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What emotional crutches did you use to deal with your sexuality while still in the closet?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by JToivonen, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. JToivonen

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    I've been thinking about somethings in my life and I came to realise the fact that I used somethings as emotional crutches while in the closet.

    I realised recently, for example, that I used sexting as a way do deal and vent some of my frustrations for not being out. That's why I created fake profiles on social media and then downloaded hook-up apps...just to talk to people, send and receive some nudes...just to have a little taste of how it'd be to be an open gay man.

    Then this year, some months ago, I hooked up with many guys, which now I regret. I only did that because I couldn't handle the void there was in my soul and in my mind.

    Now that I'm about to separate (wife's moving out in December) I decided I'd not use my emotional crutches. No hook-ups, no sexting until I'm fully out. But I feel completely lonely. How to cope with that?

    Anyway, am I the only one who's ever used emotional crutches? What did you use to help you deal with such a difficult situation?
     
    #1 JToivonen, Nov 13, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2019
  2. HM03

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    I can't tell if you're looking for reliability or healthier substitutes LOL.

    I used to have a horde of people here on EC I used to talk to. Now that I'm in a better spot, I continue to foster a couple of the friendships I made, but don't really bother otherwise (Sorry!).

    For awhile, I had other issues in addition to being closeted, I didn't have the most healthy relationship with alcohol.

    Looking back it wasn't like I was sending nudes to every boy, getting DUI or being publicly drunken, so it could have been worse. But I honestly don't recognize 2016-2017 me and wouldn't say that's who I am.
     
    #2 HM03, Nov 13, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2019
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  3. cjmiller

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    Great questions! I frequent a gay sex chatroom often. I use this as a crutch to engage in my desires. I also frequent this site often.
     
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  4. I'm gay

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    I masturbated to gay porn, primarily. When I was younger (and the internet was new) I would use chat rooms. And I had a pretty rich fantasy life built into my head that gave me lots of escapist fantasies.
     
  5. I'mStillStanding

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    I’m not sure I’d call it a crutch... maybe a life preserver. But EC was the thing that kept me sane while I was waiting to get out of my marriage and explore my sexuality. If allowed me go ask questions and get the most accurate answers I could, find support, make connections in safe environment that all could maintain an innocence about them. It really did help ease the struggle of the voice those months.

    Also, again I would say it was a crutch. But I begin exploring my sexuality through porn and such. It seemed a way I could have a release and actually step outside my marriage. I’m not saying this is the best advice just what I did hahahaha
     
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  6. 1cgd

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    All this, definitely
    .
     
    #6 1cgd, Nov 13, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2019
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  7. MBM4K54

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    I've swapped photos and sent some raunchy messages to a guy but still being married that's as far as I've gone.
    I've been tempted to meet up but glad in a way that I didn't.
     
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  8. justme32

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    Do you mean, like, how do you cope with the inevitability of your impending divorce while feeling like you can't express yourself fully, sexually? Like- some people eat in order to not deal with emotions of all kinds on every level! Some people cut themselves! I feel like, when you're stuck in a potentially sexually repressing situation, doing things that make you feel less lonely and more sexy are probably a pretty healthy outlet. I wouldn't really say they are crutches...more like survival tactics?

    Also my situation is totally different because I'm still very attracted to my husband although there have been times when I haven't been so much- it's amazing how that can even ebb and flow with an individual person once you've been together long enough, no matter how much you love them, and regardless of the situation. That being said, I used to watch porn a lot. Sometimes I find really TERRIBLE CHEESY romantic comedies on Netflix or Prime with two women as the main characters and I watch those late at night after my family goes to bed.

    That all being said, I'm sharing just to share. I can't fully relate because my idea of being with a woman instead of my husband plays out more like the scene from Inside Out when the mom is sitting across the table from the dad, she's really fed up with him, and starts playing a reel in her mind of the buff latino lover she had before him, as he's holding out his hand while flying away in a helicopter and is all like, "Come, fly with me!" It's just a fun escapist thing I do when I'm fed up over a fight we had or over never having any privacy because I have a toddler and a dog who sticks his wet nose up my but if I sleep with no pants on (really awkward middle-of-the-night surprise, I gotta say). I'm not leaving him over it. So I can't really fully relate to all this.
     
  9. maybgayguy

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    I do this quite a bit. Cam/phone as well. Embarrassing after but it is more of a connection to play off of each other.
     
    #9 maybgayguy, Nov 16, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019
  10. Fritzcoop

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    I go to the gym. I read gay erotic stories. I chat mostly pg rated on a gay hook up site.
     
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  11. I'mStillStanding

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    I was too embarrassed to admit this lol but this was a big thing for me! I read a ton of gay erotic fan fiction haha it helped me stay sane lol

    And yea walking was big for me too
     
    #11 I'mStillStanding, Nov 16, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019
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