Today was my first time to have sex in over 5 years. I got divorced in August and we had stopped having sex for many years. Most of it was due to my PTSD and it being painful. I actually had surgery to make it less painful but I never ever tried. I came out as Pan this October. I do admit I had a girlfriend before the divorce was over but it was long distance. We never saw it each other. I broke it off. There is this guy I have had a crush on for over 6 months. We finally told each other how we felt yesterday and have been texting every since. He came over today and wanted to hug. So we did that and more. I told him to go slow with me because it's been 5 years. He couldn't believe it had been that long for me because it had been 3 months for him. He kept hugging me and telling me how nice my body is and that really boosted my self esteem. I thought he would be turned off about my bruises and thick C-section scars. I have bruises from my lovenox injections and large knots. Thankfully he didn't care. Insertion hurt so very bad and I had to say stop and No. Thankfully he stopped. I really wanted to but it hurt. I did do it for a little bit even though it hurt because I wanted to please him. Which is exactly what I did with all men including my ex-husband. I haven't even been hugged, kissed, or laid down next to like it was with him today. He's incredibly hot but he doesn't think he is. The sex got me aroused but didn't get me there. I tried really hard but before he came over I told myself that it's more about the pleasure and feeling good than the end result. I was nervous the whole time and so was he. Overall it was a good experience and I want to continue with him. He did say I could fall in love with you. I don't know if he's serious but I have no intentions to be in love. If he says it again I'll say something. It was just so nice. He does have a wife but it doesn't bother me. He's making the choice just as much as I am. I really thought I would have sex with a woman for my first time after the divorce. I generally do not like men but it was different this time.
I had my first experience with a guy a few weeks ago; he gave me oral. It was awesome to be in his mouth and to feel his tongue licking me and I almost ejaculated, but I didn't know how tell him to just keep going (sucking the top of my penis), and he kept easing up just at the moment that I thought I would shoot. So, I ended up masturbating on him until I was able to finish, which was really nice, but not the same! He said loves to give oral, but at one point I was on top of him when we were kissing and I said "I want to be inside you" and he said "I want you inside me" which really turned me on! But, we're still getting to know each other and having a relationship is important to us too, and he said he wasn't ready yet so we stopped. We have another weekend coming up though, and he said this time he would be ready for anal, AND he wants me inside him (!!!) and I'm really excited and scared. I'm only 5'7", but I'm a larger guy and he was so pleased when he first saw my penis and has now called me "beautiful" and "incredible" and now he really wants to experience sex with me! OMG, I'm freaking out!!! I want all of this, and I'm loving it, but I don't want to do things wrong and make a fool of myself -- or go too fast for him and for it to be hurtful. He knows it's my first time and said he'd teach me, but he also likes dominant men! So, I have to be cool (dominant), but allow him to guide me. Jeez!
@Kmermaid00 It's great you had a good experience. It will, likely, get better and it sounds like you are communicating and that's what is really important. @RJH Sounds great for you too! Don't worry about the next step. Just communicate with him. I'm not an expert on anal sex. I've been with only four guys. What I learned is that it can be different with each of them. So, don't get wrapped up in worrying about doing it right. I've been with my boyfriend dozens of times over the last year and it is still different every time. We spend a lot of time in foreplay...couple hours. By the time it comes to intercourse there is no wrong way to do it...too much passion has built up!
RJH there is no roadmap to intimacy unfortunately. Each of us approach it differently depending on our likes and dislikes and that of our partner. Take your time, relax, enjoy the moments as they build to a climax. Anal is an incredibly sensual erotic sexual experience as long as both parties respect each other and take their time to make sure both are comfortable. It’s is literally and figuratively the most intense , sensual and romantic connection two men can make. You are both empowered and vulnerable all at the same time. For me it is so much more intense and pleasurable than anything I ever experienced with a woman. In all honesty it took me a little to get totally comfortable with anal but it was well worth it. Now it seems like the most natural thing on the planet. I love the overwhelming sense of pleasure I feel when my BF is inside me. It feels so right, so loving so real. For me it truly reinforces my connection to him.
Kmermaid after 5 years your vagina may shrink. Try using dial a tors to stretch you vaginA. You also may want to use extra lube to help ease insertion
So exciting, but yes so nerve-wracking! Advice from a fellow top who was very new to this just a few months ago: Start slow and when you think you have enough lubrication, add more. His body (and maybe he himself) will tell you how fast and hard to go. You won’t last long — don’t worry about that — and f you’re like me you’ll come more than you ever have in your life. Enjoy!
Could not agree more. Take your time, talk with each other. Sex should be a marathon not a sprint. The first time can be a little awkward and clumsy but that is perfectly fine. You will quickly find your way. That first same sex intimacy is incredibly intense, sensual and truly erotic. For me it was no comparison between being with a woman and with a man. Everything I thought I could never do with another guy vanished that night. That first time with my BF was best sex I had ever had. Luckily I am happy to report it continues unabated.
So, we had another rendezvous! It was really nice, but I kept lousing my erection when it came to anal sex. I don't undersand why; maybe some sort of subconscious thing with my strict Christain upbringing or something? He was super ready for me (he douched and applied lotion and cologn), and I wanted him so bad, but I couldn't make it happen! He bought a special lube that he likes and I fingered him and he enjoyed that (but he said to be sure and trim my nails really well!). So we ended up doing oral, which we both totally enjoyed, and he says he's completely cool with it and sure it will happen for me and not to force it. But I just don't get it! I wanted him so bad while he was making dinner for us, his ass wiggling in front of me as he was chopping the vegetables and my legs just writhing in anticipation, but then at the precipitous moment (entry) my dick says "no". I was in such agony! And so embarrassed. He says he likes me a lot and he understands, but I really, really wanted to "make him mine", so to speak. WTF is going on???
that happened to me the first time I tried it. I was laying down and the guy was on top of me, and it was like my erection just abandoned ship while I was inside him, so I let him do me instead. Then a little while later we tried again, doggy style, and I penetrated him, and it was amazing. I think my body just wasn't quite ready for that first position, even though he reassured me it was a good starting position. But doggy style worked much better for me, I was like an animal. I guess we just have to listen to our bodies!
I think what you are experiencing is normal. Anal is a huge step in the process of embracing your homosexuality. It is almost a right of passage for many of us. There are not only physical aspects to anal intercourse but emotional ones as well. It is a big step in acknowledging we are gay and sometimes our mind’s push back for awhile. Relax and enjoy the intimacy. As you become more and more comfortable with each other your issues with performance during anal will disappear. Once your comfortable you will find it an incredibly pleasurable expression of an ultimate connection with another man. As mentioned above you might try a different position as well. For me doggy style ( I hate that expression because it downgrades a loving act) is by far the more sensual and erotic. While I do enjoy other positions doggy style makes me feel so so gay and I love that feeling and charge I get from it.
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. He was very nice about it and we are going to see each other again. "Relax and enjoy the intimacy"; yes, that is what I will do!
I take doggy style as a compliment. Dogs are loving creatures that go with their instincts and express their excitement and affection unapologetically and without shame. We can learn a lot from our four legged friends!
I agree, I have no shame taking part in doggy style I just don’t like the name. It is the ultimate intimate connection between two men
My partner loves it this way and it’s definitely part of every session, but his face & eyes are so adorable that I need to look into them every time as well.
Enjoy your first time. Mine was an amazing experience and one I will never forget. There is nothing better that having hot sex with another man.
