I feel so confused....at this late stage even. I left my husband earlier this year and started dating girls (I know, right?) And now I'm seeing this girl who I thought wasn't my type at all (she's more masculine than the girly-girls I've always had crushes on), and we make out all the time. But sometimes, I wonder (even while we're making out), wow...am I really gay? Is this just a phase? Would a straight girl even be here, making out with this girl, at all (probably not!) I'm also super confused that I have an attraction to this girl, because she is not who I thought I would be attracted to (I always thought I would like blondes who are really feminine!) So, I'm just confused....help!
Hey Luria77 First of, congratulations on facing these challenges and exploring your sexuality. This is certainly not easy, and even though the process you went through certainly had rough moments, you are here, still going. That's huge! Long story short: Nope, this isn't just a phase. Being LGBT+ isn't just a phase. It's part of who you are and it is completely natural and fine, even though the prejudice rooted in the minds of some people tells us otherwise. You are who you are and there's nothing wrong with it. As for being straight, by definition, a straight woman would only be interested in men. So, you are right, a straight girl wouldn't choose to do this. We humans are used to label everything. From naming objects and people to dividing people depending on their sexuality and attractions (gay, straight, lesbian, trans, cis, etc.), culturally, we try to put everything into boxes. That is also true when we think about our preferences. We usually say things like "I'm attracted to short men! / I'm attracted to blondes! / I'm attracted to strong women!" and so on. However, our "mental boxes" aren't super precise in defining our attractions. Sure, we may have preferences, and that's completely fine. But, sometimes, we end up finding someone who doesn't fit in our "preference box"... and we are still attracted to them somehow. And that's completely fine, even thought you didn't expect it. I'm not saying you should force yourself to like someone - that's obviously not what you should do. However, if you are attracted to this girl, and she is attracted to you... then that's great! It doesn't matter if it doesn't fit your usual preference. As long as you are both happy and ok with it, then that's fine.
Hi, Luria! It sounds like you've really come a long way. Don't feel bad for not fully understanding yourself or your sexuality; as I've come to find out for myself, it's actually a lot more common than you'd think. We're so often surrounded by heteronormative ideals that it becomes all too easy to get swept up in them. Chiroptera said it best--we can't help who we're attracted to. Though she doesn't fit the idea of what you thought you'd be attracted to, the girl you're seeing must have something special about her that draws you in. Try not to overthink it (difficult, I know) and just enjoy your time and experiences with her. Most important of all, be patient with yourself. As you open yourself up to these new realizations and experiences, you will become more comfortable with both yourself and your sexuality.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for more than a year now and I still sometimes wonder if I’m really gay. I am. I love having sex with her (which I never did when married to a man). I don’t find men attractive very often and I want nothing to do with them sexually. Still ... I find myself wondering occasionally if this is all something I’ve made up in my head. I think for me it’s a matter of undoing 25+ years of denying who I was. Being gay was never an option I considered until a few years ago. And attraction is strange. My girlfriend is not necessarily my type, but I’m crazy sexually attracted to her.
Hi, Luria, I don't think this is a phase, I believe its just the process of accepting your sexuality. I've gone through many of these same feeling but always come back to I'm gay. As far as attractions, I felt the same as you. The women I dated and the one I married all were very thin, athletic very attractive women, but the men that I gravitate towards and find the sexiest are the larger, heavier set bear types. I like men with hair and a belly. I've questioned this for such a long time but have no answer.
