My story (in progess)

Thanks everyone. It definitely is a big step on the journey and I'm thankful that it's gone well.

We haven't talked about it much since actually. I think her conscious choice when dealing with her adult children has been to back off from telling us (I have a sister) how to live and only occasionally giving a bit of advice, normally followed by "ok, I'll stop being a mom now." I think in this vein she is also choosing not to bring this back up much right now and leaving that up to me somewhat. But, I also have decided it might be good to give her a little space to absorb it. She said the right things and I think she means them, but it was obviously a really big surprise to her.

The most encouraging thing though is it does feel like nothing at all has really changed between us when we're interacting about other stuff. This was one of my biggest fears that it would so I'm very thankful for that.

I'm composing a letter to send to other close family. I've pretty much decided with them that the written word is going to be the best way to try and do it for me. The phone calls or in person conversations can happen later but I want to be sure to be able to express myself as best I can initially and I think this is the best way. If I tried in person I anticipate a couple of them at least might be compelled to interrupt and tell me everything that is wrong with this "decision" I am making.

I'll probably print them out and stick them in envelopes and mail them instead of email, once I actually stop procrastinating and finish writing them heh. I guess it feels slightly less casual that way?

Anyways, that's what's going on for now on that front. I'm also going to go on a MLK weekend trip to another area to scope it out with thoughts of maybe eventually at some point moving there.

 

So another update! Might get a bit wordy with this one. :lol:

I took a trip to the Austin/San Antonio area over MLK weekend. I've mentioned before how I'm just not sure if where I am right now is going to work for me long term, and most of the reasons people my age or older have for not wanting or being able to just up and move aren't applying to me at the moment, so actually the timing could be pretty good if I decide I want to do that. Not sure why I fixated on that area other than Austin has a bit of a reputation for being quite liberal for the South, and I don't actually want to move out of the South entirely, I just don't see myself in like SoCal or NYC at all.

I knew I had one friend in the area. This is actually a guy I "met" on a dating site a couple months ago. He's originally from my state (MS) and we went to the same college. We've been texting pretty regularly for a couple months, and I opened up pretty quickly with him and he's really helped me out with stuff, including encouraging me to come out to mom, and to think about moving (he was not a fan of trying to be gay in Mississippi either and it was a major reason he moved to Texas after college). But he also made it clear at some point that we were going to be friends and not more, and he did relate it back to my own inexperience. I had gotten my hopes up a bit but I adjusted when he told me that. With a little perspective now I can see how there might be some legitimately good reasons to keep it platonic with him based on our personalities and the relationship dynamic, although I still have a bit of an issue with the actual reason he gave (inexperience, and more specifically his assumption that I would naturally want to explore for a while without asking me if that is actually what I wanted) and told him as much.

But anyways, on to the trip. I drove over on Friday but this friend couldn't meet me until Monday due to another commitment. I did touristy stuff alone Saturday during the day and Sunday. The History of Texas Museum was cool, although also depressing when you let it sink in how awful people are to each other throughout history. So I met this guy on Monday for the first time in person, and we had lunch and just talked a bit, him offering some perspective as a gay guy who's been out for a while, and then he showed me around his area which is a town in between Austin and SA, and has some beautiful nature spots. It was a good meeting and he's a really good guy and he made it clear if I did move out that way that I'd have a friend in him, which is awesome.

But I skipped over Saturday and Monday evenings, which turned out to be probably be the most encouraging and cool thing. I wasn't intending this, but I ended up connecting with another guy on this same dating site from San Antonio 4 or 5 days prior to leaving. I wasn't planning to try to bother anyone because who wants to be randomly contacted by a guy living hundreds of miles away? But did end up browsing through profiles of the area just because, and naturally I clicked on a couple as I went. So this site shows people who has viewed their profile, and the next day I get an email saying this guy has added me as a favorite. When I realized which one it was it was kind of just a jolt of positive energy for me, I thought it was so cool.

So anyway, I took that as an opening to message him, explained that I was thinking of moving to the area which was why I was even viewing his profile in the first place. He said that was cool, that he just thought that he liked my personality from the profile and that we'd get along, and if I was ever in the area he'd show me around. I said "well, actually, this coming weekend..." and we ended up agreeing to meet Saturday.

So Saturday evening comes and I drive down to San Antonio to meet him for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Yes, this is my first gay date ever. I'm a little nervous at first naturally, but it was surprising how just... comfortable things were between us very quickly. We're actually both fairly introverted, but it didn't matter as the conversation flowed pretty easily. We found some things in common, including that we're both pretty big NBA fans (him Spurs obviously, me Grizzlies), but even more than that we just connected as people pretty quickly. We ended up just going for ice cream after supper and talking more and that was basically that. We both said we really enjoyed it and I think we could both tell the other meant it.

Monday afternoon, actually while I was with the first "just friends" guy (call him F), the guy from SA (we'll call him that) texts me like we'd been doing a little bit since then. F basically tells me right away I should try and see him again before I drive back the next day, so I decide he's right, so I ask SA if he'd like to hang out again that evening and he said yes. The 2nd time was actually fairly similar to the first, it was mostly conversation over dinner, then we drove around for a bit b/c we weren't sure what to do, then we stopped at a fast food place for some soft serve ice cream. The notable difference is I took an opportunity over supper to let him know how early in the coming out process it is for me, and basically hit on a number of the things that are present in previous posts from me in this thread. Given the previous experience with F I had been a bit hesitant about revealing this but I just felt comfortable with this guy so I went with it when there was an opportunity in the conversation for me to go there. He was a little surprised and a bit inquisitive but also just super understanding and supportive. Conversation turned to other things as we continued to get to know each other and I think we both just enjoyed interacting with each other like before.

The only thing actually physical between us was a hug at the end of the 2nd meeting. There was one at the end of the first but it was just a brief little thing, but this one was more than just a normal hug, and then there was a 2nd one a minute later. So good. It wasn't about sex but just, I don't know, appreciating each other as people.

So that was basically it. SA said if I do move to the area he would definitely hang out with me more and we left it at that. I drove back Tuesday and it's back to the grind at least for now. But it was a great trip. I'm still texting some with both of the guys I mentioned to stay somewhat connected and I expect that to continue. I do think I'm going to try to find a job in the area and move there. It just makes so much sense.

It also just really outlined for me why those steps I've started taking and the ones I still need to take are going to be worth it. I don't want to get ahead of things with this guy but even just taking it for that experience in and of itself, it was just great. It's something I hadn't experienced before, because I hadn't even allowed for the possibility ever before. There's no point dwelling on that, but that period is now over and I know I'm moving in the right direction.

Sorry this got so super duper long. Thanks for reading it through those of you that made it. I hope it can be encouraging to others because I myself am feeling pretty encouraged right now.

 

Time for an update? Yeah.

So I sent out letters to family a few weeks ago now. Overall reactions have been good. My Southern Baptist associate pastor uncle responded just by saying that he loved me and appreciated my honesty and hoped we could have a dialogue about things sometime. I responded that I loved him too and would be open to a dialogue (further interaction has not yet happened, I figured it was best for now to just let it be and give it time). My 19 year old cousin (his son) also responded that he didn't believe my claim that being gay could just be a part of who someone is, but that he still loved me and valued me as a cousin and friend. Other reactions were more positive. Still haven't heard from a couple people, but I'm not pressing things right now with anyone.

The other major update is that I took a trip to meet this same guy from the previous trip (SA) last weekend, Valentines day weekend. It seems the connection I felt on our first 2 meetings was also felt on his end. We had stayed in touch through texting since meeting and eventually mutually agreed to meet basically half way for us.

Oh man, what a great weekend. Incredible. Just spending time with him is great, there's just a natural chemistry and connection there. We've got a lot in common, both big things and small. I love just hanging out with him, and by all indications he feels the same. Of course, hanging out isn't all we did. We spent a decent amount of time in each other's arms. And the kissing... oh wow the kissing. I'm a reserved kind of guy so I won't go any more into specifics than that. I'll just reiterate what an amazing weekend it was.

We didn't want to leave, but obviously had to. I'm more determined than ever to try and find a job there now. I mean I know objectively just uprooting only for the sake of someone I've only spent 2 dates and a weekend with in person doesn't sound great, but I think it makes sense for me even without that and I was considering it even before I knew this guy. That said, I swear there's really something there with him. Something potentially great. I want to be able to see that through, damn it.

The whole weekend was also so affirming for the other steps I've (finally) been taking in this coming out process. I have not before now even allowed the possibility of finding something like that in life. I'm so glad I finally took some steps to change that.

 

I don't know if it's love. It seems pretty early for that. I do know that I really, really like him and he feels the same way. I could see it getting there, and I know I want to see where it exactly it could go.

 

So it's been a while. Thought I'd drop in and give an update, for anyone who remembers this thread at all or anyone who has the patience and interest to read it.

So after a few months of trying and a couple dead ends, I managed to find a job and moved to San Antonio about the beginning of August. It was a temp to hire position through an employment agency, with conversion to permanent employee coming after 3 months, or about a month ago. The job is going really well, I like it and have no real complaints. I am completely certain that, for me, a move like this was a very good decision. Not only was the job market in that smallish Mississippi town pretty tough, but there were just too many other limitations there.

I also found a local LGBT (and allies) centered tennis group, and have been enjoying that, both the tennis and getting to know some really cool people.

The move of course has allowed this relationship with the guy I had met here to develop, and it really has. Yeah, we're in love. :love: We're going strong and it's been really awesome and we both expect it to continue that way. We don't live together but live 5 minutes apart, and spend most evenings and larger chunks of weekends together. Being with him is both effortless and life-affirming. We've talked a little about the future and marriage (in a *some day* kind of way) but we're not in a hurry, content to just be in the moment with each other, and it's really good.

I'm very thankful that I managed to find what I needed to take the steps that I've taken that have opened up beautiful parts of life that I was not allowing for myself before. I'm happy with where I am and am hopeful and optimistic and looking forward to what's to come.

 

Was anyone clamoring for an update, 4 - 5 years later? No? Well here is one anyways.

I got married roughly 18 months ago (May 15th, 2018). It's the same guy I had mentioned meeting in this thread. We're madly in love, and continuing to build our lives together. My mom has gotten to know my husband and I think genuinely likes him, and I think has taken the position that if he's important to me then he's important to her too. She's still a devout Southern Baptist hasn't explicitly clarified her current position on homosexuality or same sex relationships, but still overall I'll take it.

Still living in San Antonio. Job is still going well. Still very active in the LGBT+ and allies tennis club. Overall things are going really well.

Sorry, maybe a boring update heh. I think yesterday my husband and I were talking about things we were thankful for, and my mind came back to this time in my life, and even this message board. One of the things I'm very thankful for was that I was able to take the steps I needed to even make this current life I have possible. They weren't easy, but they were necessary. I'm also thankful for the support I was able to receive on here during that time, it really helped.

So, thank you to Empty Closets! I hope other people in their own situations can receive the same kind of helpful support that I have, and can find the courage to take steps to better themselves and their lives, whatever that means for them.