

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    This is such a great story and thank you for sharing and inspiring others!
     
  9. OnTheHighway

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    Congrats on the wedding plans to the guy you met only six months after coming out. In the thread you specify that it was not love at first site. So I am curious, is your need to reflect on that maybe an internal alarm bell going off raising a hidden concern about the plans? And if you don’t mind me asking, is marrying a guy you met six months after coming out giving you the right perspective to know what type of guy is actually right for you?
     
  10. cjmiller

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    Thanks letting us know it gets better. I am terrified telling my wife I'm gay.