I’ve posted on here on and off over the last few months. I’d been chatting to a couple of guys online, one who I messed up with through my lack of confidence. There was another guy I got chatting to who I liked. To be honest, I only expected us to hook up. This was made difficult as I’ve got extremely controlling parents, therefore I’m not ‘out’. I did manage to meet him about a month ago, and we got on fairly well. He told me he was looking for a FwB type thing and complemented me a great deal. I met him for another drink and he asked for my number. We’ve chatted pretty much non stop since, and although I didn’t see it leading to anything at first, he started telling me how he wanted to get to know me on another level, how he wanted to spend all his time with me. He said he understood my situation. I distanced myself from this at first, but he kept messaging me to the point where I had opened up about everything to him, and he’d even opened up to me about stuff. He’s continually asked me to come over, and I made it clear I was now hesitant to do so if it was going to be a one off thing. He promised me it wouldn’t be, though I remained doubtful. Anyway, I did finally hookup with him on Sunday and being truthful it felt amazing. But straight away I could tell something had changed and he hasn’t messaged me since. I’ve messaged him and he’s responded with brief replies. I won’t bother anymore. Now, I didn’t expect anything from this but I’m not going to lie, he did a very good job of convincing me he really liked me and a wanted a regular FwB sort of thing. He even said how he’d like to date me. Again, I didn’t want anything to come of it at first. But I just feel totally used, and wish he’d been up front about wanting a one off thing, as I’d have been fine with that. I’d have probably seen him again quicker. Instead, after a month of messaging every day, I now feel hurt. I think what upsets me, isn’t that I won’t speak to him again. It’s that he made me believe it’s possible someone would want more than a hookup. But it’s just left me feeling less trustworthy of guys than ever. I’ve never had any friends, so it’s double hurtful in a way. I just think it’s sh*t being gay. I really can’t see why I would ever come out to my parents when guys do this. If I was confident I could find someone who wanted a long term friendship or relationship, maybe I’d feel more confident about telling them.
DAve3030.....I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Getting close to someone allows them to be in a position to hurt us far more than any stranger can. However, if we never get close to anyone due to fear of being hurt, we will live a very lonely and unfulfilled life. Please don't assume that everyone is like this guy. Also think about the possibility that he wasn't as ready to have a relationship with someone as he thought he was. He may have pulled back due to fear of opening up to someone. Whatever the reason this happened, please don't let it sour you from getting out there and finding a guy who is looking for someone just like YOU! Please remember that you are part of our LGBTQ Family...we do care about you...so keep us updated on how this all works out! .....David
I'm really sorry you had this experience of being used @Dave3030. That's not pleasant I don't think it's connected to being gay, though - I thnk its just part of being human. It happens to people of all sexualities, as far as my experience goes. Your decision to come out or not shouldn't really be connected to whether or not you can find a certain kind of relationship. They are different things. And I hope that one day things are good enough for you to be able to come out and be who you truly are with those near and dear to you. I hope that goes well for you. I have no advice to offer you, but just offer you my sympathies, and my encouragement that life will probably get better for you. All the best!
Many Guys lie to get in your pants. Once they get want you are cancelled. If they dont get whay they want you are cancelled. Clues and signs: "He’s continually asked me to come over". - never asking you out but always over = lets just screw. He told me he was looking for a FwB type thing and complemented me a great deal.- he told you upfront who he was. he started telling me how he wanted to get to know me on another level, how he wanted to spend all his time with me. - when he sensed you probably would catch feelings he had to lie more to get you. best advice is listen to your initial gut and no that the majority of app "dating" end up going nowhere. When he was talking to you he was also doing the same thing with at least 2or threw other guys to see who he could score with.
Thanks for all the responses. I just feel like I’ve been an idiot for believing he wanted something more. I guess I should be honoured that he led me along for a whole month.
Yes, you're right, Sister. As long as you practice safe sex, just move on. Things will get better, and you'll eventually find the right guy. BUT don't be so eager to fulfill his needs, tell him what you want and need from him. Think of yourself sister! The best advice I ever got.
