Yesterday i was drunk with three other girl friends and I came out to them. They took it well, and one of them is also bi. But I didn’t really want to come out cause i feel like i didn’t need to and now i reget it. I don’t know what to do now and i really just want to take back what i said cause i feel like it’s not important and i liked it when people didn’t know. At least until i actually get a girlfriend.
Hey I am sorry that you feel this way but it isnt actually that uncommon. When nobody knows we are completely in control of this information, once we start to tell people we lose a bit of this control and they dont have to go around sharing what we told them with anyone else in order for us to feel this loss in control. Once you tell someone you cannot completely take it back, you can tell them its not true or that you have changed your mind but I wouldn't suggest or recommend either of these things. I think if you give it some time you will feel a lot better about the fact that you have told them and there will come a day when you are glad that they know, sometimes when it wasn't something we were planning (or even if it was) having gone through with it can be a bit off a shock to the system. It will get better.
I had a similar experience at a party. A group of about us were sitting around an outdoor table and someone made a casual comment making the traditional assumption that I was straight. I corrected them by saying I was actually gay. I probably wouldn’t have done that if I had not been drinking but to me at that moment it felt like a natural response - they assumed something that wasn’t true and I corrected them. But I could tell most of the people at the table thought I was unfairly chastising him because he had no way of know I was gay. I think they thought I was accusing him of being homophobic. It was all a big misunderstanding. An unexpected awkward moment. My immediate reaction was like yours, I regretted coming out to them. Part of that regret wasn’t the misunderstanding so much as the dread I always feel when I let people know I’m gay. It’s not shame I am feeling, I’m way past that, it’s not knowing how the information will change my relationship with people who didn’t know that about me until I uttered it. Sometimes I feel so tired of the task of branding myself gay that I wish I count hire someone to spread the gossip about me so I didn’t have to always do it myself lol. It’s so ironic that all the years I spent in the closet thinking of the day I would come out would only lead me to a lifetime of awkward coming out moments Like this that have no end To them. However, I am grateful that the vast majority of people I have come out to have been totally fine with it.
It can be awkward at first when you come out to people you've known for a long time, because part of you starts to think "I've told them I'm gay, should I start acting and dressing more gay? should I talk to them about who I find attractive? Do I have to change things about myself now, like getting rid of all the stuff that made me look "straight" and start filling my room with books and posters about lgbt issues?" And you don't have to do any of those things. Your friends already liked you before you came out, and it sounds like they've reacted positively to the news, and so you there's no need to make any drastic changes. If you ask your friends to keep it to themselves for now while you take time to think about how you're feeling, I'm sure they'll respect your decision. Coming out is something that shouldn't really be necessary, but it's something we have to put up with any way, and there is a bit of an adjustment period between yourself and the people you are closest to. You still get to be in control of how you express your sexuality and who you share it with.
I had that experience when I was very young. I came out while I was very unsure and really regretted because I ended up feeling like I had been wrong. I had all these hang-ups about needing to prove myself to others because of it and felt very uncomfortable for years. Ultimately, I ended up not experimenting in the ways that I wanted to because I internalized a lot of other peoples' negative perceptions about me BECAUSE of how unsure I was now. Now, after being married for 8 years, I'm finally coming around to figuring out my true sexuality. You may not be lacking in confidence as much as I was but my advice to you is this- be as open as you're comfortable being open. Not more. Not less. And if your friends love you enough, they won't be the kinds of people you can't go to and say, "guys, I feel really weird about the conversation we had last night..." and maybe that'll help you set things straight. You'll be fine no matter what, though. You were well received. That's all that matters. They'll weather it all with you, it seems. You're loved no matter what.
