Scared

Hello, NSA.

I guess that largely depends on how you feel about the woman you're with. I assume that, considering you're with her, you are attracted to and love her?

You say you've been struggling with your sexuality all your life; do you mean in the sense that you find yourself going back and forth between men and women? Or do you mean in another way (as in possibly only being attracted to the same sex, but forcing yourself to focus on the opposite)?

If it's the former, it sounds like you're somewhere on the bisexual spectrum.

 

That is unfortunate. Give yourself time in order to be sure. But if you feel you really don't have an attraction to women and being with your fiancée is merely out of a sense of obligation, I would back out before things get any more complicated. They (your fiancée, family, and friends) may not understand, but this is your life, and it wouldn't be fair to you or your fiancée to live a lie.

 

I concur NSA if you have to force yourself to be with women at some point it will become impossible to fake attraction. At that point both of your lives start to fall apart. It is not fair to either party. My experience was after many years of forcing myself to be with women the dam broke and I could no longer pretend. I urge to be sure of your sexual feelings before committing to a long term relationship with a women. Don’t worry what others may think, this is your life. Many of us fell into the trap of hoping being with a woman will make the gay disappear. I assure it does not.

 

If I could of turned back time, I would have listened to my inner feelings and not have gotten married.

I think maybe you should at least postpone getting married until you are completely sure about your sexuality.

 

You always have great advice Chip. You are a wonderful resource. I will have to check out the book, I'm always looking for anything that can assist my coming out.

 

You're not married yet, right? You still have time to cut it off. So do that. And if she asks why, just tell her the truth. What's the worst she can do? She can't get you for money in a divorce because you're not married. And unless you had children with her, you don't owe her a red cent in child support payments. Hell, if it were me, I'd let the wedding go through and leave her at the altar as long as I wasn't the one paying for the wedding. Text your friend like you were thinking about. I mean when it comes to me, I'm still unsure of my own sexuality after many years of exploring it. Personally I resent my sexuality and try to avoid it unless I need to masturbate to clear my head and get that sweet, sweet dopamine rush.

 

Two things as CJM stated Chip’s advice is usually 99.9% spot on. He is a tremendous resource with cogent real life advice. Secondly like CJ I wish I too had listened to my inner voice and never got married. I cannot change the past however I just to help others make sure they don’t make the same mistakes. You sound far from straight and prolonging will only hurt the both of you in the end. Let’s not forget as we concentrate on our feeling that her feeling need to taken into account. It is much easier to say good bye before being married than after. Allow her to find the kind of man that can satisfy her and be happy doing so. Honestly that just doesn’t sound like you.

 

You absolutely did the right thing for both of you. From reading your posts it seems you are readying yourself to date other guys in order to determine your true sexual identity. It is completely ok to allow yourself this important exploration. Take your time and give yourself permission to enjoy the adventure you are embarking on. Being gay is not a death sentence as you will find. It opens up a door to a world that you just might find better than anything else you have experienced. Enjoy the journey.

 

Hey NSA. This is a big step. Be proud of your strength for doing this. I have recently done the same and know how hard it is. I agree with the above. Take your time in finding yourself and what/who may be out there for you. A life lived authentically is beautiful.