HELP!! am I trans!!

Hi Taylor. From what you wrote it sounds very possible that you are ftm. Just curious, how long have you been feeling like this?

 

I commend you on your bravery. The path of knowing one's self is scary and one that very, very few people ever walk. LGBTQA+ people are not the only one's that struggle with knowing themselves - everyone does. We just happen to have a lot of programming in society we have to face that keeps telling us that we are wrong. This leads to a lot of fear of being wrong about ourselves because we are scared we will be judged or get into trouble with the one's we love or respect. That is totally normal and natural and valid.

No one, NO ONE, not even a doctor, parent, priest, teacher, friend, psychologist or psychiatrist can tell you who you are, what your gender is or what your sexual preference is. Only you know this and while it may take some time to figure it out it is still your truth and not for anyone else to decide for you.

This is not a phase. This was the first fear I had when I first realized I was trans and I thought I was alone. After writing on this forum and watching videos of trans females on Youtube, I learned that others felt exactly the same. This was a huge relief though it was just the start of the work that lay ahead.

Your feelings are totally valid. You are not broken and there is nothing wrong with you. You are fully within your right to explore this without doing any harm to yourself or anyone else. You are also fully within your right to change your mind or not change your mind as many times as you like.

I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents or how to approach that. I do not have any experience with that as I only started dealing with me being a trans female at 36.

I also don't know what type of guidance concealer you have at school and if it is a good idea to speak them them about this.

There are a lot of layers to the onion we call ourselves and, while a psychologist or psychiatrist cannot tell us who we are, there are some really, really well trained therapists who have dealt with lots and lots of trans men and women who could give you a safe place to talk to someone who will not judge you.

Be careful of speaking to therapists, psychologists or psychiatrists that do not have any experience working with people from the LGBTQA+ community. Experience here is really important.

It is very important that you know that you are not going to a therapist so they can fix you. You are not broken. It's about being able to speak to someone with experience that can give you a safe place to talk about the things you don't want to talk about with anyone else out of fear of being rejected.

Try find a LGBTQA+ clinic in your area and then tell your parents you would like to go and speak to someone. If you can't approach your parents then talk to a person in your family that you trust - an aunt or uncle or sister or granny or grandpa. If you don't have anyone you trust then phone the clinic and ask them how they recommend you get counseling.

Trust me - talking to a professional with experience is going to really, really, REALLY help.

I wish you light and love on your journey to your true self - be that girl or boy or non binary you are powerful, strong and braver than you think.

All the best my friend

xo
Jess

 

Seeing as you are already speaking to a therapist about anxiety I would think that speaking to them about this would be a good start. Your therapist is bound to patient doctor confidentiality so even if they don't have experience in the LGBTQA+ field, they will still be able to provide a safe space to share what is on your mind without judgment (or at least that is how it is supposed to work). Asking them how you would go about speaking to a clinic might be a good idea. Also telling them about the concerns you have with your father and step mother's view on LGBTQA+ and discussing how to bring this up with your parents might be a good idea.

Work with what you have and take it from there.

Peace and love
Jess

 

No problem kiddo!

You knew what you needed to do, you just needed a little encouragement and for someone to tell you that you are not crazy. I totally get that, it's why I come here too.

In a universe of infinite realities remember that you are never broken and that anything is possible.

You got this!

 

I remember when I was young I was in such a rush to do stuff. I am a very energetic, passionate person and I totally wear my heart on my sleeve. I am super soft and don't have an aggressive bone in my body.

I always tackled life head on. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now. This was my motto, and it worked for me for the most part.

In my late twenties, I had a business partner that told me a story about two bulls. I am going to change the story slightly, though the meaning will be the same.

Two anteaters where sitting on a rock,an old anteater and a young anteater.

The young anteater looked down and saw a huge number of ants walking in a line. Proud of his discovery he turned to the old anteater and shouted, "WOW!!! Look at all those ants - quick we should eat one!"

Before the young anteater was able to move the old anteater put her paw on the young anteater's shoulder and said, "Wait, be patient, if we move very slowly we can eat them all."

The moral of the story is that moving slowly and being calculated often gets better results than just jumping in. I can't tell you what to do for your life. I can't tell you what the right decision is.

All I know is that when we rush accidents tend to happen.

I know you are very excited about what you have discovered about your self and that you want the world to know. I fully understand. A lot of LGBTQA+ people on this site can relate.

What you will learn is that while this is going to be super exciting for you it is going to be terrifying for everyone else and that might result in an outcome that you never expected. Like your parents freaking out and treating you like a child instead of the mature, young-adult that you are.

I am not saying be scared of being honest with everyone or be scared of being true to who you are. I am just saying that maybe there is a smoother way to get the result that you want. Maybe with a little patience you can get all the ants.

Ever hear the saying, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it"? This is kind of like that.

Ultimately your goal is for your parents to receive this news and see you as someone that has enough maturity to know what you are talking about.

Placing them in a situation where you are going to give them some news they may not be ready for and may not want to hear, and on top of that having them receive this news with other people they are not close to (teachers, other parents and other students at your school) might make them feel like they have been backed into a corner.

Adults are weird. For some reason as we grow older we become very, very concerned about what other people think of us and we don't like to be caught off guard. It makes us scared and when we get scared we tend to act emotionally, which can be scary for those around us.

Now I am not saying don't come out or don't tell them and I am not saying don't do what ever it is you want to do. I am just saying think about the best way to do it that is the safest for you and your feelings.

Think about how safe you would be for this to happen in a very public place like a parent teacher conference where everyone is going to be surprised and anything that happens will be in front of everyone and no one will be there to protect your feelings. (option 1)

versus

Speaking to a counselor or therapist first that has your best interests at heart and asking them to join you for a session with your family where you come out in a safe, secure and private space. This way - however your father and step-mother react - you will have someone in your corner who is focused on your safety. (option 2)

The first option gets the job done with lots of risks to you and your feelings. The second option gets the job done where you are safe.

Now if you are seeing your therapist with your father or step-mother present then ask your therapist for some private one on one time so you can discuss this with them. I am sure they will oblige.

If you are not seeing a therapist then you need to speak to the social worker at school. Make sure when you speak to her/ him you tell them everything you are saying is private and confidential.

Whatever you decide to do, you need an adult who you trust, who has your best interests at heart, and who can help you get through this. Having an adult present when you do this will help your parents see you as a mature young-adult and not a child.

I commend you for dealing with some very grown up stuff here. You are very powerful, brave and amazing. Consider being patient and strategic and thinking about how you can do this with the best possible outcome for you.

Remember, the number 1 goal is for you to be totally safe and for you to respect your own privacy.

Once you and your family have worked through this you will feel a lot more comfortable telling people at school because you will have your family's support.

Of course it is totally possible they do not support you or even entertain the idea of you being trans. Unfortunately this is not something that you can control.

Coming out as trans is not something we do and once it is done everyone moves on with their lives happy go lucky.

What you are about to do and go through is probably one of the hardest things anyone could ever go through. It is absolutely not going to be easy at all.

Which is why it is a very good idea to have a therapist or social worker in your corner as you are going to need lots of support going forward.

Slow and steady wins the race young anteater.

Feel free to continue posting on this thread if you ever need to chat kiddo.

Good luck and stay safe
Jess

 

I really hope you are ok!

 

I'm really sorry for not replying sooner, I have been super busy lately and have a lot going on, so I haven't been on empty closets in a while. It seems like Jess has helped you out a lot. Something I would like to add is maybe try to gauge where your parents stand when it comes to the transgender community. For example, I know for a fact my dad (actually my whole family but especially my dad) hates the lgbtq+ community and specifically transgender people, so I don't plan on coming out till I move out (of course I'm in 10th grade not 5th so it's a lot easier for me than it would be for you). I'm not saying you should wait that long, but you would at least when you come out to them have an idea of how they will respond. Also I agree with Jess that you should try to tell your counselor, though I'm a bit of a hypocrite because I still haven't told my therapist. Your really brave for being open to this at your age. Good luck with all this, I know it's hard.