there is this girl who has started on at my job almost 6 months ago, (we're both 22) and I have a hard time telling if she could be into me, or or she's just an extroverted, very friendly/touchy feely straight girl who just gets along with me as a work buddy. I feel like its always so difficult to tell with others girls. she can be touchy and stands close with all of my coworkers (whether its a pat on the shoulder or little tap or touch), but I notice she tends to do it more with me (I guess because I make her feel comfortable??). I know theres never one, conclusive sign to be sure, but its a collection of them. for example, hugging me a few times whether it was to greet me, or before leaving. getting disappointed when I work within same shift as her and I end up leaving earlier, as she's wishes I could stay longer (idk if its because how helpful I am as an employee, or cause she wishes to spend time with me longer). one time she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek (how hispanics do) another time, putting her hand on my shoulder and leaving it there as she talks to me and stands close, resting her head on my shoulder for a second quite often, or a gentle, light rub on my back for support. a few times she mentioned how cold she is, and said to feel her, so she put my hand on her forehead or hand. or when she was getting stressed about something and her heart was beating fast, and she put my hand on her chest to feel it. one time I let her borrow my sweater ( I know, I'm such a gentlewoman lolol) and when I was about to leave, she returned it to me by putting it over my shoulder and saying "see, chivalry isn't dead" lol I thought that was very cute. one day there was this event going on outside our store that we work at in the mall, and she asked for me to come with her to see it, so as she was walking fast with me leading the way, she was holding my hand for those 2 minutes and repeatedly mentioned how soft they are. she can be super talkative with me and has no problem talking a lot about her personal life and family/friends, although nothing too much about her dating life. she's hasn't asked me much about mine. she's mentioned to having ex boyfriends, and talking about a blind date her friend set her up on, or commenting about a cute guy in front of me several times. recently, she told me about a friend with benefits thing she's been having with this guy, although she's happy without the labels and seems to not want anything romantic and serious with him, as she's mainly focusing on school and work. I got a little discouraged with that information, because maybe she's strictly straight and unavailable after all, talking about only guys. although, I know there are bi girls who have only dated guys. anyway, other occasions, she's said to me I'm her favorite, and to another coworker in front of me how "I'm her person". when a customer came in out store to ask for directions from me, they mentioned how beautiful i was, and my coworker agreed with them saying, "isnt she?" and shell repeatedly mention how she wants to close with me more and work a similar schedule to me. just recently I was doing a great job in my sales, and she smiled to me and said, "I'm so proud of you". I mean, I can definitely conclude she enjoys my company and feels comfortable at least somewhat. when I told her how I didn't go to pride this year, she told me she hasn't been in a while, but has lgbt friends that she would go with. Other times she's teased me saying how she hates me, then turns it around to say "you know I like you" to then "you know I adore you" she suggested that she would take me next year and I could meet her group of friends. the last sign I could say thats a possibility, is one night when I was closing with her and another coworker, I was playing "honey" by kehlani as I was cleaning. kehlani happens to be a bi artist, and that song specifically talks about how she likes her girls. my coworker overheard the song and asked what was the name cause its been a while since she's heard it, then she ended up playing it out loud from her phone and singing along to the lyrics as I was around. weeks later we talked a bit about our families/school and then led into LGBT stuff, saying how she has a bi cousin. one conversation naturally progressed to another and what not in regards to sexuality and relationships, and while i didnt confess my interest towards her specifically to not make things awkward, i asked her what she identifies as. or if she labels herself, and at first she was on the fence saying "i dont know" but then said "I guess I would say straight". that shes never been with a girl and she cant say shes not open and that anything can happen, but that shes only been with guys. that she can look at girls of course and acknowledge that theyre hot. but i guess in an admiring way. although, shes looked at guys in an admiring way too. she's admitted to kissing a girl a long time ago from a spin the bottle game, and how she was a good kisser.what do you all think? I feel like there are signs, but i could be mistaken by her personality. she does have this nurturing/giving personality. the most recent thing that made me overthink, yet be appreciative of her thoughtful gesture was how I told her about these limited edition vans that I really want but are all out of stock. a few days ago, she called the store in the mall we work at when they would have them in stock again. I discovered the other day I was off, she messages me to ask what size shoe I take, and that she was going to get the shoes for me before they run out again (they were $65!) so of course I thanked her and told her I would pay her. the next day at work she gives me the shoes and as I'm ready to give her the money, she like "you don't have to" and I insisted because I felt uncomfortable for her to pay that much for me. then she teased me again to say "ughh I hate you. let me do something nice for you" then she accepted the money. I couldn't help but to think why she would go out of her way like that and intend to gift me shoes that were kind of expensive. cause it wasn't my birthday or Christmas.
Hey starburst, I’m a femme lesbian,i know im not 100% expert of gay radar but base from what youve observed from her and all these kind gestures back at you ,I think your friend is bi or femme lesbian could be. I have straight girl friends too but they are no way being too touchy to me or like so caring or nurturing when we are just together alone. Obviously she’s so comfortable around you and wants your company than any other person in the planet and i say just try to do more dont hesitate, you already on that stage with her that she is really a kind of friend even if its not your birthday she just cares for you and make you feel special. Maybe she is a very open-minded of the situation that she doesn't care anything at all regardless of labels. By the way that sweater thing is too cute and theres no way a straight one would just say it like that and be touchy towards you. I could be wrong or what but go with your guts but obviously dont just jump right in , just see to it first if shes really into you or to girls if shes open to that. I dont see any reason why shes not into you though with those sweetness overload towards you can not never mean anything when she chooses her day always with you.
thank you for your reply and insight on the situation. I just like to get other people's views on this so I feel like I'm not just overthinking it. but yeah, it can get so frustrating because the way girls are brought up to socialize with other girls to be really affectionate with each other. the dynamic in interaction can be more difficult to decipher with the same gender than it is with the opposite gender. but I get it how it just boils down to a person-to-person, situational basis of the type of personality you're dealing with. I do get a strong feeling from her, I just hate to look foolish or be wrong about things. but I realize ill have to take action sooner or later. I'm just observing really closely and testing the waters because I'm afraid to get hurt or ruin our bond. I also need to find time to hang out with her more outside of work. she actually lives really close to me, but the only times we see each others is at work 2-3 times a week. other days we have school. the one time we hung out outside of work, was after I was ready to clock out and she happened to go on her hour break at the same time, and offered me to go with her to the Cheesecake Factory and payed for my drink and we shared an appetizer, I should add. I think that might be another sign. then the other day, I think I was being aloof when I was closing with her, because she told me she wanted to go to the movies but didn't know what she wanted to see, which I think looking back at it, was a hint to go with her and suggest a movie lol *face palm*
Aww i know i get you and understand it can be really deceiving when girls are brought up differently on how we socialize and may get a wrong signal like we always wish we get this chance to see it more vividly right away but we can’t really see it all at once . But u know what ,you can continue what you guys do all the time and from what i see she loves being with you , you left not just a good impression but also she trusts you more than anyone. Just build it more and more .lol me too i always misread signals all the time before its okay hahaha but next time make it up to her and ask her back if she wants to check some movies or try to ask her if you guys to check a restaurant by the area or coffee shop ,small things like that only you two get along will build more to each other and hopefully youll see it more clearly and by that time comes , you will use that as an opening to ask her and tell her how you feel and be honest to her. I hope youll get the peace of mind soon as you find out more from her starburst and i think you know in a positive note ,i think you dont have anything to worry about it,you are in the right track,just be with her make everyday special and be happy with her.
Well its not too late to bring the movies back up, or you could tell her that you like girls, that way if she is into you then it might give her the courage to make a move or at least reciprocate.
aww she’s so sweet with you! I love how you guys are. She could be into it but she might just be a really cool friend. I think I’m going to have to be the devil’s advocate on this one though. I am a femme queer woman and have had many of my straight friends act very touchy feely, cuddle me when we’re about to sleep, touch each other’s hair, holding hands while we’re out, they’ve kissed my neck/lips (jokingly), and idk how many times they would lick my face and neck when they were drunk; also, they’ve said they “adore me,” along with they “love me,” and that I’m “so beautiful.” She seems like a really thoughtful friend who really appreciates you. I have had mad crushes on a couple of my straight friends, and frankly, it happens, it’s confusing, and it’s sucks because you want to believe they have similar feelings for you but they just don’t. Obviously, I could be wrong, and maybe there’s a chance she’s deeply in the closet but from what you described to me, she seems pretty comfortable in her sexuality and is open to having gay friends. She might like a little attention from you. I mean, really, we all can only draw from our own perceptions so advice given to you is going to be tainted by the projections of the individual giving you advice. My heart goes out to you though ❤️ Hard place to be.
There is one thing that I wonder about though in your post. She mentions being a good kisser after she says she’s *mostly* straight. personally, I’d ask her if she wanted to kiss me. But I know I’m bold and not everyone is like that.
I'm given to wonder if your co-worker is maybe in the midst of figuring herself out, too. She says "straight", but there seems to be a bit of uncertainty there. As someone who came out late in life, I can relate with her answer. Chances are, she believes she's straight because she's only been with guys, but the truth of it is, you don't have to have had romantic/sexual experience to know your orientation. She might even be afraid to come right out and say it (if she likes you beyond friendship) because there's always the risk of being rejected. I imagine this is a bit scary for you, too, because you like her and with her being unclear verbally, it's easy to second guess yourself on broaching the subject. Difficult as it might be, try to be patient and see how things play out; she might just be one of those really tactile people that likes physical contact whatever her emotional attachments. If you get the chance, spend time with her outside of work and see if that has any impact on her behaviour around you.
Most definitely scary! especially because I don't want to be seen as a not straight girl trying to convert a "straight" identified girl, (not that I'm being creepy or pushing anything, really). I just notice that very tactile behavior that could be simply her personality and nothing more (which she has been touchy with other people, she just does it more noticeably with me) and I don't know, I do sense some openness in her identity. That even though shes never felt things for girls throughout her life, her answer was along that lines of "you never know what could happen" type of thing, and the fact she has so many LGBT friends, and has a rainbow emoji on her one of her social media profile bios?? . she did talk about this guy she spent time with during her PTO, that she refers to as more of her "side thing". other than that, shes not talking much about seeking guys. so definitely a little confusing. on top of her continuously leaning her head on my shoulder at work when shes tired or I guess for comfort, and here I am enjoying every moment of it while not appearing obvious. shes brushed her hands against mine or when shes gotten scared, has squeezed my arm tight. we had an early work meeting before our morning shift, and when she sat next to me, the whole time she had her arm brushed up and leaned up against mine. then when the meeting ended and I went back with her to her car to go back to our store for our shift, she was talking about how cold it was both inside the meeting and outside, and said she was leaned up into me because I'm always so warm. we later went to Starbucks and I was going to pay for my stuff separately, but she insisted on paying for my little breakfast and even asked if I wanted something to drink. then when she got her breakfast and her drink, and i told her that her drink looks good and ill try that next time, then she let me take a sip out of her straw (which I found interesting considering I remember her telling me a while back she doesn't like sharing same drinks). but yeah, little things like that that are so cute to me and is making me crush on her just a taaaaad bit more lol. I should've made a direct invitation when she was telling how shes hasn't been to a drive in theater and the last time she went was with her best friend and other friend. I told her how Ive never been to a drive in theater. that should have been my cue to follow up with a "oooo we should go together!" type of thing
When she said mostly staight, that leaves me to wonder about the lesser part that's probably not so straight. Try it on, if you don't gamble you won't win .
That could be true. I'm more than likely looking into it a bit much. Part of me believes it's simply in her nature to be a giving person who likes to buy things for people. I mean, one time she bought food for one of my other coworkers, and has been touchy with other people from what I observed. The only difference that it's more prevalent with me. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or put her in any awkward position. I guess from this point, the only way I'll know for sure, is if she outright says her interest in me and makes it verbally clear. Otherwise, she's probably just flirty in nature without realizing it.
