So I am exploring with a man for the first time at 41.......and just had anal sex (giving) for the first time. He was my trigger 3 years ago, and I have had a few experiences with him, but many more with other women. I have been separated from my wife. I definitely got off and enjoyed the experience with him....I like the way his body felt against mine. Truthfully though, I was kind of disgusted at the smell of anal sex, and kissing was weird and didn’t love the taste. Even though I do like this person, there were a few times I wanted to disappear and vomit. When I compare how much I love the smell of a woman and how she tastes kissing....I am a bit perplexed and disoriented. Is this really what I want? Has anyone had this experience?
Also, I can have the experience of having sex like 3 or 4 times in a night....and still not feel....satisfied? Like almost still horny? And it doesn’t seem to matter whether a guy or girl. Wtf.
Well. I don't know what to recommend about having trouble with the smell. I guess it is something that I have sorta gotten used to. TBH, when I am topping a man, all I think about is making him feel good. I am so in tune with this that I set everything else aside for the moment including my own pleasure. It turns out that I get what I need in the end. It is the same with rimming. On the face of it, I find it sorta disgusting. But, what it does to my partner makes me completely forget about it. To be able to make another man feel what he feels when I am with him is an incredible, well, gift I guess. So, maybe look at anal sex as a means to deliver this pleasure and not fixate exactly on what you are doing. It seems strange to say this...but, if it were easy maybe it wouldn't be so special? As far as not being satisfied, I can relate. I can do several times an evening. I've done a couple of foursomes with some friends and my boyfriend and find I am not satisfied. But, later, when I am with my boyfriend, we both are satisfied. We don't seem to have to do it as often to feel complete. So, maybe it is the connection that is missing that really is what you are after? If I never have another casual sexual experience I will not feel I am missing anything. We're all wired a bit differently. But, I would try a date where you spend a lot of time communicating, holding each other, maybe massage. Build a connection before you jump into getting off.
Thanks for responding Nick. I definitely have a connection with this person, and we do spend time communicating. The touch really felt good. I just don’t really like kissing a guy as much as a girl, I think? And I like how a girl smells more than a guy.....by a lot.
It’s been rare that I have experienced any smell issues during sex. Has the sex partner properly prepared? A shower, cleansing and teeth brushing seem to be standard practice based on my experience.
My experience has been similar to Onthehighway never really had an issues like that with anal. It goes without saying proper preparation should occur before hand. It is an extremely intimate erotic experience of connection both literally and figuratively which I find incredibly pleasurable. For me however it took a little getting used to. Perhaps that is the issue with you.
I lived a straight life for decades and the taste and smell of a woman was all I knew. I enjoyed it and had no problem “getting off” but it became less easy as the years went on and I accepted i was gay. Since being exclusively with men this year, I now know the sensory impact of being with a man - especially my boyfriend - is far greater for me. I liked the taste of a woman’s mouth and “lady parts” but I love the taste of a man’s mouth and the goods below his belt and what comes out of them so much more that I will never go back. your experience most likely comes down to hygiene but it’s possible you like women more. No shame either way.
Hello Like NickW said..... The few times I've topped, it's been more about the other person. I want them to enjoy being penetrated. Taking it slow, making sure I'm not hurting them, checking in they are ok. To be honest I don't really think about it's there bottom I'm penetrating, my ex I loved him and it was more about expressing my love. The kissing, some guys don't like it. But I recently had a hookup and he was the best kisser I've ever had. I had this weird experience, never felt before, like our two bodies were becoming one. But I've had some awful kissers too. Perhaps your still finding out who you are and what you like? Perhaps your a bottom and would rather be topped? I also was married, separated now, it takes time to discover ourselves and what we like.
I know this to be true. I just marvel at it though....being 41 and having a lot of great experiences with women, it just surprises me to think that there is something I could enjoy more. I am also ashamed and afraid of thinking of myself as someone who could prefer? to be the more submissive partner. I seem to be fantasizing more about it more easily, and I can have this experience of disappointment and fear. And anxiety and shame before actually masturbating. Plus, it’s almost like my body doesn’t have to confront it, because I can pretty easily be the more dominant person with a guy or girl.
Hello You need time to adjust. When we have sex with a woman it can seem we have the dominant role, same if we top a guy. But to be a bottom we give more control to another guy. We have to trust them. I've been both but I'm still exploring and learning. It can take us along time to feel comfortable with our sexuality. I didn't come out till 42 and I've just turned 44. One guy I met I didn't feel any connection and only saw him a couple times. I understand where your coming from with regard to sex with a man. It's a journey, I used to watch way too much porn and I was uncomfortable with the sex scenes but now I love them. The same in reality I will only top a guy that I'm really into. Just take your time and discover what you like. It doesn't have to be sex everytime, masturbation, oral and frottage where you masturbate the penises together and kissing can be incredible. You will become more comfortable in time.
Right now, I can have an experience of feeling really turned on and having great sexual experiences with a woman, but then feeling constantly horny and more aroused (being with myself) while thinking of being with a guy. I am a little perplexed based on my current situation....if I were to rank the intensity of my experiences, they would go: 1) masturbating thinking of being with a guy (since I’ve allowed myself to consider this, I feel like I’m shot out of a cannon) 2) sex with a woman I’m interested in 3) sex with a guy I almost think I need to commit to being exclusively with guys to fully explore this side of me. I know I like being with women, but this itch isn’t subsiding. This bi stuff is hard. Or maybe it’s just dating too, and feeling like I can’t ever commit all of myself/my life to someone with so many personal unanswered questions.....
For me I kind of like how weird it feels. Sex is dirty, and that's not a bad thing. Unless it's really bad BO, I like the smell of other men. It's like pheromones or something. Sometimes, a guy gives off a smell that would ordinarily be considered offensive or gross, but to you it's intimate, that's something special. It definitely is something you get used to, but when you do it's amazing. Embrace it.
It's not clear how many guys you've been with. Sounds like your trigger is the only guy you've been with? Since you have powerful masturbation fantasies about guys, I suspect that you're probably still working through your second adolescence, the discovery period when people who come out at middle age learn how to act as bisexual/gay. This includes getting comfortable with your newly discovered sexual orientation, new forms of sexual expression and the idea of romantic attraction. It's also quite possible that you haven't met the guy who's going to create fireworks when you kiss. Where do you think you are in terms of your second adolescence? How do you feel about having attractions to other guys? Do you feel any shame because of it? Giving yourself time to explore your attraction to guys as you suggest above sounds like a good approach.
Yep, he’s the only man I have been with. 4-5 times over 3 years, and while I’m more comfortable each time, I just don’t feel this spark or connection that is driving me to maintain consistent communication. I’d say I’m about at age 16 in my second adolescence. I’m more and more open to attractions to other guys, but still feel shame around it. I sometimes wonder if the same I feel causes me to swing the other way wildly with women, to make up for the shame? I am going to continue dating other men and not making commitments to women....I can feel with this one girl an attachment developing though, and that concerns me. Like, I enjoy the sex and intimacy, but I still have more work/exploration to do. It’s challenging when I literally wanted to run out of the room with this guy, compared to enjoying hours with this woman. I do have shame around exploring a more submissive side, and I’m not sure how to broach that with a guy or group of guys.
It sounds like you need to give yourself time to explore and get comfortable being with guys. If you don't feel entirely comfortable with this guy, do you options for meeting other guys in your area? Here's a blog post that I put together that explained some of the things that I did to address my shame after coming out. Hopefully you can find one or two nuggets that are helpful to you as someone who identifies as bisexual: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?blogs/healing-the-shame-of-being-gay-ec-2-0-edition.29/ HTH, SF
I’m a woman but I am HUGE on smell. I’ve not got on further dates with people because I couldn’t connect with their smell. Not like they didn’t bathe, but each individual smells different. I can totally enjoy a person and even feel sexual attraction but if I get close and their scent isn’t good to me, I am put off by them. Maybe you’re not digging his individual smell?
