Scared

NSA with the pressure now off you can begin to explore your same sex attraction with a clear conscience. There is no need to label yourself right now or ever for that matter. You have given yourself an opportunity to clarify your sexuality and avoid making a mistake that is very hard to correct. Starting to date men with help you crystallize you’re true feelings towards same sex relationships. Once you start down this road I think you will find it comes easier and easier to see yourself in an exclusively gay relationship. Of course the opposite could be true as well only you will know. You have made a great start.

 

NSA it seems you are now coming to terms with real possibility you are gay. There is nothing to be ashamed of being attracted to another male. That is simply your internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. The more you get comfortable with another man the less and less you will feel attraction or interest in females. At some point the attraction simply disappears and being with another man becomes more natural. Relax don’t over think it just go with what feels right to you.

 

Of course it is. This is all part of the process of getting in touch with your gay self. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

You'll be all right. Contented is right; the conflict you're experiencing is probably linked to internalized homophobia. You spent a good chunk of your life believing and expecting certain things of yourself; it's going to take time for you to come to terms with the fact that you aren't what you originally believed yourself to be, that you can't commit to the things you used to commit to when you thought yourself straight.

It's also entirely possible that the way you feel about this friend doesn't mesh with your current feelings. Beyond the surface or beyond your friendship, maybe you don't bear sexual/romantic feelings for him. Then again, you might; I really can't say for certain, as I'm not in your head--but what I can say is, Be patient with yourself. You'll figure it all out.

 

If you have feelings for him allow them to grow organically. Don’t force it let it come naturally as the two of you continue to develop a relationship. Sexual compatibility is certainly one aspect but emotional compatibility might be more important. Can you see yourself in a openly gay relationship with this man? Is your attraction to women faded to the point it will not be an obstacle in establishing a same sex relationship without second guessing or constantly questioning your attraction? Only you can determine these answers however I encourage you to relax and enjoy the journey. I think you will find when all the dust clears that you are mostly likely 100% gay my friend.

 

Congrats. It certainly sounds you are well on your way to embracing the gay you. It is truly liberating to finally admit to yourself that your gay. Coming out to the rest of world will come when you are ready. As you become more comfortable in a same sex relationship the walls you have built will slowly come down and an openly gay relationship will become totally normal. The me the first time I was able to introduce another man as my boyfriend was such a heady experience. Build an honest open relationship with him and you both will grow together. Who knows perhaps some day he may be your husband!

 

Like you I struggled with that same issue. For years I played the stereotypical masculine role while feeling the complete opposite. I so wanted to let my more feminine side out but was petrified to do so.
After acknowledging that I was gay I was able to start to shed all those layers of fake masculinity. My BF is what could be called a stereotypical feminine gay man and I think that is what I found attractive. He is not afraid to be exactly who he is. As I became more comfortable I allowed more and more of my feminine side to come out. From care of my body to dress to mannerisms I am so much more comfortable with I really am. I am interested what things are you thinking of try to get more in touch with your feminine side?

 

Well- are you in love with her or this some kind of societal expectation you are looking to fulfill? Don’t get married without resolving this. It will continue to be a hang up for you, for sure, unless you make the discoveries you need to make.

 

One of the things I did after coming out was to shave all my body hair except for my head. I had always disliked body hair and loved the feel of not having it. In addition got a tattoo, 2 piercings and generally update my wardrobe including my underwear. I just felt better doing those things for me.