So I'm a married woman looking to start a relationship of short or long duration with a butch or dyke type of woman. Someone with a manly exterior but you know, a vagina too. I don't want the relationship to have anything to do with my husband. Well, he can watch the kids while I'm out with her, but that's about it. The problem is, I don't know where to start and I don't feel attractive enough. I looked for dating apps and signed up for one recommended in other forums for about an hour. I came up with a nice introductory paragraph, answered some questions, put up a picture and then looked at some "matches." The matches were fucking ridiculous. All feminine lesbians, and a bunch of couples looking for a threesome. And then there's me...I was comparing my picture to all the lesbians I saw on there and I feel like a chubby, dorky school teacher with glasses in a flowery blouse. Oh wait, I AM that, exactly. I don't feel cool and I don't feel like anyone I like is going to be interested. Oh yeah, and I'm afraid people are going to be scared off by the fact that I'm married and planning on staying that way and that my husband is okay with all of this. Maybe I should just give up. But I really, really want more intimacy in my life. I really want to get to know a new person. But I also just want to be me, flowery blouses and classical music and all and I feel like I need to change that somehow in order to atrract who I want. Is there hope? And why isn't there a decent app like ###### for women?
Welcome to EC. We’re not allowed to name apps, etc. on here. It’s to ensure that profiles can’t be linked to real life identities. Have you specified that you are looking for somebody polyamorous? I appreciate that you are disappointed with the matches, but when I’ve used apps, I’m always disappointed with matches where there’s a straight couple involved in some way. Where are the women who want a normal relationship with another woman, eh? So, I guess it works both ways. Perhaps give it a bit more time and you’ll find what you’re looking for, but I think you have to accept that being married will not be to everyones taste.
You might not feel like you're attractive enough, but as long as you're honest in your bio and with who you are as a person, I'm sure there'll be someone who finds you on there and sees that you meet their criteria as well. Give it time and above all, be patient with yourself.
I don't know where you live but if there's a lesbian bar/cafe in the area it may be worth visiting that to see if you can meet someone.
I'm totally with you on some of those. I've been divorced for two months from my husband. I am pan. He told me he is dating and the first thing I thought was she is probably hotter and prettier than me. you are great just the way you are. Keep wearing you flower shirts
Good news is, the hardest part is over. Convincing/Discussing these desires with your spouse and them being fine with it, kudos! Now here comes the hard part...dating. Which is difficult regardless of what your sexuality is, especially in today's day in age. I don't know if technology has desensitized people, made them lazier, or what, but online dating may open a vast world of endless personalities and people but there are also a lot of weirdos. Finding that one person via internet will be like finding a needle in a haystack. I'd suggest giving it time..after all you likely had to kiss a few frogs before you came across Prince Charming. This is no different. Don't put all of your faith into online dating, a trip to a local gay bar could also help; expand your horizons. Also, if you're comfortable in your own skin and appearance then I say, "do you, boo!" I'll throw on a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and flip flops whenever I venture to my local Wal-mart without an F-word to give...BUT when I'm attending a party, a gathering, a dinner, etc. I mix it up with a nice polo, jeans, and mid-top sneakers. Every situation has a dress code, if that makes sense. Dressing up/looking your best doesn't have to mean changing who you are, think of it as a means of enhancing what's already there.
Hey, I think we all have or have had moments like that, it is hard not to be disappointed but realistically there will be people that will be put off by your situation. That doesnt mean you wont be able to find someone or that there is anything wrong with you or that you aren't good enough. Would you consider going to some LGBT groups if there are some in your area?
