I hadn't been in this page in ages. Feels weird to come back. But that ain't important. Yestarday I was at a party and I drank way too much, so my mind started to work in weird ways. After a while I sat down with some other guys and eventually I said this one guy "you seriously think I'm straight?". The answer was no, as apparently my ex had already told that one guy who is a close friend of his. The other guy in this conversation was confused for a while but didn't cared that much. After that, I went out with a friend who was smoking and I started saying some random stuff, which eventually ended up in a guy straight up asking me if I'm gay. My drunk ass said yes. There were 4 or 5 people there, but only 2 spoke (they were supportive). It isn't as if they were my close friends or anything: this was the first time I had talked to one of them in ages and I don't even remember how one looks like. None of those were drunk, as far as I know. Finally I told a friend after everything happened. 3 times cause my drunk ass said so. He took it well and there isn't much to say about it. So yeah, I have no idea of what I would do now. I'm scared of word spreading at my school, and I have no idea of how likely it is for that to happen. I study in a religious boys only school, and there is only one openly bi kid there. So that's it, I have no idea what to do and I'm scared. I kinda want it to spread, cause honestly I wanna be out, but IDK how to say it. It is just... everything is going on now and I'm lost on my mind Excuse the wall of text btw. Bad habit of mine
It's likely out of your hands now. Even if it's spread honestly and with no ill intent, you've told enough people for that information no longer to be a secret within your control. That's both scary and liberating. On the one hand, it means you might be more out than you had anticipated yet. On the other, it means that you can probably be more at ease about telling closer friends, and feel comforted by the response of at least the guys you told yesterday. Take a deep breath, think about which people you'd like to know.
I can definitely see why this is a bit scary and you feel weird about having done it. I still haven't come out to more than two people in real life (my husband and my daughter) and honestly, every time I've come close and not done it, I've been relieved. On the plus side, the people you came out to sound like they're decent enough. It's hard to say whether they'll mention it to anyone, but if they do, it probably won't be with the intention of causing you harm. Perhaps the more well-known it becomes, the easier it'll be for you and the more comfortable you'll be. I know there's a risk of some people not being particularly nice about it, so I hope you don't have to deal with anyone like that. If you do find yourself on the receiving end of ridicule, dislike, etc. I hope the people who have been supportive will be there to help you through it.
Sometimes the things we are most afraid of turn out to be our best choices in the long run. I can't speak for you or your situation, and I can almost guarantee that you'll get some pushback. But you may be surprised to find you also have a lot of support. I can also absolutely guarantee that you and the other guy are not the only bi or gay people in your school. There are dozens at least (depending on the size of your school) but most are either closeted or may not even fully recognize it themselves yet. I agree with the other posters... this is out of your control, and trying to deny it at this point wouldn't be wise. So as difficult as it is, your best choice is simply to own it. It gets a lot easier over time. Please keep talking about it here and let us know what's going on with you as the situation develops.
Thanks everyone, I realoy apreciate the advice. I'll update on tuesday, as there's no school tomorrow and that's when I'll see everyone again. Nobody has said anything via groupchat or privately yet. Maybe everyone will know, maybe nobody will, but there is only one way to find out either I want it or not. Hope it goes well. Or at least not terrible
