Hey there! So it’s been a very hot hot minute since I’ve been on here haha, the last time I was here I mentioned that I felt odd because I couldn’t get off with my boyfriend who I was with for a year and thought that perhaps it was me...I have since hooked up with more people since then and realize it is in fact me I’m not sure why but I’ve never really been an emotional or affectionate person and honestly when I’m put in situations where someone tells me to hold them or if they can kiss me I feel uncomfortable, not always but 90% of the time. The only person I could say I got comfortable at making those moves on was my past boyfriend, but I think a big part of it has to do with the fact that it was long term-ish since he would get really irritated with me for not taking the initiative for the first 5 months. I went through a phase of hooking up with different people because what I thought I needed was to explore but it didn’t do anything for me pleasure wise because I do believe I have to develop something deeper, I realize I don’t think I even want to date anyone or hook up, I just want to hang out with people as platonic friends. Does anyone have an idea of what my orientation even sounds like? So I could atleast read into it and maybe understand myself a little more and not feel so alone with feeling that way. Ps I am very bi, I do experience a lot of attraction appearance wise to people but I don’t want to sleep with them? Geez, even I’m confusing myself!
Maybe you're biromantic, asexual. From the way you're talking, it seems like you might be asexual to some extent. I'm getting biromantic from the fact that you said you don't want to sleep with people, are very bi and are attracted to them appearance-wise. I could be wrong but that's my idea.
I actually think this is something I heavily relate to, especially the key point of just “seeking companionship” because if I could choose to just have them around as my own by spending time rather than doing physical things, I would.
Ultimately, it is up to you how you decide to identify. I would recommend looking into some of the lesser-known orientations though. I'd also look into demisexual, just to see if you relate to that as well.
There's no credible evidence to support the idea of discordant romantic and sexual orientation. In fact, the term "romantic orientation" itself is a misnomer; people who describe "romantic orientation" describe it as "caring deeply about someone and wanting to spend time with them, but having zero sexual interest in them." There is, in fact, a term that describes this, that has been used for hundreds of years, and it's called "emotionally intimate friendship". And that, in turn, has absolutely zero to do with sexual attraction, arousal, or orientation. So it's important to understand these things when considering where you fall on the spectrum. Asexuality is another term that has a well-documented meaning that's been around for decades, and has recently been hijacked by a small-but-vocal contingent of people. OP, from what you describe, you don't appear to match the widely accepted definition of 'asexual'. But what's pretty likely, from what you describe, is that there may be a challenge with vulnerability, which is impacting your ability to emotionally connect with people. This is actually pretty common, unfortunately, and can arise from a variety of things. Anxiety and depression are common causes, but family-of-origin issues where we didn't feel listened to, appreciated, or supported are also quite common. So if any of those resonate, it's likely that's the issue here. One of the things I commonly suggest is checking out Brené Brown's three TED talks ("Power of Vulnerability", "PRice of Invulnerability", "Listening to Shame") and also Gabor Maté's work on early childhood and its influence on emotional health and well being. I think if you check those out, it may give you some insight. The label part is tough... and the truth is, with so many unrecognized labels, with no basis in research, study, science, reproducibility, or anything else, there are lots of ways to describe oneself. The challenge is... finding what and who you truly are, and only you can figure that out. I do think that if you first explore the emotional piece, you'll likely discover where you are on the spectrum more easily.
