Hello people; I’m new, I just discovered this site and h th ought I would get something off my chest I’ve been thinking about. I’ve been reading a bunch of fan fiction about different types of couples and attraction and also I’ve been noticing lately some people of mixed genders are cute. I have several LGBTQ friends so I’m not worried, just confused. How do you know if you are bi? Do you have to try interactions with both genders to decide? I don’t want to make any decisions or tell anyone until I am completely sure, because i don’t want to go back on my decision later and look stupid. I am a just girl in high school who is confused and in need of advice. I would appreciate any and all help, advice, comments, or just general contact? Thanks for even reading this far!
Hey welcome to EC, I am sure we can help you out. Nobody can tell you what your sexuality is but I am sure we can help you figure it out. The fact that you have gotten this far, I would say makes it unlikely that you have got it wrong. It is totally natural to want to be sure before you tell people but you wouldn't look stupid whatever happens.
After, I don't know, it seems like a thousand years of evidence, most people who feel they "may" be a certain way when it comes to gender/culture - probably are -- but that is by no means universal. So you are right to explore. So.. the first thing to think about here is where you are coming from when you approach the question. What I mean is, what are you feeling? Where does the confusion originate from? This is important because the answer is a guide to what you should do next. Or better, what your heart it telling you you should do. I want to be clear here, if you don't have an answer to that question, that's totally okay. It's entirely possible that choosing not to decide is the right choice! Don't feel that just because others know what direction is right for them that you need to decide also. Take all the time you need.
Thank you both for the help! To clarify for Monraffe, I started to notice some girls K think are cute as well as boys. I’m very into fan fiction, and I started reading some sorties with some more graphic scenes in them... and sometimes I imagine myself with both guys and girls. I am a little young for any action yet, but I don’t quite know who I am attracted to anymore. I don’t think I am going to come out as bi or anything, just know it in my heart and if the opportunity presents itself, or if I start to either date or... possibly get it on with someone of the same gender, I might tell my friends and family. But I don’t want to tell everyone right off the bat, because I’m still not 100% sure. Is that ok, or like keeping a secret? Should I talk to a friend or a parent? Do you think it will help sort out any confusion? Any comments or advice is welcomed! - Abby
Hey! Welcome to EC! From what it sounds like your first impulse to keep yours thoughts on the down low definitely sounds right to me- I was in a similar situation and told a few of my friends but regret it immensely, and not even because I changed my mind, just because you can’t really take back what you say and I wish that I would have kept it in the privacy of my own thoughts. As of now, no one has any expectation of what you’re holding at, regardless of what conclusion you end up coming to. I’d think of telling people in terms of how if you don’t tell anyone at any given moment, realize that you’ll always have the opportunity at any other time if you don’t but not vice versa. That being said, what Monroffe said is true and some people seem to feel very freed by being open about these things; I don’t know if that’s you. The one thing I have to offer besides for my subjective experience is that from the outside it definitely doesn’t strike me as wrong to keep how you’re feeling about your sexuality at any given moment a secret. Why should you have to tell anyone about something personal you want to work out for yourself first? If you want to talk to someone and sort things out, do it for your own sake. I’d think it’d be preferable to tell a very few to no people and to be very clear with them that you’re a work in progress and don’t want them to tell anyone or consider where you’re holding final, but just wanted to talk it out. That’s just me though, and I don’t know you or the people around you. I’d just be careful, as you might come to change your mind. Hope that helps! All the best, Leah
Hey Abby, whether or not you tell someone is entirely up to you. Some people like to talk to a friend or family member whilst they are still questioning and figuring things out. Other people like to figure things out and then come out. It is really how you feel about it. For me I told one friend when I was still kind of questioning and then as I became more sure I told a couple more people but there is no right or wrong way.
