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I don’t know what to do about this guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by tommycee, Oct 29, 2019.

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  1. tommycee

    tommycee
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    So I’m talking to this guy, and he’s pretty good overall. He’s cute, into me, and a really decent guy. He’s good boyfriend material, and we’ve kind of reached the point where we’re kind of unofficially boyfriends. The only problem is that I’m not 100% into him. Like I said, he’s a really good guy and things are going well but I just don’t know. I like him but I don’t like him a lot if that makes sense. The main problem I think is our lack of things to talk about. We only see each other once a week and we usually do okay talking in person but as soon as we aren’t with each other we completely run out of things to talk about. The texts end up being super dry and I usually just tell him he’s cute or something just at an attempt at conversation. Another problem is distance. He’s only an hour away and I’m fine with driving it every once in a while but as far as I know he doesn’t have a car and it gets really annoying to have to drive an hour to see him (sometimes more if traffic is bad) and an hour back. It’s especially annoying because we’ve run out of stuff to do in his area which means even more driving if we want to do something fun.

    so what should I do? He’s a really good guy and I don’t wanna screw it up because I feel like he’s better than most of the guys I’ll find if I try to go back into the dating game but between the aggravating drives and the lack of things to talk about I just don’t know if I wanna keep going. When we first started talking and going on dates I had the butterflies but just a few weeks later they’re already gone. Is that a bad sign? I’m just conflicted on where to go with this thing. Thanks if you read all this and any advice would definitely be appreciated.
     
    #1 tommycee, Oct 29, 2019
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    One thing you could do is talk about it directly. "Hey, sometimes I feel like our conversations sort of die out, and it feels uncomfortable. Do you ever feel that way?" Vulnerability is key to a healthy relationship, and if you've been hanging out together for a while, you should be able to bring it up.

    A useful piece of info to know about relationships: When we first meet someone and feel attraction, the neurotransmitter oxytocin fires in our brains and it's known as the 'love hormone'. It's what creates the rose-colored glasses through which we initially see our relationships; basically it covers up most of the problems. So when it starts to wear off, which is anywhere from 3-8 weeks typically, is when you have the real work of figuring out what the relationship looks like. (This is also why some people never have a relationship that lasts more than a few weeks, because they say "the spark is gone" when the oxytocin wears off, and give up.)

    It might also be worthwhile to talk about the distance issue. Perhaps he can take a bus or something up to see you occasionally? Or you meet halfway? What it really boils down to is what you want, and what he wants. I think if you can honestly think about it, and discuss it openly with him, you'll get a clearer picture.
     
    #2 Chip, Oct 29, 2019
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  3. OGS

    OGS
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    What I hear over and over in your description is: "he's a great guy, that I'm just not that into--but I might not find better." I think that's a terrible way to start a relationship. You owe yourself better and frankly you owe him better. In my experience people are kind of alright with the idea of settling for someone, a lot fewer people are really alright with the idea of being settled for. Sure some of that new love stuff fades, but you should hold out for someone where it doesn't or at least where it's replaced by something else.

    Just my two cents...
     
    #3 OGS, Oct 30, 2019
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  4. bookreader

    bookreader
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    I think the next time you talk to him, you should be upfront and honest.
     
    #4 bookreader, Nov 9, 2019
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