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Coming Out Organically?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BiGemini87, Oct 22, 2019.

  1. BiGemini87

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    Hey, guys.

    So, I've been trying to come up with some organic ways to come out to certain people in real life (as the only person IRL that knows is my husband). I only finally realized/accepted that I'm bisexual earlier this year (back in March) and while there are definitely some people I will never tell because of their bigotry, there are others I wouldn't mind knowing.

    However, I'm not the kind of person to just inject it into conversation. For one, LGBT stuff doesn't really come up in conversation often (if ever). When it does, I don't want to just drop that bomb and potentially make anyone feel uncomfortable or like they can't speak freely around me.

    One idea I have is to wear a bracelet with the bisexual pride colours on it, but there's every chance they won't recognize it (as I myself didn't know what it looked like until after coming out).

    Any ideas you can throw my way will be much appreciated. ^^
     
  2. dirtyshirt84

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    Hey! I am in a similar situation to you and would also like to know how to do this! I feel like the people I have come out to previously I’ve made it a big deal and I’d like to avoid that in future. As it shouldn’t really be a big deal, especially to other LGBT people.

    I guess the easiest way is to talk about women you think are hot - celebrities etc. That might lead on to other conversations or at least give people a hint.

    I think it’s maybe harder coming out as Bi as when you are in an opposite sex relationship people just assume.
     
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  3. artsy gays

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    Hmmm that's tough, one way I did that a little bit was when I was away over the summer and leading up to when I came out, I talked about attractive girls where I was. Sounds really weird but it made it easier when people replied to go 'oh yeah...about that...'
     
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  4. BiGemini87

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    Agreed! I know some people think "straight-passing" is some sort of blessing, but in reality it's a double-edged sword.

    Thank you both for your suggestions. I'll definitely give that a go. Guess I'll see how many people think it's just one of those things women are comfortable saying about one another, or if they'll catch on. ^^;
     
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  5. artsy gays

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    ahaha nice, might seem random but it could work, I texted it to a group chat with all of my friends and they asked if I was gay and then I came out as BiRo/Ace to them lol I said things like wow the girls in xyz are so beautiful lmao
     
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  6. dirtyshirt84

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    Absolutely a double edged sword! I think I probably come across as quite sexually ambiguous but I guess there is a difference between people suspecting and knowing?
     
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  7. Being Jess

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    Who you fuck, how you fuck them and why you fuck them is no one's business but yours and your husbands. The irony of being authentic to ourselves is that we want to tell others because we feel that this honesty is us being proud of who we are and that we don't care what others think, when in actual fact it all boils down to us wanting others to tell us that we are ok for being who we are. Who the fuck is anyone else to tell me that it's ok to be who I am?!

    Ask yourself why it is so important for others to know and why they deserve to know. We spend so much time stressing about being authentic and then even more time being pissed off because the world is filled with people who don't accept us for who we are.

    If you are concerned that you are going to behave in a manner that it is inline with your sexuality and you want others to know your are bi so they know why you are acting in such a way, then act that way and if they ask why you are acting that way tell them it's because you choose to, because behaving like that is inline with what makes you happy, because it's your life and because you are the master of your own universe.

    If you intend on having sex with the people you want to tell then telling them makes total sense - in that case I would just be straight up with them.

    Anyone else can suck a bag of dicks as far as I am concerned. I am not going to invite someone into my personal life so they can criticize something they don't have a clue about. It's none of their business, I don't need their approval and I am never going to live my life the way they want me to.

    The devil can only come into your house if he or she or they are invited.

    AND if what I have said is not at all the response you were looking for then go to pride, take photos and share them on social media. Friends and family should get the picture real quick. Pun intended.

    AND if you really want to know how to come out to your husband then I only have one thing to say - always, always, ALWAYS be honest in the kindest way possible.

    kisses
    Jess
     
  8. artsy gays

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    I love this
     
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  9. BiGemini87

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    My husband already knows (he was the first and only person in real life I've told), but I really like your take on the rest. It's more or less my husband's attitude, too--that I don't have to tell anyone, that it's not their business but that if it ever came to light, there's nothing shameful about it and if anyone has a problem with it, they can go fuck themselves.

    I appreciate your reply, as it gives me some balance to the answers I've received so far. :slight_smile:
     
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  10. dirtyshirt84

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    I totally get where you are coming from but I kind of disagree with some of this. I feel like with people I’m close to who don’t know that I’m not being 100% myself. That there are things I don’t say and some things I’m hiding. And coming out to some LGBT friends has been really helpful to me, just to have people I can talk to about gay stuff who have had similar experiences.

    I agree generally though that’s it’s none of anyone’s business and there are some people (at work for example) that I can’t imagine ever telling. But I guess i’m saying I’ve found it beneficial to come out to some people.
     
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  11. Being Jess

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    I think it is so exciting! I can only imagine what amazing experiences await you and your beautiful man.

    I do think that it is quite interesting how LGBTQA+ people are the only ones that burden themselves with this obligation to come out to people. Don't get me wrong, I totally get why we want to, or need to, though it's interesting that no one else has to carry this burden.

    For example - if someone really likes watching porn they don't feel obliged to tell their friends and family that Pornhub is their sexual companion every night. If someone likes being tied up and having the soles of their feet canned until they bleed, they don't feel obliged to come out to their work colleagues about it at drinks Friday. If a guy likes being fucked up the ass with a strap on by his wife every Tuesday after their weekly bingo night, he doesn't feel obliged to mention it to all his buddies over drinks.

    If any of those people shared any of that the person they were sharing it with would probably comment on how personal that was. Why is a sexual or gender preference any different?

    For some reason we have this deep need to confess our sexual or gender preference to the people we know and love. Why can't that be something we can feel totally cool not having to share with anyone else? Or tell who ever we want when and if we want?

    I understand the need to come out. For me it was because I knew that when my family and friends saw me suddenly living as a woman they wouldn't think I was going crazy. For my brother it was so that if he brought a boy home my mother would know he was not just a "friend". For my dad it was so his kids would not wonder if the guy he was living with was just a house mate. For my uncle it was so that his kids would know the man he was living with was not just a house mate.

    All of that makes perfect sense, though at the same time they also didn't have to say anything due to this obligation of "I need to be honest with my children or parents or friends or family or I am not being true to myself".

    IMO the reason we feel the need to confess our sexual or gender preference (I hate the word preference because it makes it sound like it's a preferred choice - maybe status or orientation is a better word, I don't know) is because religion and society has programmed us to believe it is wrong and so we feel the need to get it out in the open so we can feel better about ourselves.

    Fuck that bullshit.

    And make no mistake - it doesn't matter whether the person is cis, straight or LGBTQA+ - assholes are assholes and there are just as many straight assholes as there are cis gender assholes as there are LGBTQA+ assholes.

    I am not saying don't tell people - I am just saying don't feel obligated to. You have nothing to confess. You have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect as you are, and anyone who says any different can... yip, you guessed it, suck a bag of dicks!

    I wish you and your husband a wonderful adventure my beautiful friend.

    Take care of you.

    kisses
    Jess
     
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