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Closet Gay At Work : Co-Workers playing match makers with a girl

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by JayR, Oct 25, 2019.

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  1. JayR

    JayR
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    I hope the title said enough. It all started with a joke how I called this girl pretty and people overheard. And they didn't let the whole thing pass. Next thing I know people on my department and that girl's department are setting us up. Trying to connive and push us together. I can't because I'm gay, and I've been under the radar pretending to be straight for a long time and now this is.. giving me so much anxiety. I don't wanna be bothered, and it's suffocating me. Have you been on the same situation? Help?
     
    #1 JayR, Oct 25, 2019
  2. angeluscrzy

    angeluscrzy
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    I've not been in that situation, but I would think an easy way out is just to let them know you have no interest in getting involved with anyone at the moment.
     
    #2 angeluscrzy, Oct 25, 2019
  3. cjmiller

    cjmiller
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    I would just say your not interested in dating anyone from work. You've heard to many horror stories.
     
    #3 cjmiller, Oct 25, 2019
  4. JayR

    JayR
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    Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately despite saying this to them, the teasing didn't stop. As these straight guys are supposedly my " workplace friends" kept on making fun about it. I have this fake friendship with them where I pretend to be straight and the teasing has been affecting me in a lot of aspects.

    Actually this thing sorta took another turn. I decided to avoid them for two weeks, to keep my sanity intact. I avoided having breakfast with them, avoided going home together with them and now I think I reap what I sow. They don't look at me in the eye anymore and not invite me to anything anymore and not talk to me. I feel at peace but isolated more than ever. A part of me wants them to figure out (why) and to realize how I'm different (gay) and that they stop it. But I'm still a little bit afraid it would make things worse.

    Sorry this has gotten long. But thank you for reading and everything.
     
    #4 JayR, Nov 18, 2019
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  5. musicteach

    musicteach
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    One thing you could do if your protests have fallen on deaf ears is to get management or HR involved. Most work places have anti-harressment policies in place. It could be something to look into.
     
    #5 musicteach, Nov 18, 2019
  6. JayR

    JayR
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    Thanks, I have definitely considered that. But that also means digging deep and showing them the truth which I'm still afraid would explode in my face. Also I'm afraid it would widen the gap I have with them. I'm also trying to think of a cleaner way to deal with this.
     
    #6 JayR, Nov 18, 2019
  7. musicteach

    musicteach
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    Well if you have a conversation with HR — depending on your work culture (you know that far better than me) — it can more than likely be handled a bit discreetly. They wouldn't know that you had complained, it should remain confidential.
     
    #7 musicteach, Nov 19, 2019
  8. BiGemini87

    BiGemini87
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    You honestly haven't done anything wrong. You avoided them because they were relentlessly teasing you about not wanting to be with that girl. They couldn't leave well enough alone, and then when you decided you weren't going to take any more of their B.S., they made themselves out to be wronged. Or maybe they put two and two together, and suspect that you're gay. It's hard to say, and in either case, it's a crappy situation. :frowning2:

    I'm not really sure what you can do about it at this point. But if they do confront you--or if they start shit with you--it might be a good opportunity to call them out for their nonsense; you're there to do your job, not date co-workers. If they find out/you tell them you're gay and they ostracize you, I'd take it to HR. If that isn't an option, it might be a good time to start passing out resumes elsewhere.
     
    #8 BiGemini87, Nov 19, 2019
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  9. JayR

    JayR
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    I think they figured me out. I could already imagine them talking about me behind my back like their little straight council figuring it out together. Honestly the new coldness/disstance could be a sign they're no longer comfortable around me because of who I am. I made an effort today to at least associate myself with them (hoping the friendship haven't completely went shit) but I'm feeling slightly ignored and the odd one out. I don't think I can turn things back around anymore. This guy who always gave me a ride home told me he's staying late tonight which was weird because he never does but I think I know why. This thing made me feel a little free, but now anxiety is present like.. I'm always anticipating the worse thing to happen. Also starting to look for new companies to apply to like you suggested. I guess it's just heartbreaking watching it all fall apart.

    Thank you ❤️
     
    #9 JayR, Nov 20, 2019
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  10. BiGemini87

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    @JayR If that's the case it really is unfortunate. Your sexuality is one part of who you are; that it should change their opinion of you is very sad.

    No problem. <3 I'm sorry you're going through this, and I really hope things get better all around.
     
    #10 BiGemini87, Nov 20, 2019
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