disclaimer: sry if this is super tmi so i’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and he’s just told me he loves me. i have been questioning my sexuality a lot since i started dating him since last year i finally came to terms with being bisexual and liking girls and i just always thought i liked guys too as a default. the only this is is that i have absolutely no feelings for him. looking back i’ve never had any romantic feelings or crushes on any guys in my entire life - even celebrities. however, i did fully fall in love with a girl two years ago which helped me fully realize that i like girls (i had never felt that way about anyone and i don’t have any of the same feelings for my boyfriend that i’ve had a “thing” with since march) this is the tmi part... sry if it weren’t for my sexual attraction towards him i would label myself as a lesbian. but he does turn me on. like sitting next to him or kissing him i am turned on. however once we are actually doing anything i get bored and just am waiting for it to end and i start to get turned off a little ways into it. I’m really confused at what this could mean for me. Identifying as bi doesn’t feel right but I feel like I’m lying by coming out as a lesbian bc i have these like biological feelings. Has anyone else experienced something like this or can help me figure out what i’m going through? p.s. sorry if you read my last post - i just realized they’re almost identical - what’s different though is that a few months ago i thought that i could start to have feelings for him if we hung out more but now i realize that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to feel that way towards him. and now it’s super messy cause he’s told me he loves me.
My guess would be that you're bisexual, not many bisexual people are exactly 3.5 on the Kinsey scale. Some are closer to 0 and others closer to 7. Going by what you've described to me I'd say that you're a bisexual that's closer to 7 on the Kinsey scale where as I'm a bisexual closer to 0 on the Kinsey scale but we're both still bisexual
Hey dont worry about posting things twice sometimes, it can be good to type these things out. Of course only you can truely say how you feel however I wonder if what is happening is that deep down perhaps you are gay, growing up society has led your brain down the straight and narrow so to speak and by that I mean it associates certain things with sex and being turned on. I am not sure I am doing a particularly good job of explaining this but it is almost like when you are really close to him and maybe kissing him your brain is preprogrammed to associate this as a turn on so that is why it responds that way rather than specifically being turned on. Almost in the same way that sometimes people can be turned on my types of porn which wouldn't necessarily be what they would want to do in real life. I hope that makes some sense even if you dont feel like that is what is happening. As for moving forward, this is of course up to you but I would suggest breaking up with him. Bisexual or gay you dont have any feelings for him and it is ok that you thought these might develop but they haven't and as you say, his feelings for you are growing stronger so delaying this will only make this worse, although I apprecaite it isnt easy.
Hi thanks for your response! I’ve had some more time to think about it and I think you might be right. I feel like I am closer to a 7 because I want to be with a woman in the future and possibly exclusively date girls and technically that would qualify me as a lesbian. However, I do have these sexual feelings for guys so I feel as though I would be lying if I said I was a lesbian. I guess I just have to reconcile some of my biphobia and accept that as my sexuality regardless of who I date.
Thanks for your reply! I definitely do need to break up with him. I have let it gone on for too long hoping that I would develop feelings for him but he deserves to be with someone who does care for him in the way he cares for me. I have thought that what I’ve been experiencing is a product of compulsory heterosexuality but I feel like lesbians don’t have any sexual feelings towards men so that does put me in the bisexuality spectrum. I’m still not sure - maybe I’ll change my identity when I have another experience with a girl (i’m less than a year away from college and I’m hoping I’ll b able to start dating girls) but for now, I feel like less of a liar labeling as bi even if I never date a guy again. Does that make any sense?
Absolutely makes sense and when it comes to labels you can only ever go with the one that feels right at the time, if 2 years down the line you think actually maybe a different one is better then there is nothing stopping you changing it. Nobody can tell you what you are/arent, you know how you feel.
