I have been wondering this for about a few weeks. I know I need more time than hat to put a label on myself, but it just bugs me that I have o wait. There's a small voice in my head saying "You're supposed to be a boy" And honestly, that voice makes me feel kinda happy. There's just this feeling of excitement and normality that I have whenever someone "accidentally" refers to me as a boy. But, then there's he bad thoughts. "But you don't feel upset when people call you a she." "You don't have dysphoria for your bottom area, so your not trans." "Really? Uh, when you were younger, you loved to wear dresses and still do if it's for dress up." "You'll be disappointing everyone you know by not being the perfect girl they want you to be." I really wish I knew how to get over it, especially since those thoughts happen from around 10:40-11:30.
But I don’t know if it’s who I am. Every time I doubt myself for being a boy, I get more and more upset. As in, I’ll think how cool it is to be a boy, then it won’t seem so fun, and then I get upset.
That second voice bugged me a lot to when I was still figuring it out. It still bothers me to be honest, it's the part of me that points out the more feminine things about me or makes me worry about what people will think. So a few things I would like to mention, not everyone has bottom dysphoria, so you could still be trans and not really have bottom dysphoria. The thing with the dresses, I kinda get that. When I was little I loved wearing dresses and stuff, now it just bugs me because I feel like it makes me look too feminine I guess. For orchestra we have to wear these floor length sleeveless black dresses, and I could probably talk to my orchestra teacher but I wouldn't want to come out to my parents. My friend who is in orchestra and is gender fluid once said "it's not the dress that bothers me, just what it labels me as" which is a really good way to put it. As for the disappointing others, I get that 100%, my family is very christian and conservative (My dad has a Trump 2020 flag hanging in the garage DX). But even if you have supportive friends and family, there's always going to be someone who's not. It's impossible to please everyone. It's frustrating that it takes so long to figure it out, and it's okay if you think you're something and then later realize you're something else. The most important thing is that you are open and willing to accept the fact that you might not be a girl, and that you're not just shoving aside those feelings.
Would you want to trasnition in any way? Be called different name and pronouns? Wear guys’ clothes? Do something guys do?
Thank you so much! I really do hate the idea that dresses are a girls thing. Whether or not it is, I would love to try on a suit and tie!
I mean, what would it mean for you to transition? Because it’s a very individual process, for each person it can mean something different, and it for everyone it takes different things to feel comfortable in their own skin.
Well, I would love to start by getting a binder, and cutting my hair shorter. Then, I will wait until I'm 16, and then I can try to see if I can start T.
I hate to say that, but maybe you should explore a little before getting on hormones? It's permanent and lifelong decision that has a lot of impcat. You can't redo the results of hormones. Usually, hormones are the last resort. You can be a boy and not take hormones. You have to be 150% sure that you don't want biological children and want to be on medication for life to start hormones. Normally, people take such steps if being a masculine woman and a lesbian doesn't work out for them, if it doesn't suffice. You can feel like whichever gender and not need medical intervetion, you're still valid.
*undo the results of hormones. So, yeah, you can feel like a boy, you can dress like a boy and try it out in all sorts of ways, but before taking life impacting decisions, I'd advise you to wait for your identity to solidify. For a lot of people, especially teenagers, their gender issues resolve by different means than medicine and simply... you're at an age when your still discovering who you are and you shouldn't close yourelf doors. So explore, but... wait with the permanent stuff.
You see, I already might be getting a binder soon, so I'm not too worried about starting hormones. I would love to though. I'll definitely wait 2 more years until I'm positive, and try to act as if the world is calling me my preferred name. Thanks!
Hey, you're a new member, right? Welcome to EC! So, self discovery is definitely a difficult thing and can take some time. Try not to rush it and be patient with yourself. You're a young teen I'm assuming? You have plenty of time. I know it's frustrating to not know but take it one step at a time. Really no one can tell you who you are but yourself in the end. Do you have access to gender therapy? It could be a good idea now or in the future. Also make sure to bind safely! Don't sleep or exercise while binding and only use it for 8 hours at a time! And even then there can still be long term complications so please be careful. One thing that concerns me is when you say you think it would be cool or being trans/a guy would be cool just because that makes it sound more like you like the aesthetic or would like crossdressing or something along those lines -- I mean no offence and that doesn't mean that's true I just don't want anyone to transition for the wrong reasons and then not feel comfortable with themselves in the future or have regrets. Most trans guys are just trying to live their lives and don't even want to be trans, but this doesn't mean you're not trans as for example sometimes I wear certain men's shoes and think I look cool it could be something like that (like thinking men are cool and wanting to look like them?). I just think it would be a good idea to take some time and distance and think about your reasons for thinking you could be female, male, or NB (and of course remove the things that are obviously gender expression when you take a step back instead of identity like "I can't be a guy because I do ballet", of course sometimes expression can be connected to identity like "I like to wear men's clothes because I am perceived as and look male when I wear them) and examining your reasons for wanting to transition. I don't want to say yes you are or no you aren't this or that. I think doing some thought experiments are a good idea. Like imagining yourself living your life as male, as a young man, as a father and husband (if you want to marry and have kids) as an elderly man etc and then as a female or nonbinary. You can also just try things out to see how they feel. Like using a sock as a packer or even going to the pronouns thread in this forum to try some out and see how they feel. I just want you to know you're not alone and that no one here is going to judge you whichever way you end up. I myself was confused for a long time and many here still are, I still have my doubts sometimes, many people do -- it's human to doubt and question.
Wow! That's a lot of information there. Thanks buddy! I do get it a lot that I'm still young. Honestly, I am planning on waiting until I'm 16 to start considering HRT or actually telling people my name is Blake because I want to see how I feel being a guy for 2 years. I definitely would love to be a father of 1-2 amazing children with my spouse. It just feels like an awesome future for me. I'll still wait though just to see if I still feel this way in my sophomore year. Again, thanks for all the advice! I'll be sure to remember it for the following years!
This does sound like gender expression to me now that I think about it. I mean, it tells nothing about the way you identify one way or the other, and maybe you will need some time to discover it. And... medical transition is yet another thing. Not every trans person transitions medically, some non-binary folks transition medically, it’s not set in stone. Of course the phrase “to be a guy” is an appropriate description of what you mean... whatever you mean precisely.
