To hookup or not to hookup? That is the question???

r2de2baca · Dec 5, 2019

Nickw said: ↑

Sounds like it will be a nice gathering....

The point I keep trying to make every time these discussions of how difficult it is for gay folks to find compatible dates is that it takes work.

I know when I came out as bisexual I imagined I would suddenly walk into this scene where I would be instantly welcomed with open arms. I would find my "people". Well, it just doesn't work that way does it? And, it is unreasonable to expect it will.

So. I say it over and over. We have to attend EVERY event we can. Try hiking groups, attend every activity thrown by the LGBT center....etc.

The OP wants a relationship with a "regular guy". That's cool. We all have our attractions. But, I will say that my "regular guy" friends would be pretty put out if I didn't go to a party with them because I was not wanting to be around other gay men who I felt were too flamboyant or campy.

Ive been chastisted in this forum a couple times for making statements about the types of guys I find attractive, or, how "gay" sometimes feels like it requires a particular look or behavior. So, I get where the OP is coming from. But, what I feel MIGHT be different from the OP is that I have become more a part of the overall LGBT community as I learn to be more accepting of the rest of the community. It's a two way street.

One needs this community to find the perfect guy because the odds he will show up out of the blue is pretty low.

If I come across as a little pushy on this it is probably because I keep pushing my boyfriend to get out there. in his case he just uses the apps and hopes the right guy shows up for him to meet. That's a strategy. But, I've known him a year and that strategy doesn't really work.

I wrote this post before a lot of the more recent posts were written but still thought I would comment. @r2b2baca, I urge you to continue engaging THIS community. I get this sense that you MIGHT give up quickly when you don't hear or see what you want to hear or see. This isn't an accusation. This is just something to consider. When challenged here, it seems you resort to lashing out in ways I bet you really don't feel and then look at running away. When you think about the "dating" scene this same attitude will not suit you well.

I say stupid things sometimes and I get called on it here. But, I live my life being as non-judgmental as I can. Part of this is that I try and engage every person I meet. It doesn't matter what they look like or what their political views or social standing is. I do this, not for myself, but because it is the way I think we all should behave. What do I get out of this? I'm not super handsome or anything but I know I would never have a problem finding someone to date (of either sex). I would suggest that instead of trying to find acceptable people to interact with you try and interact with everyone. You might be surprised what avenues this opens up to you.
Click to expand...

Nickw said: ↑

Sounds like it will be a nice gathering....

The point I keep trying to make every time these discussions of how difficult it is for gay folks to find compatible dates is that it takes work.

I know when I came out as bisexual I imagined I would suddenly walk into this scene where I would be instantly welcomed with open arms. I would find my "people". Well, it just doesn't work that way does it? And, it is unreasonable to expect it will.

So. I say it over and over. We have to attend EVERY event we can. Try hiking groups, attend every activity thrown by the LGBT center....etc.

The OP wants a relationship with a "regular guy". That's cool. We all have our attractions. But, I will say that my "regular guy" friends would be pretty put out if I didn't go to a party with them because I was not wanting to be around other gay men who I felt were too flamboyant or campy.

Ive been chastisted in this forum a couple times for making statements about the types of guys I find attractive, or, how "gay" sometimes feels like it requires a particular look or behavior. So, I get where the OP is coming from. But, what I feel MIGHT be different from the OP is that I have become more a part of the overall LGBT community as I learn to be more accepting of the rest of the community. It's a two way street.

One needs this community to find the perfect guy because the odds he will show up out of the blue is pretty low.

If I come across as a little pushy on this it is probably because I keep pushing my boyfriend to get out there. in his case he just uses the apps and hopes the right guy shows up for him to meet. That's a strategy. But, I've known him a year and that strategy doesn't really work.

I wrote this post before a lot of the more recent posts were written but still thought I would comment. @r2b2baca, I urge you to continue engaging THIS community. I get this sense that you MIGHT give up quickly when you don't hear or see what you want to hear or see. This isn't an accusation. This is just something to consider. When challenged here, it seems you resort to lashing out in ways I bet you really don't feel and then look at running away. When you think about the "dating" scene this same attitude will not suit you well.

I say stupid things sometimes and I get called on it here. But, I live my life being as non-judgmental as I can. Part of this is that I try and engage every person I meet. It doesn't matter what they look like or what their political views or social standing is. I do this, not for myself, but because it is the way I think we all should behave. What do I get out of this? I'm not super handsome or anything but I know I would never have a problem finding someone to date (of either sex). I would suggest that instead of trying to find acceptable people to interact with you try and interact with everyone. You might be surprised what avenues this opens.

You are awesome! Thank you love.
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To hookup or not to hookup? That is the question???

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