Oddly Enjoying my Single life, but wondering if the desire for a future partner will return.

I have been single now for the last six months. I have a good group of friends that I am emotionally close to (just strong emotion social connections, no physical connections with said group of friends at this point). I have an active life with not much down time.

As I dyed because I thought that is what I was supposed to be doing as a single gay man when I would meet some guys for the first time and sense their desire to find “the one” to settle down with rather then being enthusiastic by their attention it actually turns me off. Even after six months of being single, I simply have not had any desire to look for or make another commitment with anyone.

As a result, I have stopped going on dates and have mostly kept my social life to my current group of friends. I travel quite a bit and enjoy meeting people on my travels, but that is more to get a sense of local communities or have a bit of socialization while on the road. Once I sense someone’s desire to try and get to know me “better”, even when traveling, it’s as if a switch goes off in my head and I pull away.

I recognize I have had more than a few false starts with prior commitments/relationships in the past and I am concerned about making another mistake. I also recognize I am enjoying my time simply having a relationship with myself feeling secure in my own skin. It seems to be two ends of a seesaw keeping me balanced.

But I have been pondering whether this is just a phase I am going through or whether I am just happier at this point in life being single. I will never say never and will always keep the door open to possibilities, so I guess time will tell.

 

For a period of time I would say that was true. But I feel my second and even third adolescence have subsided.

I am taking the holiday period away from all my friends (albeit connecting with some distant ones while I travel) as a time to reflect and think about what I really want.

You may be right, I am just not sure.

 

I have established a very solid group of guys that, even as plutonic friends, I have tremendous affection and emotional attachment to. At one point in time some of those relationships did include a physical element to them which have since been removed. They are there for me just as I am there for them. As I have looked back on the committed relationships I have been in, both straight and gay, they have always seemed to follow along similar dynamics established by the heteronormative script. I am just not sure such dynamics fit who I am as a person.

 

I totally get that, and that’s why I never say never and it’s the debate I am having with myself.

 

Over the past two weeks, with another week to go, I have been traveling on my own reflecting and thinking about life. One of the things I have concluded is that I will be open to having another relationship with someone, but I am not going to aggressively pursue it. Rather than focus on sexual chemistry as I have previously, I plan to be patient and find the guy that complements me in my entirety. If that person exists, great I will cherish him. If not, I will continue to enjoy the relationship I am currently having with myself.