For my whole life I have always considered myself to be straight, I’m 18. About a year ago I started to question myself. It all started because I was aroused by the erect penis. That is the only thing I find arousing on a man. Looking at muscles do nothing for me and I’ve been trying to look at guy butts in public a lot but they don’t do anything for me. The thought of kissing a man is repulsive and un arousing. I know for certain I’m not romantically attracted to men. Muscles and butts don’t do it for me. I even try to fantasize about a guy giving me a bj but it does not arouse me, thinking of a guy face just turns me off. Thinking of having anal sex with me in either position is also not arousing. I do know for certain that I’m sexually and romantically attracted to girls. I also think I have major ocd going on because I test myself on these things all friggin day. It’s honestly driving me insane and I can’t take it anymore. I just want to enjoy my life and move on from this shit. I’m not as happy as I used to be because all I do is think about this. Honestly, I don’t think I am bisexual because the idea of having sex with a gay is not arousing. You may think I’m lying but it’s true and the fact that an erect penis turns me on is giving me major confusion. Before porn, the penis did nothing for me and all I thought about was girls. So it may be porn induced but who knows I feel like I’m just bull shitting myself and lying. I’m going to try and do no fap for 90 days to let my brain reset to how it was before porn. Aroused by girls and not erect penis. I honestly need your guys’ opinion on this because I can’t figure it out myself. I think it may be just a porn induced fetish but I also could be bisexual. Please help me I want to be happy again.
Hi, It doesn't sound like there's much pointing to your being attracted to/aroused by guys. You don't need to give up masturbation, just give up porn. Spend some time in your masturbation sessions trying out different fantasies (guys, girls) and see what arouses you. It sounds like your arousal is centered around women, so if that's the case, it sounds pretty clearly like you're straight. But if you do find yourself obsessing and not believing the tests you do, then that would be indicative of some anxiety toward the OCD spectrum, and you may want to get help with that.
Did you ask yourself what you would want to do if you had a live erect penis in front of you. You just like to watch or do you feel the urge to do something with it? Maybe that could help you find an answer to your question?
Again, quoting from my post above, OCD can impact how our brain reasons. Thus, we can have irrational thoughts that lead us in a particular direction but don't make any logical sense. If you get help with the OCD, then you'll be able to understand and solve the problem.
How about trying the 'lick test'. It's a bit daft, but I honestly think there's something to it. Ignore porn, but watch normal media, look at people in RL, and use your imagination. Is there anyone you feel inclined to 'lick' in a sensual or intimate way? What's the gender division between those who you'd love to give sexy 'lick' - 50/50? 80/20? 100? I'm very gynephilic, I love feminity. But I realised it was gynephilia rather than heterosexuality as I became more and more aware that I really wanted, and fantasised, about 'licking', kissing, and having sex with examples of the feminine male form as well as women.
Haha, according to such a lick-test i would be 100 heterosexual, since i never experienced any attraction to a man in the normal life. And only looking at women. But i had hundreds of experiences with men in sex places like bathrooms because i am horny thinking about playing with cocks. So i see myself as bisexual.
